Godparents

[JimmyJam2019]

Choosing godparents for our second daughter and my husband is being an arse or AIBU?
First daughter had my two bestmates (who were also my bridesmaids) and my BIL.
For second daughter, I want the godfather to be my brother (my husband and I have one sibling each) to be even and fair. Hubby says as my brother and SIL are legal guardians in our wills, they already have a role in the girls' life and he wants to choose a friend he's known since we moved to this area a handful of years ago. Hopefully my brother will never have to take on the legal guardian role, so this shouldn't really be a consideration.
As for females we have one we both agree on but for the second my husband wants his friend's wife (who I maybe see 2/3 times a year when we have dinner together) yet we have many dear close friends we could choose from albeit many do not live close by.
I have to add that this couple are non-religious and although our vicar is quite liberal, he may say no anyway, so a non-issue.
But in the meantime, thoughts?

All of my godparents are relatives. It can be a nice way to start fostering a close family bond. Nothing wrong with choosing a friend close to you, too. Although my mum only picked one of my GPs, which is a different story...

I'd have your brother, the friend you've agreed on and pick again for the 3rd one since you can't seem to agree.

I think it's a bit odd to use familty members as godparents to be honest, and don't know a single person who has ever done this?

This is a very normal practice.

TBH OP this is all academic unless you are sure that the people you are considering are baptised. If not they can’t be godparents on the baptism certificate (although they can be ‘supporters’).

Having sibling as godparents is not weird it is pretty common.
My partner and I are god parents to our friend's son. They now also have a daughter and although we are not godparents to her this makes no difference to our relationship.
My own godparents are some of my aunts and uncles.
Don't feel you have to stick to three.
Are you or those chosen religious or is it a rite of passage thing for you?

I'm not baptised but was godparent to my cousin, does it depend on which church you are christened in?

I dont see the point in godparents who aren't religious so I would probably take that angle when discussing it with your DH.

If you cant agree, just have 4 godparents, it doesnt really matter if he has "too many".

We have 3 for DS and 4 for DD

You're lucky to have so many baptised friends!

I am one of 5 godparents to my god daughter.

I personally would choose someone who is going to encourage them to live a good life Christian or otherwise.

I think it's a bit odd to use familty members as godparents to be honest, and don't know a single person who has ever done this?

My god parents are an aunt from my mum's side and an uncle from the other.

My god children are a niece and a cousin. The same niece also has mother's brother as a godfather. The younger ones have their mother's sisters as godmothers.

My parents are the godparents to two of my cousins and one of my mother's cousins children. My cousin's eldest has her uncle for a godfather.

My brother is godfather to my cousin's child.

I'm not baptised but was godparent to my cousin, does it depend on which church you are christened in?

The Church of England generally recognises baptism in any denomination of Christianity, but local arrangements may vary depending on the parish priest. Most will allow non-baptised adults to stand as 'supporters' but will not put their names on the baptism certificate.

The Catholic Church is much more strict and godparents must themselves be baptised (and usually confirmed) Catholics. Christians from other denominations can be 'official witnesses' to a Catholic baptism.

@DogInATent our vicar told us our children must have at least 3. CofE

I'm my experience god parents are a very tangential figure. My two (I think more than two is excessive but obviously I'm in the minority) didn't do anything for me that I can recall other than my godmother making a few dolls dresses. My godfather forgot he ever was mine. And in my wonder circle of friends (not many religious enough to have christened their kids) I can't think of one god parent who has done any if the 'spiritual gudance' or anything that is their role.
So basically have your husband pick whomever and if you want pick who you want too.

There seems to be confusion on here. May be worth googling canon b23. That will give you the "rules" for the CofE. In short though:
3 godparents, 2 in exceptional circumstances. Parents can be godparents. They must be baptised (and ideally confirmed)

I think your DH is being unreasonable to say it can't be your brother when his brother to your eldest. But you are being unreasonable to say his friend isn't close enough - it doesn't need to be friends from years back and they don't always make the best godparents.

So I think female friend you both agree on, DH's friend and your brother would be a good compromise. It's fine to have two men and one woman for a female child btw.

Both my DB and I have godparents we now don’t know / see as they were parents friends that are no longer in touch. Same for my DH. So in our views a bit pointless even having them.

For that reason we chose family for godparents to our children

GiveHerHellFromUs The point of godparents is to guide children into the Christian faith.

I don’t think I’ve ever met my godparents. I mean I must’ve as a small child, but my parents chose some random friends who they were close with and the time and by the time I had an awareness of godparents they had drifted. Actually I think one might be my uncle but he’s monumentally useless anyway. There’s another guy who I wouldn’t know if I passed him in the street and I don’t actually know who’s godmother would have been. Possibly an ex wife of another uncle. At a guess. So I think family members make good godparents in general. Not ransoms

Weirdly my parents decided that my DF should be my godfather. Not sure why or how that would have worked - I guess the church agreed that if something happened to him, he'd have to do a Holy Ghost and continue my spiritual education from the ether? Bizarre.

My other two were family friends and I've never heard from them, think they moved away while I was very young and didn't stay in touch. Honestly, don't overthink it, it's a nice gesture but not much weight is given to it past the day of christening...