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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned about this?

47 replies

BasinHaircut · 05/01/2020 01:15

Not sure if I am overreacting here or not so would like some impartial advice.

DS (6) was messing about on e iPad sending texts to me. The iPad is linked to DH’s phone so had all of his texts and WhatsApp’s and emails etc on it. I don’t ever snoop because he has never given me reason to. However, I was sitting next to DS yesterday messing about as above and I notice a message to ‘Jane Smith’ (not real name) saying ‘I want to stick my mummy in your pussy’. No other messages in the thread. DH said he had no recollection of the message. He was absolutely smashed that night so seems plausible that he wouldn’t remember.

The message was sent on a night 2 months ago where DH was at an event with some friends, including my brother (so no question about where he was), and whilst he was out met up with a colleague (Jane) and her husband as they were also there.

I didn’t know what to think so went upstairs and DH followed about 10 mins after to reiterate he didn’t remember sending the message, said it must have been meant for me (but we don’t send each other shit like that ever). He then showed me the WhatsApp conversation between them where they had arranged the meet up and there were no further messages. But he had had 10 mins where he could have deleted other things?

For context, I can’t imagine where DH would find the time for an affair. He comes straight home from work every day. He rarely goes out without me and his friends are mostly my friends husbands so when he does I’m fairly confident that he is where he says he is. He has no hobbies aside from golf which he plays with his cousin and running which he does from home. I know his phone pin and his messages are readable without opening the phone up anyway. As I say it’s all linked to the iPad too.

I guess what’s bothering me is just the message. I can’t work it out. He definitely sent it, no denying it. His colleague clearly hasn’t mentioned it and if I had ‘accidentally’ sent that and found out 2 months later I think I would be visibly mortified.

I’m not sure what to do next?

OP posts:
Chocolateandchats · 05/01/2020 01:25

He’s probably mortified (rightly so). He’s either got a childish crush on her or there is something more, the fact that you say he’s not secretive makes me think the former. I hate the drunk excuse but I think his behaviour now that you’ve questioned him will be very telling.

Brimful · 05/01/2020 01:26

Usually, if something doesn't add up, there's more to it.

Just not remembering sending a message like that does seem bizzare, I'd be concerned too, OP.

Is there anything else that has jumped out at you?

elmosducks · 05/01/2020 01:29

These were on WhatsApp? On an iPad? And she never responded to it?

If I was deleting messages, I would have deleted that one as well..:

user1473878824 · 05/01/2020 01:31

OP I’m really sorry, I’m thrown. Was ‘mummy’ a typo?

FreedomBird · 05/01/2020 01:32

It says if a message has been deleted on WhatsApp. So it’s unlikely he deleted.

‘Mummy?’ WTAF?!

Goodgollymiss · 05/01/2020 01:35

Strange

fedup21 · 05/01/2020 01:35

I want to stick my mummy in your pussy

Mummy??

Does he say things like this?!

mokapot · 05/01/2020 01:37

But your son can see all of those messages???!!!!
Bizzare why you would link your dh’s phone to your sons iPad...I know I’m missing the point but still...adult messages should be privy to adults only , explicit or otherwise

Rockchick1984 · 05/01/2020 01:43

That sounds like one of those daft Facebook things where you press your text prediction thing to see what comes up - similar to this one. If I found that on DH messages with no other context I'd think it was from one of those!

To be concerned about this?
Original poster
BasinHaircut · 05/01/2020 01:43

Well I’m assuming mummy was a predictive text thing, and as I say we don’t send stuff like that so wouldn’t have thought there was anything there that that DS might come across.

It’s not DS’s iPad it’s one we all use and it’s linked to DH’s account so it all shows up.

I didn’t know that WhatsApp showed if a message had been deleted so that’s reassuring. And yes this message was from early November and nothing else since. They don’t seem to have communicated apart from that and the messages on WhatsApp about meeting up at the event.

Maybe he does have a crush on her, I don’t care about that. We all have crushed right? (Well I do!) but the message.....

But no, nothing else causes any alarm to me. It’s just this.

OP posts:
UnFuckingAcceptable · 05/01/2020 01:44

Either there's a typo in the OP or this is a weird wind up.
I'm not particularly adventurous, quite vanilla really but I'm sure that sticking a mummy somewhere isn't quite right

mokapot · 05/01/2020 01:45

@BasinHaircut
I see: sorry
I wouldn’t worry. Sticking his mummy in janes pussy would be quite uncomfortable for Jane I would think

IncrediblySadToo · 05/01/2020 01:55

It does look like that stupid thing that rockchic posted above. Though that’s on Facebook not WhatsApp

However, given everything else you’ve said -particularly that yes but secretive with his phone/messages and the oddness if they message (and that he didn’t delete it) I woukd then give it another thought.

I know you weren’t actively looking, but I would hate someone to look through my messages or google searches...they would find an enormous amount of weird shit (mostly thanks to MN) and half if it I wouldn’t remember seeing/searching etc - I’d be very annoyed at having to ‘explain myself’ when I really couldn’t 😩

Macandcheeseplease · 05/01/2020 01:58

It doesn't say if you've deleted a message on WhatsApp. The rest of the chat would be there, but there's no way of knowing whether any messages have been deleted or not.

Butchyrestingface · 05/01/2020 02:03

That certainly knocks Prince Charles’ “I want to be your tampon” into a cocked hat.

On the bright side, if your husband was hoping to kick off an affair with this woman, I’d say he reduced his chances to zero with that text. 🤢

I would watch him like a praying mantis.

SpoonBlender · 05/01/2020 02:45

Missing the point of the thread entirely, how do you get whatsapp on the iPad? I'd thought it was rather famously not on ipads.

SpoonBlender · 05/01/2020 02:55

Well! Thanks Wakeme :)

canijustaskonemorething · 05/01/2020 03:01

Weird.

crustycrab · 05/01/2020 04:05

Was he so drunk he can't remember what they were doing? I'd say it was a predictive text game and completely innocent. Ask your brother maybe?

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 05/01/2020 06:17

It was a text message, he showed me the WhatsApp messages on his phone afterwards. I actually don’t know if his WhatsApp is on the iPad but the texts and emails are and you can use his FaceTime on there.

I actually expected everyone here to say it looked well dodgy and I’m surprised that many of you seem to be giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I’m not sure about the silly predictive text game although DH has never spoken to or sent me anything like that in the 12 years we’ve been together or in the additional few years I knew him before that.

I really don’t want to ask my brother and drag him into what might be nothing though.

One message (that makes no sense), no response, and nothing else for 2 months doesn’t seem like anything more than enough to make me feel a bit weird about it. But at the same time I don’t want to be a mug

OP posts:
MrTumblesSpottyHag · 05/01/2020 06:50

I want to stick my fingers in your car

^^ from my predictive text 😂

Sounds just as weird as your DH's text.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 05/01/2020 07:00

I don’t know.... you can delete stuff from whatsapp....

But then he must know it’s linked to the iPad his child uses so if your DH is up to something, he is also a complete moron.

Is he a good liar? Does he tell lies generally? (My DH will happily like to people and does it well. So in this situation I wouldn’t be trusting him at all. But that is my DH, who hasn’t done stuff like this)
I would watch him like an absolute hawk for the next while....

newdecadenewname · 05/01/2020 07:34

That certainly knocks Prince Charles’ “I want to be your tampon” into a cocked hat.

Did prince Charles actually say this????????

MarieG10 · 05/01/2020 07:49

iPad currently doesn't have WhatsApp as an app unless something has changed?

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