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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be concerned

36 replies

majormumma · 05/01/2020 19:57

My best friend has met an amazing guy who she’s madly in love with, he’s a great guy who makes her very happy which I’m so happy to see. He’s met my husband, DS and I on a good few occasions and I always get a good vibe from him.... until...
My friend and I were talking one night and she mentioned he’d made a few jokes around child abuse, I can’t remember the jokes but naturally I don’t think things like that are funny/ subject of jokes. Now I’m just over thinking things, he’s really good with DS (in our company of course) and has since suggested we go for a seaside trip in the summer which then made me question whether there’s an ulterior motive which now reading back does sound really stupid.
I think I’m probably being stupidly over protective, he really seems like a great guy but of course the jokes made me feel a little weird. I’m thinking to just monitor him around DS and trust my gut. Not really sure what I’m asking lol

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/01/2020 19:59

What were the jokes?

EarlGreyT · 05/01/2020 19:59

What’s LOL about your question?

needanewnamechange · 05/01/2020 20:00

Yeah will need to know the jokes .

Tombliwho · 05/01/2020 20:01

lol?
I can't really think of any acceptable jokes about child abuse that could be interpreted as anything other than fucked up so no I wouldn't have him around my kid.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/01/2020 20:01

There was a thread recently about Cards Against Humanity - upshot was apparently lots of people think jokes about rape and child abuse are absolutely find and you're a prude if you think otherwise.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/01/2020 20:02

I’m sure if you were upset by these jokes you remember what they were. Child abuse isn’t remotely amusing. Is she worried about his sense of humour?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/01/2020 20:02

What were the jokes?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/01/2020 20:02

*fine.

PumpkinP · 05/01/2020 20:02

Tbh if it was that bad surely you would remember?

Original poster
majormumma · 05/01/2020 20:02

Ok pointless thread my bad, I can’t remember them exactly they just made me feel weird at the time and then the seaside thing today - probably overreacting.

EarlgreyT - I was referencing the point that I hadn’t actually really asked a question and had more or less ranted.

OP posts:
CustardT · 05/01/2020 20:02

Does it seem strange to you he’d want to go to the seaside with you?

I don’t think any of my friends without children would suggest that. Let alone new partners of friends....

noeyedeer · 05/01/2020 20:03

Trust your gut. If you are at all uneasy, Clare's Law might be able to help. Often abusers groom the adults in a child's life way before they groom the child.

TheTrollFairy · 05/01/2020 20:05

If you won’t be leaving your child unattended or naked around him then there should be no issue.

I would probably be uncomfortable about jokes about child abuse but Before I had DD I don’t think I would have found it uncomfortable (but still wouldn’t have found it uncomfortable)

travellover · 05/01/2020 20:08

I hate those kind of jokes I think they're vile - but I feel like if he was an actual child abuser he wouldn't be making it obvious by making jokes? Idk, that's just my view Smile more than likely just dark humour but I hate that!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/01/2020 20:09

noeyedeer think you mean Sarah's Law.

windycuntryside · 05/01/2020 20:10

I couldn’t get past this personally, even if she made it clear to him “that’s not funny” - it wouldn’t change him. I don’t need people to agree with me btw I just can’t find this funny or even acceptable,

Claphands · 05/01/2020 20:11

Trust your instinct, IMO the seaside idea is a bit odd. I’d personally question why anyone who isn’t related or an old friend being overly interested in your DC

needanewnamechange · 05/01/2020 20:15

Your friend mentioned these alleged child abuse jokes knowing you have a child . Some people do have a odd sense of humour.

OlaEliza · 05/01/2020 20:16

but I feel like if he was an actual child abuser he wouldn't be making it obvious by making jokes?

That's exactly what they do. Hide in plain sight. Test boundaries.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/01/2020 20:17

@CustardT I know plenty of childless people who love to go to the beach...

Original poster
majormumma · 05/01/2020 20:20

I suppose I don’t know if my mind is running wild / paired with mothering instinct that the jokes were unusual (maybe my friend wanted my steer as she also said he had a fake sense of humour!) Initially I thought it was sweet that he suggested us 4 + DS going to the seaside then my mind ran away with me ...
will continue to trust my instinct of course and not put my child in harms way

OP posts:
Original poster
majormumma · 05/01/2020 20:21

Dark sense of humour *

OP posts:
CustardT · 05/01/2020 20:21

Lots of childless people love to go to the beach. But what kind of a relationship does the OP have with this person that would make suggesting a day trip with them a normal thing to do?

It’s the middle of winter. Why would you be talking about it now?

It may all feel normal and fine to the OP. Or it may not. I’m suggesting she thinks about the exact invite and whether it was weird or not.

Who makes plans now in the middle of winter to go to the seaside in the summer?

SunshineCake · 05/01/2020 20:32

Listen to your instincts. It's your duty as a mother of a child who can't protect themselves.

Herpesfreesince03 · 05/01/2020 20:35

It’s impossible to form an opinion without knowing the jokes and context. For example I find frankie Boyle a funny comedian (I know a lot of people don’t) and a LOT of his material is about child abuse. It doesn’t make someone a pedofile