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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there should have been something more I could have done?

27 replies

amehh · 05/01/2020 15:14

So I've just been shopping and I was walking slowly behind an elderly lady. I looked up to see if DHs car was outside to pick me up and in that split second my trolley caught the ladys ankle and she fell (very slowly) to the ground. Her foot was under the trolley, which I lifted off. When I say this was very slow, I didn't feel an impact or jolt to the trolley, it gently stopped moving and I saw the lady in front was close to the front of the trolley and then she was going towards the ground.

I apologised several times and offered to get a first aider which the lady declined and then a member of the public said "I'll do it, don't bother" and another got a chair. I felt I couldn't physically help the lady up as 1) I didn't want to cause any further injury and 2) my 2 month old was in my trolley and I didn't want to leave her unattended either. The lady's husband was understandably annoyed and he said "well this is a big problem, she has osteoarthritis you know" and I apologised again.

I saw DH and got him to get DD in the car while I went back and by this time the first aider had come and the lady had walked inside the shop. I caught up to them and asked the member of staff what else I could do and if I needed to leave my name or number etc and she said not to worry and they would sort everything out.

I honestly can't stop thinking about it and that I should have done something else, that everyone was expecting me to do more but I didn't know what more to do. I'm really concerned that I've seriously hurt the lady and that, with the fragility of elderly people, may have done some damage or possibly even caused a fatal clot or something (thank you Google).

Should I have done more?

OP posts:

ChittyChittyBoomBoom · 05/01/2020 15:18

Why were you walking so closely behind her? You must’ve been very close to catch her ankle in the split second it took you to look up.

Ash39 · 05/01/2020 15:33

So you saw her walking inside the shop afterwards? If so then I'm sure she fine. It was just an accident

WhoAmIToTellYou · 05/01/2020 15:34

Be more careful next time.
Lady’s husband sounds a bit of a dick - how are you supposed to know her medical conditions?..

TheReluctantCountess · 05/01/2020 15:35

It’s an accident and people rallied around to help her. She was up and walking afterwards.

Wattagoose90 · 05/01/2020 15:38

Don't torture yourself, accidents happen. I'm not sure how much more you could've done with a baby in tow.

You could go back to the shop and asked if she left any details so you could arrange flowers as an apology or something, but I doubt she would've left any information.

silverpillows · 05/01/2020 15:39

It was an accident and from your post it seems as if you did everything you could.
These things happen. I've had it done to me in the shops when people were too busy concentrating on something else and I've also done it as well. We're all human and make mistakes. Try not to worry too much about it.

GruciusMalfoy · 05/01/2020 15:40

Accidents can happen really easily, especially in busy supermarkets. There was nothing else for you to do after apologising and making sure she was OK, which I'm guessing she was, given she was walking into the shop.

taxfreechildcare · 05/01/2020 15:41

You couldn't really do anything else.

Why on earth were you so close behind her though??

Londongirl86 · 05/01/2020 15:42

It's an accident. They happen. Sending you a hug. You were right not to lift her. Unfortunately the elderly are more likely to not get up as easily. But they usually recover fine. I did care work and I'd often go in and find one of my ladies on the floor. I always called 999 and they would come lift them back up and check them over.

Don't beat yourself up. Trolleys are horrible heavy things to steer

ParkheadParadise · 05/01/2020 15:43

It was an accident. It's not as if you rammed your trolley up her backside.
Hopefully she's ok. Don't think there was much else you could have done.

Lulualla · 05/01/2020 15:43

Next time, if theres an elderly/slow walker infront of you, why don't you actually leave a gap. You must have had that trolley right up her backside to catch her foot whist you looked away. Back off a bit.

Fishflame · 05/01/2020 15:45

Those trollies are so unwieldy and can move so fast... just an accident. Husband was probably just worried about her.

CoffeeConnoiseur · 05/01/2020 15:46

You must have been right up her arse to catch her ankle and then then run over her foot with your trolley.

You could ask the supermarket if they have her details so you could send flowers but I doubt they'd give you them, data protection and all that.

Honeyroar · 05/01/2020 15:48

It was an accident. You did all you could. Her husband was probably a bit snappy as he was worried. I can understand things like that can happen in a split second if she perhaps slowed down a bit while you looked away. Hopefully all’s well and good.

Original poster

amehh · 05/01/2020 15:52

Thank you for your answers, I'll contact the shop in case she has left details and I can send an apology.

In terms of being so close to her, I had slowed myself already to keep a distance as I only came across them as I rounded the corner but must have misjudged the distance more than I realised.

I feel horribly guilty and can't stop thinking about it. DH says she will probably be fine but I can't help but worry.

