How to get a 9 year old to have any sort of interest but TV and xbox?

[pompompurin]

I will say this is my younger sister, but still, it drives the whole family crazy that she spends the entire day gormless in front of the TV! (Or on her phone/tablet on TikTok or Instagram or whatever else)

My mum isn't doing anything about it because when she does attempt to disconnect the house for a day, my sister will spend the entire time in the kitchen following my mum around calling her nasty, mean, etc. or begging to food to eat out of boredom.

She has a bedroom full of toys, games, books, things she could do independently, but won't even give them a go. Once I bought her a jigsaw puzzle, she convinced my mum to do it with her and spent the entire time complaining that the first pieces she chose wouldn't fit and that she wasn't doing it anymore because it was boring.

I've been trying to help her find something that interests her, like I showed her Horrible Histories on TV, but when I tried to give her a few of the old books and magazines she refused them.

I'm currently 18, but I could've swore that at that age I spent the majority of the day either reading or playing with Sylvanian Families, or outside with friends. I probably watched something on CBBC at the weekend and played on my DS sometimes, but usually I only watched Eastenders and half of Masterchef in the evening with my gran and mum and then I was off to bed! When I told my sister she said I 'can't understand what it's like to live in the modern age'!

Essentially, I really do want some advice on what to do with her. It can't be good for her to be sitting in front of a screen all day and interests and hobbies are a nice thing to have. I'm really hoping for some wisdom here.

(Sorry for the rambling post)

Does she not have friends to visit? Ballet/sports/some other kind of clubs? I agree it sounds very unhealthy and not quite usual.

@MargotMoon
I think I'm just going to get together with my grandma and tell my mum that we all just need to endure the drama until she goes off and does something!

In all honesty, this is a parenting issue for your mum. My DD is 8.5 and would spend all day every day on a screen - and would follow me round moaning if I let her. I need to impose pretty tight limits, and she doesn’t get to follow me round moaning, and I honestly don’t mind her being bored - she has lots of toys and I’ll suggest activities but she needs to learn how to fill her time too. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s part of the job description...

It would be great if you spent a bit of time with her, suggested things she could do but ultimately it’s your mums issue to resolve.

But the kid is entertaining herself, it’s just rather than picking something you want them to do, like reading or painting, they are choosing screen time and interacting with friends online.

Interacting online is a lot of fun when you are on your own. Seems much more like exciting than painting or reading on your own. But it does involve a screen.

You sound like the most amazing big sister @pompompurin. Well done you!

@LillianGish
It is awful, but all my friends are glued to their phones but somehow we manage to meet up and leave them at home, or in bags at least. I used to be on my phone loads but it's just a matter of making it entirely inaccessible so you can get on with other things.

(I love your username by the way)

@CarolinaPink
They visit sometimes but mainly to watch things/go on the xbox. They'll play out for a day or two in the summer. The thing is that her friends often play outdoors, but she won't play with them, just asks them to come in - they often refuse because they don't want to watch TV.

No clubs, because she won't do them.

Try the timetable.
I told DD I missed her and wanted to spend more time together, I found nagging and threatening was causing a bigger battle.
She would hold on even harder so I choose the nice route.
Our relationship has definitely improved.
If they think they've a choice, battle it out with her through smiles, growl on the inside.
Sometimes they're happy we take control.

@jellycatspyjamas
It is but my mum always needs a push, she had me young and I was raised by my grandma for a while, so she coasted through raising me because I'd already had all those key things instilled in me. Not to mention I was quiet, passive and calm (which my sister most certainly is not) and the best phones were flip phones because we weren't well off.

@silentlight I suppose, but it's not good in my opinion.

@reefedsail
Thank you! Honestly I just feel sorry for her. It's such a boring life to be sat in front of a screen all day, I really do pity her, it can't be fulfilling :(

@Emeraldshamrock
I think she'd be happy in the long run if someone took control, definitely. Maybe the nice route is a way to tackle it.

Sorry to be the usual untrained psychologist. Some of the things in your OP. Lack if interest in peers, constant looking for food, wanted to be plugged in to tech all day, isolation.
Do you think she may have SEN.

My dd is 10 and after 5 days at her dads over Xmas her and dd6 came back complete screen zombies. I've been taking them out for the day from early and making sure phones get left at home. Seems to have worked as we got home today at 4 and DD1 is still outside playing with neighbours, dd2 has just come in and is colouring

I agree with @jellycatspyjamas, this is down to your mum to resolve. You aren't the parent here and she is not your child. By all means offer to do stuff with her, take her out, play with her, but parenting decisions such as the amount of screen time she has are down to her mother.

@Emeraldshamrock
Very unlikely. She has a lot of friends at school and is very popular, does quite well in school, is chatty. When I speak to her over dinner, or when visiting family (like my gran) who have bad wifi, she's literally how you'd expect a 9 year old to be!

It's just getting her away while she's at home without the massive drama.

It's an addiction and I'd recommend going cold turkey.

@happycamper11
I'm quite tempted to spend the week doing things with her while she's outside of school, to at least get her used to being away from them. It's just keeping up with that when I'm occupied.

@Hoik
I agree too, but my mum'll never get down to it without some sort of help or convincing, even though she agrees entirely that she's in front of screens too much.

