How to get a 9 year old to have any sort of interest but TV and xbox?

[pompompurin]

I will say this is my younger sister, but still, it drives the whole family crazy that she spends the entire day gormless in front of the TV! (Or on her phone/tablet on TikTok or Instagram or whatever else)

My mum isn't doing anything about it because when she does attempt to disconnect the house for a day, my sister will spend the entire time in the kitchen following my mum around calling her nasty, mean, etc. or begging to food to eat out of boredom.

She has a bedroom full of toys, games, books, things she could do independently, but won't even give them a go. Once I bought her a jigsaw puzzle, she convinced my mum to do it with her and spent the entire time complaining that the first pieces she chose wouldn't fit and that she wasn't doing it anymore because it was boring.

I've been trying to help her find something that interests her, like I showed her Horrible Histories on TV, but when I tried to give her a few of the old books and magazines she refused them.

I'm currently 18, but I could've swore that at that age I spent the majority of the day either reading or playing with Sylvanian Families, or outside with friends. I probably watched something on CBBC at the weekend and played on my DS sometimes, but usually I only watched Eastenders and half of Masterchef in the evening with my gran and mum and then I was off to bed! When I told my sister she said I 'can't understand what it's like to live in the modern age'!

Essentially, I really do want some advice on what to do with her. It can't be good for her to be sitting in front of a screen all day and interests and hobbies are a nice thing to have. I'm really hoping for some wisdom here.

(Sorry for the rambling post)

could you play a board game with her?

Pray for a miracle. The xbox is some form of link to an unforgiving deity. (who is probably doing that flaming fortnite dance).

You were a weird kid.

@Betterversionofme

No she wasn't, FFS don't be rude just to try and get a rise out of people. Jog on.

You were a weird kid.

What a nasty comment.........

You weren't a weird kid OP, that's normal, you mother should be nipping it in the bud, that's far too much screen time

How about taking her out places?
My kids are almost 8 and almost 9 so I know how easy it is for them to just zone into tablets etc.
But, at the weekend, we get up and go. Swimming, trampoline park, up a hill, walk to Tesco, then the cafe for pancakes. Anything really to get them out of the house. I tend to not give them an option (they fight and always pick opposite ideas) but I’ll always chose something I know they like.
We have phases of after school activities - none at the moment as we’re in the NE of Scotland so anything outdoors and it’s pitch black and freezing but I always pick up new activities about Easter for them.
Also, screen time! Set it on the iPad, add a password. Add time limits for certain apps. Remove YouTube from TVs etc so she can’t access inappropriate content.
Also, 9 years old shouldn’t have Instagram/snapchat/tiktok. They are vile for kids and there’s so much bullying!

@nicknamehelp

I do when I have the time, but I'm coming to the end of my A-levels so it's hard to find time to play more than one a week. When we do play she enjoys them, especially really complicated ones, but it's just the issue of finding something to do independently.

@Marriedtoapenguin

I agree!

Has she tried various after school activities and clubs? Swimming, football, dancing, netball, cricket, girl guides etc?

I have always limited the amount of time my kids have on screens as given the choice, they the would often probably choose computer games initially, until they get into another activity eg crafts or lego. Once into something else, they will do it for hours but I think the instant gratification from tv or computers makes them an easy first choice.

I think it's good for kids to be bored sometimes, to make them do their own thing so if I was your mum, I'd impose restricted screen time and let her whine that she's bored. Just ignore the moaning and she'll have to entertain herself

It sounds like your sister needs two things: a big tech detox- screen time limits imposed and strictly enforced, then some structure- extra-curricular activities, walks, expectations to help with cooking etc.

TBH though, unless your mum steps up I don't think there is much you can do.

Does she not go to any extracurricular activities? Would she like dance, theatre, tennis or anything?

@AryaStarkWolf
I agree, but I can see how she finds it difficult to be bugged all day when she's busy.

@CatFaceCats
It's a good idea but there's very little in the area and no one in the family drives, so she does get a trip to the shops once a week or so and occasionally swimming with friends, but most places are quite far and expensive to boot.

I'm going to try to convince my mum about putting screen time. We were supposed to do it over new year and slowly cut it down but nothing's been happening with it all!

I'm also in complete agreement about the social media being bad, over dinner she was scared about WW3 - there's really no need for children having social media until they're a bit more... worldly (?) I suppose.

@Chocolatemouse84
She used to swim, but quit that after getting her 100m because it became boring apparently. I've tried to get her into loads of things, but she refuses to try them.

