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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so very painfully tired?

28 replies

Gingerninja01 · 04/01/2020 20:47

Expecting baby 2, have 2.5yr old DD who didn't sleep through the night AT ALL until she was over 2, by which time I was pregnant again. I have had relentless pregnancy insomnia in both pregnancies so in total I havent had a full nights sleep in over 3.5yrs
I am so bloody tired. I just want to drop to my knees!!!!!
OH works constantly and nobody is free to help out.
Am I currently being a bit of a dick for feeling sorry for myself or would others also be at the end of their tether with exhaustion?

OP posts:

24hourshomeedderandcarer · 04/01/2020 21:30

i haven't slept in 15 years

15 and 9 y old have many different complex disabilities each and neither sleep so need 24 hour supervision,at night they have a adult each with then
and i mean dont sleep not go to bed late or get up early i mean literally dont sleep for days.they crash every 3-4 days for a few hours
we get zero help from anyone and kids are home educated so we get no break at all

not being funny but for you this will pass for us(any many disabled families) this has been and will continue to be our life

TigerOnATrain · 04/01/2020 21:44

Of course YANBU, but there will always be people who will say 'count your blessings' and that you don't know the half of it, and that their life is so much more stressful...

Personally I can't be doing with this top trumps/Four Yorkshire-men malarkey, and people being made to feel that their stress and problems are not worthy of mentioning or complaining about.

Hope it gets better for you soon.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 04/01/2020 21:48

@24hourshomeedderandcarer that’s really sad that you have to cope and live in really difficult circumstances but there’s no need to dismiss the OP with ‘well my life is worse than yours’.

OP - I suffer with insomnia triggered by GAD and my GP has been an amazing help. Do speak to yours to get some support and suggestions.

SummerPavillion · 04/01/2020 21:49

YANBU, I was the same at your stage and it was incredibly hard. I needed the pushchair or I would've fallen over, seriously.

They are amazing sleepers now, please believe this will pass

DressesWithPockets · 04/01/2020 21:49

YANBU. Exhaustion has brought me to my knees on several occasions while the kids are sleeping badly. They are now 5 and 2 and the worst is over, but I could never put myself through it again. And pregnancy insomnia is just miserable. You have my sympathies. All you can do is take each day at a time, and know that it will pass.

windycuntryside · 04/01/2020 21:50

I agree with tiger
If you feel tired, it is no less of a reality than anyone else.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2020 21:50

YANBU.

@24hourshomeedderandcarer I'm sorry for what you're going through but there will be someone worse off that you and doing it for longer than you - does that mean you can't moan? Of course not.

I can't be done with the top trumps either. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself and I hope it gets better soon.

windycuntryside · 04/01/2020 21:51

Sleep when you can, all you do really. Everything had wait when child sleeps. Rest at very least,

CloudyVanilla · 04/01/2020 21:54

Awh poor you, sleep deprivation is the worst :(

I hope the pregnancy insomnia passes soon for you and I hope your next baby is a better sleeper, it really does seem to be luck of the draw

CloudyVanilla · 04/01/2020 21:57

Forgot to say I'm also pregnant and for my 4 and 2 year old, I have a safe secure living room with plenty of toys, I can often pop them something on the TV and have a doze without worrying. The optimal sleep time for me is around 25 minutes and I can't tell you the difference it makes during the day. Also stay very very hydrated, it so helps.

I've just been admitted to hospital due to baby lying funny and I have to admit, ss much as I miss being able to nap whenever is a luxury I couldn't imagine Pregnancy is exhausting, be kind to yourself

CloudyVanilla · 04/01/2020 21:58

As much as I miss my little ones*

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/01/2020 22:02

Bless you OP -that sounds hard and of course you are not being unreasonable. Be kind to yourself - where you can, have days at home, let your dd play with her toys and watch more TV than normal-she will be fine.

Does she go to preschool/nursery at all? If she does, try to just rest while she is there, lower your standards for housework etc.

Chochito · 04/01/2020 22:03

OP, YANBU. Can you get some childcare for your DD during the daytime and take a nap, even just once a week? Or if she naps, nap when she does (if pregnancy insomnia allows, otherwise just lying down with eyes closed to get a bit of a rest and recharge).

TSSDNCOP · 04/01/2020 22:05

24hours your exhaustion and frustration are palpable and I simply cannot imagine the reality of your day to day. I hope you find solace.

OP, I hope baby 2 is a sleeper. If I were your friend I would come and help for a night. Is there no one you can ask?

Cornettoninja · 04/01/2020 22:11

Sleep deprivation, short or long term, is awful. It’s not a competition.

OP you are perfectly entitled to moan and feel sorry for yourself so if it helps let rip. Try and grab any rest you can - if your toddler can be distracted for any amount of time in a safe space just shut your eyes for however long you can grab. Don’t be frightened of not waking for them - it clearly hasn’t happened yet in 2.5yrs.

