To ask how on Earth to overcome this?!

[Disillusioneddaisy]

I've posted about this before under different name(s). It's an issue that is taking over my life and I can't control it.

I suffer from intermittent anxiety that manifests itself in physical symptoms the worst of which being an urgent need to use the loo - both bowel and bladder issues but bowel issues more. I understand the biological reasons for this; stress creates the urge to defecate as part of the fight/flight response. It's primal. I can't control it and when I need to go the urge is very real not just something I imagine.

Because I'm conscious and aware of this I'm finding that the anxiety now rears up in situations where a toilet isn't readily available. So any new place where I don't know where the toilet is. Any place where there isn't a toilet (can no longer take my dogs to the woods because of this). Work meetings where I know it'll be noticeable if I have to leave. Long car journeys are a massive trigger especially motorways.

I've tried everything from meditation to cbt. I plan my routes and try to find out where toilets are before I set off on car journeys or go to somewhere new. But nothing seems to help. I'm actually considering hypnotherapy but it's bloody expansive! I take Imodium but Doctor is reluctant to prescribe me anything to treat the anxiety as this is the only real physical symptom of my anxiety and it only flares up in certain situations. When I'm home or in familiar places/routines then I'm fine.

I've had some amazing advice and support when I've posted here before but now I have a new challenge. There is a family wedding on my partners side in the next few months that requires a three hour car journey and his parents have asked to travel with us. I can just about manage car journeys with dp as he understands my condition and is patient if we need to stop etc. But I will feel so embarrassed with the in laws in the car too. They won't understand and the fear and anxiety will make it even worse. I'm actually contemplating not attending the wedding because of this. For all of his understanding in the past dp is having a bit of a 'you'll just have to deal with it' attitude which isn't helping at the minute.

Seriously I need to conquer this insane toilet anxiety because it's ruining my life! Any tips or experience once again welcome especially for the wedding trip...

Bump

Oh I’m sorry, I suffer with aniexty at times and I dread being sick.. I honestly don’t have an answer other than, could you take Imodium for this event or is it not enough?

Is there any way to travel separately to your in laws? With our offending them?

Will you be driving? If so, just stop as and when you need to - no explanations required. If your DP is driving then make sure he agrees to stop as he normally would and if questions are asked, he can just say that car journeys sometimes make you feel unwell so you need to take breaks.

Honestly, you are an adult...your days of explaining when/why you need the bathroom to parents (his or yours) are behind you. When you need to go, you need to go.

Treating your anxiety might be more challenging, maybe CBT wasn't the right therapy for you and your GP should look at referring you for something else. You may need help to find the root cause (if you have one) and deal with that before something like CBT will be effective.

I would think ads combined with therapy, but if it doesn't work, how about reflexology? If a good therapist they can help you calm down and adjust your bowels.

And as pp said, you are an adult, no need to explain you need a toilet, just go. My dh and I sometimes complete in needing the loo on long car journeys, just the thought makes us want to pee. It's okay, even a roadside with the car doors open around you will do, if you have an upset stomach.

So deep breath, you can do this .

This won't help for the wedding but I suffered in the exact way you describe for many years. I would even avoid restaurants or pubs when I knew there were only 1 or 2 toilet cubicles.

The only thing that really resolved it for me was proper long term counselling that dealt with the underlying cause of the anxiety. For me it wasn't anything particularly dramatic but a combination of factors from childhood that lead me to have some self esteem issues.

Hypnotherapy did work for me but it was for a limited time, about 6-8 months.

I feel for you, truly. The car journey thing really resonates with me and I would do anything to avoid being in any situation where these kind of things would arise.

I hope you find a way to deal with this that works for you. Its miserable and no way to live. I would say I have been free of this for about 4-5 years and when I think back, I find it hard to imagine how I managed to live and work and function. Like you, I have a very understanding DH and that was an enormous help although I also think it holds you back a bit from recovering in a strange way.

For the journey I would just tell the in laws "I get sick so we'll be stopping every 45 mins" (or whatever interval you need). No discussion needed as you and DH are in charge of when you stop. More generally, ask your GP about whether thus is a phobia and if so what do they recommend. They can't just say they won't do anything for you.

My DP has this so I do understand how a seemingly simple change of having 2 extra people in the car can have such a massive impact on you.

I can't give any real practical advice (other than maybe a pre-trip Imodium) but the key here has to be access to better quality help to help you in the longer term.