The issue is is that my sister doesn't seem to get bored of whining, nor does she think of things to do. Last time we tried a screen switch-off she spent probably around 2-3 hours nagging my mum, then lay down on the sofa and cried.

@reefedsail
I agree completely, but now I'm thinking if I can think of a good battle plan then she'll be more inclined to try it.

@CherryPavlova
There's little in the area, but everything accessible (I even said I'd take her to things up to an hour away by bus) and she won't give it a chance.

Thing is though, doing things with her or organising activities that someone has to take her to isn't really solving the core issue of being unable to spend time amusing herself without a screen. I have the same issue with my DS (10). He will swim, run, bike, whatever, play games but not just 'be' in the house. He reads in bed a lot but not during the day, has issues with motor skills so won't do lego (or not without being very supported). DD plays with her soft toys, lego. Dolls, writes stories, does craft, usually with minimal intervention from me but he just can't. Its difficult. I do do things with him but work full time and am a single parent so can't be always engaging him.

Try and use You Tube to your advantage.

There are thousands of tutorials on there for just about every activity eg drawing, crafts, cooking etc. Perhaps you could find something to interest her.

Another activity using technology, but encourages you to get out and about is geocaching. Sort of treasure hunting using the GPS on your phone. You can download an app (I like c:geo) and see what's in your area. At 9 your sister would need someone else with her as most sites are a bit hidden away.

Are there any local groups she could join? Brownies/Guides or Cubs/Scouts etc.

Does your sister have any other siblings to play with? I have an only child of a similar age and I find they do tend to play online when there isn’t anyone else to play with at home. Online play is an easy way to interact with other children these days if there is no one around at home to play with (which is fine as long as it’s in a moderated, monitored or restricted online environment).

Here we go out if we want to get our child off the screens, or do something together. But if they are expected to entertain themselves they are drawn to interacting online.

I think times have changed, and it seems logical in today’s kids minds that if they have no one to play with then you can easily find a community online to keep you busy.

@HugeAckmansWife
I agree, there's only myself, my younger brother (12) and mum in my household and we're all quite busy so we can't spend all day playing with her/taking her places. It's a good fix for weekends, but otherwise difficult.

Last time we tried a screen switch-off she spent probably around 2-3 hours nagging my mum, then lay down on the sofa and cried.

Shortly after this was probably the point where she would have given up an done something else. Shes so conditioned to being passively stimulated by tech that you will all have to ride some discomfort to get her off it.

@silentlight
My brother is 12 but they don't really get along. They're just very different from one another.

The only people she plays with (as far as I know) online are her friends who all live in the area - so they could all go out and play or go meet at each others houses!

Use a timetable. We have a basic white clock for ikea.
Coloured in sections.
It gives you some control, allows them input on the schedule.
They must go on a walk, colour play dough reading, tidy rooms during times off.

@reefedsail

I think she cried for a good half hour or hour. But I think it's become clear that we're just going to have to have a really nasty day (or few days). It's just that our house is tiny so no matter where you are you feel the effects of her mardiness.

Endure the nagging and crying, then she’ll go and find something to do. She needs time to let her imagination take back over. Get her some drawing materials, take her to the library to stock up on books and leave her to it for a bit.

@Emeraldshamrock
That could be a good thing to help!

@Sharononthetotallyinsane

We've got absolutely loads of art stuff and loads of books from when I was younger, it's just a matter of her using it.

I agree, there are good suggestions here if stuff to do but none of them address the core issue, which is that kids need to learn to entertain themselves. Being bored is IMPORTANT as it drives creativity, if you have a world of fun at your fingertips you are never going to use your imagination and if you can't do that when you're a kid when can you?

Having said all that I have zero idea how to tackle this though, sorry (except maybe just let her be bored, if your mum can stick to the screen time rule and your DSis sees that she may stop the theatrics and just find something to do??)

She's right - look around you. Everywhere you look you see people glued to their screens - on the train, in the bus, in a waiting room, coffee shop, supervising their kids in a children's playground, standing in a queue. sums it up for me. When your sister talks about "This is what it's like to live in the modern age" - sadly she is right. That is the example kids see all around them and many have a screen thrust into their hands as soon as they are old enough to hold one - in their pushchair or in a cafe "to keep them entertained". She needs a real person to play with (not helpful I know) or failing that try to make a virtue of her addiction by finding educational sites - my ds is now a brilliant cook after watching loads of cookery shows.