I’ll be honest: when I was her age the only thing I did independently was read. Wasn’t interested in drawing, playing with dolls, art or crafting, board games etc. I read constantly. I don’t remember anyone lamenting that I was “addicted to pages» or having too much «page time» and my parents just left me to get on with it.

Having said that, if you really want her to do things differently you’ll need:

Your mum on board
To set up new rules / schedule and apply them
Put up with the mardiness (great word!) until the new regime becomes routine.

How does she spend a “whole day gormless” on devices? Doesn’t she go to school? Do any regular activities? Meet up with friends or go to their houses? Eat meals? Do homework? My 9yr old spends time on YouTube/ games etc, but he also does all the above. We’ve made sports activities mandatory, and he likes to see his friends whenever he can - even if they end up gaming together. But they also play football, get taken swimming etc.

@Watchagotcha

When you read you have to put some thought into things, but when, like my sister, you sit and watch youtube or Fresh Prince reruns, it's hardly an activity which is in any way beneficial.

In terms of the whole day thing, I was more thinking of the Christmas holidays, the entire time was in front of the TV except for eating Christmas meals as she usually takes regular ones to her room. Her friend came to sleeping they just watched youtube or whatever on her xbox.

Well, I'm old-fashioned, but I would turn off the screens and then when she complains of boredom give her the choice of either finding something to entertain herself from her room or doing something helpful but really boring like clean the bath or peeling the potatoes for lunch. No being mardy, she does one or the other.

To be honest, this is on your mum to fix. She should limit screen time and offer alternatives (board games, independent reading, a nice walk/trip out if others are free, even helping with some housework should be doable at 9).

Yes, your sister might bug her. But she will get used to it eventually. She has been allowed to believe that her screen is her whole world, and this is not the case at all. She needs to learn otherwise, ASAP. It will only get worse at high school.

We were worried about screen time with our kids so things we have done is:

More family time - weekends we go out and do things like walking, park, swimming, tennis, picnics (even in this weather)

Spend time with them doing household stuff
I ask the kids to take turn helping me lay the table , employ the dishwasher, sort the laundry, not because I want them to do a chore but because the chat to me

Watch stuff together - I'm watching a documentary with my 7 yr old , a tv series with my 11 yr old so it means they are sat with me not in their rooms on gaming machines

I work full time so it often means I end up staying up late doing stuff I need to get done to fit this in

I’d suggest the following.

Screens don’t go on until a set time. Any moaning about it they don’t go on at all. Stick to it. Be ready with lots games and activities to help her transition.

I'll try to be more constructive.
I think to disconnect a house for a day or for any length of time is heavy handed.

1. These days children in primary schools get their homework online.
2. Exploit internet to help children to connect. They can do their homework together. All it needs is 2 or 3 parents to speak together and agree on app and time.
3. Horrible Histories is too juvenile for many 9 years old. Help her find more worth while stuff to watch. There is everything. Art, science, maths, historical costume making, historical cooking (instead Horrible Histories) then you can go for one of reenactments www.historic-uk.com/LivingHistory/EventsDiary/
4. It's easier to read what interests you than find interest in books that are home. Reading e-book is still reading. Also there are manga platforms where readers comment. It adds to feeling of connection. Can be done together with school friends. Or just get marshmallows, cream, hot chocolate and have school friends around. But leave them play with their mobiles if they wish so.
5. Have a movie night. You watch a movie and have different food on the sofa. K-drama with some Korean food? Popcorn? Pizza? Make it special, you will connect and watching alone will be boring.
6. Games are incredibly good for building up concentration. That is a very good transferrable skills. You try some games too. You can't possibly criticize what you didn't wholeheartedly try.
7. I agree with your sister. You DO sound to me like someone from old times. Not like someone from a generation who downloaded an app to track period cycle during sex education in school.

@Betterversionofme
She has never had any homework online, ever. It's always worksheets! And not many of them either, not that I think that that's bad.

Horrible Histories too juvenile?! Even I enjoy it! We watch some of the songs in A-level History I'm very much into historical costuming, particularly children's clothing, so she's got lots of Edwardian and Victorian style dresses and I've tried to get her into this sort of thing but she's not so keen.

I'll try to suggest e-books, it's a very good idea, but I think she's probably more averse to the actual reading, rather than the choice of books.

She only plays Minecraft, Roblox and Sims. All of which I've tried at some point. They're fine to play for a bit but not as your sole interest surely? I'd also disagree with the point that they build concentration.

I don't know how you imagine sex education in schools to be, but in mine it was a 6 week period of lessons where the science teacher explained everything. Then a fill-in-the-blanks test and that was all. I can't think of a single useful thing we did relating to technology in school, everyone I know just uses it all to go on social media, which is fine, but gets incredibly boring.

Your little sister is very lucky to have you. Your DM needs to take control it all to easy to let them sit at a screen for hours.
She doesn't need to read or paint alone your DM needs to be involved.
9 is still so young, far to young to looking at InstaGram.

My 8 year old loves nothing more than time in front of Playstation / Switch / iPad and I do let him do this but also have him involved in every activity going, football, rugby, swimming, scouts etc so when he does zonk in front of the screen on his headset to his friends he is generally already exercised / aired / socialised so it doesn’t matter so much and it isn’t a full day wasted. My 10 year old couldn’t be less interested though and still plays with toys and reads a lot.