CBT worked for my DP but he still has to read the notes every so often to remind himself. Randomly, he's found humming to himself distracts him enough.

He wasn't suffering quite as badly as you OP but he did plan journeys based on where he knew bathrooms were and we missed out on a really nice day out somewhere when his anxiety got so bad he couldn't get beyond the end of our road.

Please try the GP again, or see if there is a local charity that might be able to give you some guidance. We have a local NHS service which he was referred to by his GP. Or perhaps contact Mind?

My DP's condition was caused by an underlying IBS issue which then triggered the toilet anxiety and made everything worse, so he's on mebeverine too which he finds helps him, though I know not everyone gets on with it.

Absolutely give hypnotherapy a try.

I've had it for emetophobia - initially an 8 session course, and now I have a top up session every 6-9 months.

Changed my life!

Please so see counselling for your anxiety. Generally 6 sessions are given at first then more if needed. You can self refer is some areas or go through your gp. If you have the funds private services can be accessed quicker

I'm crying reading this. Finally I'm not alone someone else knows what it's like. I've been considering hypnotherapy for a while and I may go for it soon. This is ruining my life. I've missed so many things because of it.

I have foud that acupouncture has been really good for IBS issues triggered by stress.
I have been recommending my acupuncturist to everyine since then mainly beause it means I have been able to go out again wo always planning every single step.

I agree with all the others re therapy and getting help. On a more practical level for this trip, I think you should just say you can't take them. if necessary, lie and say it's because you've offered a friend a lift or that you're not sure about timings because of work/ other things and don't want the added pressure. Or tell them you get very car sick and you'll be stopping constantly so it really won't be fun for any of you if they come too.

I'd consider seeing another GP because I don't think this one is working for you. Either they don't understand the severity of how this has effected your life or they aren't taking it seriously enough.

From what I can see this has a serious impact on your life on a daily basis. Not being able to walk your dogs in the woods anymore and contemplating not going to a wedding means your symptoms are quite serious in my own humble opinion.

I have OCD and in my experience very few sufferers of anxiety are feeling anxious 100% of the time. Most of us have particular situations when it's worse then others.

In your circumstances I'd hope that you can find a GP who will at least consider trying you out with an anxiety medication as you may find that really helpful.

So sorry to read of your suffering. For this one occasion, could you take the train as an alternative? There is at least a toilet on board and so that would solve that issue. Explain to your in-laws that you have some bowel weakness at the moment and taking the train to the nearest station will help you- particularly as it’s wedding you’re attending and you don’t want to be worried about this problem on the day? I am sure they will be perfectly understanding and want to support you.

I have just started EMDR therapy for my anxiety at the moment - on the NHS. I get 12 sessions. Had to wait 3 months but hopefully it will help me. I hope you manage to solve your dilemma. Please consider applying for counselling. I was referred on by my GP to a general counsellor and then onto my now therapist. You have to go through hoops in the NHS to a certain extent but it’s definitely worth it.

You should also be able to refer yourself to your local NHS counselling service even without a GP referral. Here in Kent you can, so hopefully where you are, it will be the same. If you can look at the underlying causes of your symptoms, then that will be better long term for your health. Best of luck with the wedding and please think about the counselling. Panic attack coping strategies that my counsellor taught me have helped me a little. Sounds like you do suffer from panic as well- it’s so debilitating to suffer with this! Mine isn’t curable as such and peri- menopause makes my anxiety worse so if you can seek more support, I would urge you to.

I take Imodium but Doctor is reluctant to prescribe me anything to treat the anxiety as this is the only real physical symptom of my anxiety and it only flares up in certain situations.

Can you see a different doctor? Or go back and explain the effect it's having on your life. If it's stopping you doing things that most people would consider 'normal' things to do then the GP should consider further treatments, including medication.

Thank you all so much for replying. This has become somewhat of an obsession for me and I really need to find a way to conquer it. I have spoken to two different doctors - one referred me for cbt which didn't help at all. The other recommended a technique called visualisation relaxation to control my anxiety. I haven't given this a fair try yet tbh but I'm skeptical.

I know it's all in my mind and it's my anxiety that creates the symptoms but they are real symptoms and that's what makes it scary. Over Christmas we visited family 2 hours away. On the way there I was really anxious but it turned out to be a good route with plenty of places to stop. Once I knew this I was fine on the way back.