OP posts:

Taddda · 05/01/2020 15:54

It was an accident, you tried to do everything you could to offer help (her husband does sound a bit of a tool, how could you know about her condition, you also accidentally bumped into her, you didnt aim your trolley at her thinking 'she could take a bump!)

This happens to me all of the time (for some reason!), I dont think people aim their trolleys at me on purpose so jump in with a 'what do you think your doing!', just accept people are trying to concentrate on shopping, trollies can also be a nightmare to manoeuvre!
Plus you had LO with you, you were looking out for DH...total accident.

You were right to check she was okay, you offered help and even to leave your information, she was up and walking before you left?- if it does set your mind at ease I'd go back to customer service and ask if all was okay- if it wasn't I'd sure they'd have the information there.
Try not to worry (don't Google!)

Gazelda · 05/01/2020 15:57

It was an accident. But hopefully you've learned not to push a trolley so close to other shoppers.

I can understand her husband's annoyance, I would have reacted similarly. And just because she got up to walk into the store doesn't mean she uninjured, although her mobility is a good sign that there's nothing serious.

At the time, I think you should have gone to get first aid immediately. Take responsibility for the accident you caused.

As another shopper dealt with the first aid, I think you should have taken the opportunity to go into customer service to explain the incident and leave your details, asking them to pass them on to the lady so she can let you know she's ok. Rather than asking if you should leave your details, I would have insisted in doing so.

And then I would have stayed to offer the couple a lift home if they needed, or to see if they would like you to help them to their car or whatever.

I think the very least you can do now is to contact the store to ask after the lady, and to ask if they could facilitate sending some flowers (maybe you order them for them to deliver?)

It was an accident. You have a tiny baby, don't be too hard on yourself. But equally, your posts reads to me as a bit "poor me, I feel so bad".

Teacup34 · 05/01/2020 15:57

It was an accident. Don't beat yourself up about it, I don't think you could have done more than you did. I think it was kind of you to go back and try to help 💐

Newbie1981 · 05/01/2020 16:00

Ignore those saying be more careful! Shit happens and this is why we call it an ACCIDENT!! Don't punish yourself!

sparepartalways · 05/01/2020 16:00

It was an accident don’t worry

I knocked a delivery man out once and he was flat out in the bonnet of the car I felt awful

HugeAckmansWife · 05/01/2020 16:03

I think those having a ho at you for being too close are being unfair. Supermarkets are busy places, its not always easy to maintain a distance if someone slows downs or stops abruptly, in that moment, as you were looking aside, the distance travelled could easily be shortened to involve an impact. Sounds like you did do what you should. There really are times when things are just an accident.

Bluetrews25 · 05/01/2020 16:09

So you left a good gap, then next time you looked up she was falling? Sounds like she unexpectedly stopped walking so you caught up with her.
She'll be fine, she was walking, and I've never known anyone get a DVT in these circumstances .

Taddda · 05/01/2020 16:21

@Bluetrews25 that a good point about her unexpectedly stopping walking....I'm also now fully aware of why it might be that people bump into me all the time!

Original poster

amehh · 05/01/2020 16:34

Thank you again for all your replies, I appreciate them all (good and bad). I'm not trying to defend myself at all, it was absolutely my misjudgment that caused the accident, just that I haven't found myself in the situation of accidentally (or on purpose) harming someone, particularly elderly, and I wasn't certain what, if anything, more I could or should have done at the time. Having an elderly grandmother myself, I am genuinely worried for this lady and would have been just as upset as her husband if it was my relative. She seemed to want to reassure everyone, she said it was just sore and thought perhaps it was a strain, but of course things don't always hurt immediately or she may have been trying to keep herself and everyone else calm, bless her. Despite her walking back through the shop at what seemed to be a similar pace to before the accident, you just never know. Her foot wasnt run over, it appeared that the bar on the trolley caught the back of her foot/heel of her shoe and she fell as she tried to take a step. When I went to the front of her trolley, her shin was on the ground with the top of her foot also on the ground (the same as if you were kneeling) and like I said, there was no jolt or sudden drop to the ground, it all happened very slowly. I initially wondered if I had caught a bag or something similar had gotten stuck under the bar and then saw the lady start to fall.

Anyway, I can't contact the shop today as its closed for Sunday now but I will get down there straight after the school run tomorrow to see if there are any details about what happened after or how to contact the lady to apologise and send some flowers.

Thank you again for your responses and your suggestions of what to do next.

OP posts:

Fishflame · 05/01/2020 16:39

I've done the same thing myself - clipped someone with the trolley. She was fine about it, although it obviously hurt.

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