Should I stay away from the funeral?

[allcoloursoftherainbow]

My grandad passed away recently. I’ve always known he physically abused my mum and uncle as a child but I assumed mum had forgiven him on some level. During his illness she didn’t visit him much and just said he’s getting what he deserves. He left her brothers money and possessions and my mum nothing. One of her brothers was mouthing off during the funeral planning saying she didn’t bother so doesn’t deserve anything. It came out he sexual abused my mother from ages 10-15. She left home at 15. One of them didn’t believe her, kicked off, saying she is bitter and lying. Threatened violence. Her and my dad are not going to the funeral now it is out, but I’m not supposed to know.
Should I go to the funeral or not? What a mess.

Thank you all. It actually is a bit of a release for me to be able to talk to others about it.
The uncle that was abused has been like a second dad to me, he’s been there for me through some tough times and I love him and his wife very much. I would be upset to think I wouldn’t see them again. The other uncle lives much closer but has only been in and out of my life as it suited (coming to nosey at my babe when I gave birth, the odd birthday card) we are not close and the thought of not having him in my life doesn’t hurt me. I think my closest uncle does believe mum as does his wife, but he is mentally unwell and has been for a long time, as a direct result of his past I assume. He has already apologised to mum for last nights reaction and said he doesn’t want to talk about him again, his own way of saying he believes her but he isn’t mentally well enough to deal with it right now.

Don't go. If they ask just say "I know what he did to my mother" If it's the mouthy one, add "I know what you did to my mother too. You're digusting, don't come near us again".

No way.

I don’t know how I would explain not going

Easy - "I don't attend the funerals of paedophiles."
Your poor mum. Hope you can spend some time with her on the day.

Why are you between a rock and a hard place? He sexually abused your poor mother. Nasty bastard is better off dead! Stay with your mum.

Why on earth are you even asking. Everything you've said about your mum is quite clear she wants nothing to do with him, right down to the not attending so why even be confused?
Support her by not attending and having as little to do with the lot of them

I agree with PP's, don't go. If nasty uncle presses for a reason, you could always reply (in all truth) "My Mum needs my support", followed by a hard stare. Bullies are usually cowards at heart, and he will think twice about pushing you into coming out and actually saying something. Abuse like this thrives on shame and secrecy. You have nothing to be ashamed of, nor does your poor mum - or indeed your kind uncle.

@allcoloursoftherainbow I'm with you 100% when you say you're not going to the funeral, (after what he's done, even though I don't know him, I hope he is burning in hell) and your mum will need your support.

On the day of the funeral could you arrange to do something with her? Maybe an afternoon tea or take her to a spa type place so she can relax? Just a thought, as it's going to be a hard day for her, whether she is at the funeral or not.

You don't need to explain to anyone why you aren't going. Just don't go, they can't make you and your nice uncle should understand why. You can offer your support to your mum and nice uncle in other ways.

Don't go. Stay with your mum. It must be a really hard time for her. If your uncles ask then I'd just tell them the truth.

That seems really disloyal to your DM if you were to go.

Thanks everyone. I forgot my login details hence the late reply but just remembered them. I need to decide tonight what I’m doing. I’ve been making myself sick with worry about it all.