It doesn't affect me daily as such. I'm fine at work (providing there are no out of the ordinary meetings or high pressure situations) because it's a familiar environment. I'm fine at home too. It's just when I have to go anywhere new. The other day I had to wait in the dentist and even that set it off - not because there wasn't a toilet but because I was anxious I'd get called in any minute and not be able to go once I was in the surgery. Honestly it's ridiculous

I suffer too Op, the worst thing is the time taken up by stressing over it all and trying to find ways out or a solution. If it were me I would probably even be checking trains out to avoid the car situation and just meet them there

Op this is exactly me.

Mine started with a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis even though I haven't had a flare up in years it's still there in the back of my mind. I also had a really stressful year at work 2018 and I think I ran at a high level of stress so it didn't take much for my toilet anxiety to kick off. I was even making the kids late for school as I'd suddenly need to go last minute as I was worried about not having access to the loo. I was also having to google my sons football matches fixtures to check there were nearby loos.

I hate motorway journeys as well, as well as flying when the seat belt signs are on and you're not allowed to leave your seat.

The last 6 months have definitely got easier as I changed job and so my general stress levels had gone down. Exercise is also really meant to help.
Another thing (more so for car journeys) is that I've started taking a plastic bag, a sheet and change of underwear/clothes and just the knowledge of being prepared helps me relax. I would even think about travelling to the wedding the night before just yourselves so there's absolutely no time pressure. I find having to be somewhere for a certain time can also set me off.

I just wanted to say you are absolute not alone and I sympathise so much. My GP was similar to yours in that he was reluctant to prescribe me anything although he gave me diazepam for the flight and it was amazing.

I used to have mini anxiety attacks in the cinema which made me want to run to the loo. I discovered belly breathing and as soon as I feel it coming on, doing the breathing just sorts it out there and then. Probably not any use to actual IBS but useful if brought on by feeling anxious.

My husband has this. Stop with the immodium - that will not help. My husband plans ahead and often we build in 'toilet time' so he can feel 'empty' before we leave the house. This enables him to go to places where there are no loos for a short time. Plant based eating helps - sorry, I know it's a bit of a buzz thing that the minute but the less meat he eats, the better his symptoms. He still consumes eggs and dairy though. Sometimes, we begin a drive and he turns around to go to the loo. There is no magical cure, but a healthy diet and planning ahead help him.

Obviously you need some long term help to find a way through this but that wont help with this wedding.

On the morning if your journey, could you tell your in-laws that you had some bad food the night before so have a bit of a jippy tummy, which will mean more stops along the way. Then they wont question why you need to stop and the number of stops wont be an issue.

I think you should tell your in-laws the truth. I believe the biggest reason anxiety keeps such a hold on sufferers is because of the shame they feel over their struggles, and I say this due to personal experience. Keeping the fact you have anxiety a secret from everyone only strengthens it's grip and makes it worse.

I would tell your in-laws, before the trip, a bit of what you're dealing with and that you may need to make some extra stops in order to be comfortable. You could explain that in daily life, you manage very well, but being on the motorway can be a challenge for you. It is for me, too!

If your in-laws are kind, understanding people, they will be happy to help in any way they can.

I have ulcerative colitis, so have to use the toilet often and sometimes urgently. There are a few apps that you can download that show you where your nearest public loos are or this website: www.toiletmap.org.uk

There are connections between the gut and brain. If I get nervous I get a funny tummy.
I'm going to try hypnosis, as if I panic that there's no loo, then that's often when I'm at my worst.

I really wouldn't feel comfortable telling my in laws about this. They are nice people but we're not massively close and it took me a long time to even be able to confide in dp about it. I did suggest the train idea but that was shot down by everyone as too expensive and inconvenient. Can't really argue as I agree and would purely be opting for a train for the toilet factor.

This hasn't always been an issue for me. In my youth I travelled all over. Overnight buses, road trips, inter railing you name it. I can't even pin point when or where this started. I have had problems with it in the past then it's gone away for a few months, even years. But this time it's back with a vengeance and doesn't seem to be going away. I would love to have a magic pill to take the symptoms away.

To the pp who Google's football fixtures - same! My poor ds plays football all over and it often involves standing on muddy fields in the middle of nowhere with no nearby facilities. I'm ashamed to say I've missed a few matches because of it. Usually there are changing rooms with toilets available but one time they were locked and I had the worst attack, I had to leave. I honestly hate it.

I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like you might benefit from anxiety medication just to break the cycle as you've got the unfortunate situation of being anxious about a symptom that itself is worsened by anxiety. In the meantime, have you tried eating bananas? I find they can be effective against even the most determinedly active bowel!