My dd is 4 now and her sleep in the last six months has become better than I could have possibly hoped for. I’m still pretty knackered and haven’t achieved a mythical lie in yet (curses ‘D’P ) but I’m no longer the walking dead. I do think it fucks up your sleep you adapt though - I went for a quick lie down the other day for 20mins and swear I went through a complete REM cycle in that time- I remember the dream!

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2020 22:11

OP of course YANBU

My kid isn't a bad sleeper but we're going through the two year regression and coming up to three weeks of it, I was feeling very sorry for myself on Friday after a bad night and this is just a phase, I know.

24hours that sounds terrible and I'm really sorry, I can only imagine. Like others have said though, the OP is entitled to feel tired too!

Not wanting to derail this thread but can you get any respite care??

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 04/01/2020 22:14

@24hourshomeedderandcarer it's not a competition, love. Sorry that your life isn't great though.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 04/01/2020 22:16

absolutely not. lack of sleep is AWFUL. my children were non sleepers, still not great but they do sleep now. it wears you down and makes it so hard to function.

Original poster

Gingerninja01 · 05/01/2020 04:37

Thanks for your replies, DD isnt in nursery yet and as mentioned OH works crazy hours, all my friends are either working or have very young children too so I don't feel I can impose on them by asking for them to look after DD occasionally. We have looked at a couple of nurseries and are planning on enrolling DD for a couple of mornings a week once baby arrives.
Sorry for the moan, I just sometimes don't know how long I can do this for! Tonight is a typical example - DD didnt go to slerp until 8.30pm (!!!! - we had been at soft play, out for lunch, how is she not tired!!!!) and I crawled into bed myself at 9.30pm. A few loo visits later and I'm asleep but by 11.30pm DD wakes me shouting in her sleep and thats it, I'm up and down all night and have currently been awake since 2am. She will be awake by 5.45am and it all starts again. I just want to enjoy my DD instead of every day being a battle to get through, and of trying not to either cry with tiredness or losing my shit because I'm too tired to have any patience. I worry so much how on earth i will cope with a newborn as well.

OP posts:

2020yeah · 05/01/2020 04:51

You have my utmost sympathy. My DS has just gone back to sleep after being awake and kicking and screaming for 2 hours (maybe an ear infection?) My two are 5 and 2.10, there was a very brief period when they both slept - maybe a week - then it stopped again. DD will probably be up in an hour. I'd kill for 2 nights away.

Piccalino3 · 05/01/2020 05:11

Aww, OP I do get it. I have a 5 and 3 year old who were terrible sleepers until they were about 2 and I was pregnant again both times by then. My third pregnancy nearly brought me to my knees with tiredness and I've missed so much of life in a tired daze. The good news is that my 3rd child is a much better sleeper, despite having done nothing differently. I'm still tired as still up several times a night but having a newborn was much less tiring than being pregnant. I'm just tired now rather than being a shadow of a person.

One thing that saved me was getting the little one in bed with me in the day and giving her the iPad to watch some kids YouTube while I had a nap. I'd have my arms around her so I knew she was safe (I know the ipad wasn't ideal but needs must). She actually used to ask if we could go and have a cuddle and watch the ipad. I actually miss that now.

As the saying goes, 'this too shall pass', it really will but in the meantime do whatever you can to make life bearable.

orangejuicer · 05/01/2020 05:18

Can your DH take some annual leave occasionally so you can have a break/nap?

Seahorseshoe · 05/01/2020 05:21

When I was pregnant with my second, I couldn't quench my exhaustion. I have to say, after he was born, even though I was sleep deprived and tired from having a newborn, my energy levels were great. I was just so tired whilst pregnant, but it was a different type of tired to a lack of sleep. I hope that makes sense.

Hustssleeping · 05/01/2020 05:22

Why isn't your Dh doing your DDs night wakes? As an absolute minimum at the weekend. He might work crazy hours but so do you with your DD! Can he take her out at the weekend so you can have a sleep/attempt at a sleep?
Second getting DD into nursery before the baby arrives. For you but also so it's not something else new for her to deal with. If she feels settled at nursery she'll have a constant there.

How many weeks are you? If its early days its worth getting to the GP - sometimes low iron levels can make pregnancy exhaustion even worse. Supplements can help.

Good luck x its miserable- and you feel so much like you shouldn't complain but you honestly should. Talk to your midwife and don't downplay it.

Kraai · 05/01/2020 05:30

OP sleep deprivation is a well used torture technique. It's used to break people drown. YANBU.

My youngest woke 5-8 times a night for 3.5 years. You have my full sympathies.

A suggestion about the nursery though because this happened with us and everybody else I know who did it too! The idea of a couple of mornings is a good one..now. However, in reality, what this means is that you get DD and baby ready, you drop off DD, you nip to the supermarket or do whatever you need to get done when you only have baby with you, then you get home and have not quite enough time to do much before it's time to get DD again around noon. One full day is MUCH better than two half days. The adjustment isn't harder for the child usually than two half days either. The difficult bit (at the very beginning) is the drop off. If you have DD in nursery a whole day, you actually have a chance of napping with the baby on one day/relaxing a bit. There's little time for that if she's only in for half a day, because it's not actually half a day!

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