Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Godparents

42 replies

JimmyJam2019 · 04/01/2020 22:55

Choosing godparents for our second daughter and my husband is being an arse or AIBU?
First daughter had my two bestmates (who were also my bridesmaids) and my BIL.
For second daughter, I want the godfather to be my brother (my husband and I have one sibling each) to be even and fair. Hubby says as my brother and SIL are legal guardians in our wills, they already have a role in the girls' life and he wants to choose a friend he's known since we moved to this area a handful of years ago. Hopefully my brother will never have to take on the legal guardian role, so this shouldn't really be a consideration.
As for females we have one we both agree on but for the second my husband wants his friend's wife (who I maybe see 2/3 times a year when we have dinner together) yet we have many dear close friends we could choose from albeit many do not live close by.
I have to add that this couple are non-religious and although our vicar is quite liberal, he may say no anyway, so a non-issue.
But in the meantime, thoughts?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 04/01/2020 22:58

Can you not just have extra god parents and include everyone that you both want?

ineedaholidaynow · 04/01/2020 23:02

You don't have to stick with 1 male and 2 females.

Surely your BIL had a role anyway before being a godparent as he was an uncle, and as you say you hope your brother's legal guardian role never has to be used.

PurpleDaisies · 04/01/2020 23:03

Just have a few more people as god parents.

Supersimkin2 · 04/01/2020 23:06

4 godparents is fine.

Lazydaisydaydream · 04/01/2020 23:09

I think it's a bit odd to use familty members as godparents to be honest, and don't know a single person who has ever done this?

But definitely don't choose people who you don't already have a long relationship with - you presumably want to know they will be a permanent figure in your child's life.

PurpleDaisies · 04/01/2020 23:09

I think it's a bit odd to use familty members as godparents to be honest, and don't know a single person who has ever done this?

It’s very common in the Catholic Church.

slashlover · 04/01/2020 23:10

Last time you got to pick two to his one so this time he gets to pick two and you pick one. If you want your brother then he can have his friend and his friends wife. If you want the woman you've agreed on then that's the two sets and seems fair.

crustycrab · 04/01/2020 23:15

Really? My family always have had their siblings as godparents to their children. Your brother absolutely trumps some random new friends wife you hardly know, how can she promise to teach, guide and look after your child?!

ParkheadParadise · 04/01/2020 23:19

I think it's a bit odd to use familty members as godparents to be honest, and don't know a single person who has ever done this?

I am a godparent to 6 of my niece's and nephews. My siblings are also God parents to niece's and nephews. Very normal here to have family members

Useful22 · 04/01/2020 23:22

Def have your brother, would be harsh not to. I'd be offended if I wasn't for my family

CalmdownJanet · 04/01/2020 23:22

I know very few people that have godparents outside the family. It's funny how all families are different.

I agree your brother should be asked, if he is good enough to raise your kids if you die then I think a little public recognition of how you feel about him would be nice, I appreciate the two aren't necessarily connected but still I think he should be asked. Have one godfather and let him choose godmother or two godfathers

Spied · 04/01/2020 23:22

I class myself C of E.
I know family/friends who have chosen 'distant' relatives as Godparents ie, 2nd cousins or suchlike but I don't 'get' using people who already have a role of Aunt/Uncle etc in the child's life.
Really don't get those who have their child's own brother or sister as their Godparent.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/01/2020 23:25

None of DS's godparents are relatives. Both DH and I have brothers, they are DS's uncles they don't need another role.

What happens if you as parents have many siblings between you but end up having only 1 child, how do you choose which siblings become godparents?

TooleyVanDooley · 04/01/2020 23:31

This is a total non problem. Just have your brother, DH’s friend and the female you both agree on. Then everyone is happy. There is no reason you can’t have two male and one female. Why make a pointless drama out of it?

DogInATent · 04/01/2020 23:34

I think it's a bit odd to use familty members as godparents to be honest, and don't know a single person who has ever done this?

I find it odd that people choose three or four. I have one GP, who's also my aunt.

Doidoit19 · 04/01/2020 23:36

Have more than three if it's an issue. My sister and BIL (her hushand) are both of our children's godparents. They will also be legal guardians should anything happen to us. My sister in law and her husband are Godparents to our eldest and our friends are Godparents to our youngest. So they each have two couples as godparents but only one set the same. And I do have another sister but she wouldnt want the responsibility nor would she be interested in raising our children if anything happened to us so she wasnt an option for us and she agreed completely.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/01/2020 23:40

If anything should happen to you SS don't look at godparents to be the ones who take on the DC. Even guardians named in wills aren't automatically chosen, but will be looked at for guidance but if it is decided that they wouldn't be in the best interest for the DC then they will look for someone who would be the best to take on the DC

poppycity · 05/01/2020 05:03

Go with more than 3. And definitely should be family & close friends, or people you think would go the extra mile for your child, not just the spouse of a close friend. I have deeply regretted godparent choices for my dc.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/01/2020 05:46

Isn't the point of godparents to be the ones who will guide and protect your children if anything were to happen? So should your children not both have the same godparents?

It seems strange to me to pick godparents based on what's 'fair'

Sofast · 05/01/2020 06:59

We didn't chose family member as we consider them to already be an important part of our daughters lives. We chose friends who we consider to have good morals and we really wanted to feature in their lives

user1493413286 · 05/01/2020 07:10

Have both men and as much as I agree with you about the friends wife I think it’s fair that it’s his pick.

jeanne16 · 05/01/2020 07:39

It is far better to choose relatives as godparents than friends. You have no real idea which friendships will genuinely last over the next 20 years. Some friendships do fall by the wayside and then you will regret your choice.

FriedasCarLoad · 05/01/2020 07:46

Isn't the point of godparents to be the ones who will guide and protect your children if anything were to happen? So should your children not both have the same godparents?

It's just as much about praying for the child and guiding them whilst parents are alive. Pretty normal to have different godparents. Especially now that it's unrelated to who are the legal guardians named in the parents' wills.

BubblesBuddy · 05/01/2020 07:48

God parents should be chosen regarding how they will guide the child religiously. Therefore it doesn’t matter who they are as long as they fulfill that role. If you don’t care about the religious role, again, choose anyone and as many as you like. As long as they agree to stand up in church and say they will guide the DC over all matters religious. My sisters refused to do this so we used close friends. In one case that was a huge mistake too. She’s taken no interest in DC at all apart from the first few months.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/01/2020 07:50

@FriedasCarLoad ah ok makes sense. In that case, then, surely DHs new friends are unsuitable candidates anyway?