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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left husband, what do I do now?

49 replies

outofservice · 04/01/2020 19:51

I finished relationship last summer. H refused to leave jointly owned\ mortgaged house and I was forced out back to my home town. We have 2 young children and they are with me Sunday teatime until Friday. H has them every weekend.
In the last 6 months I have sent letters to say that I don't want anything from the house and that I am happy for him to take me off the mortgage. He has been vile over Christmas, hasn't paid his pitiful maintenance contribution for the past 3 weeks and is now telling me that I am still on the mortgage and owe his 6 months of my share.
Does anyone know how I can get off the mortgage without it costing me too much money.
He is a bully and refuses to communicate without being cruel and never answers questions anyway so is impossible to sort things out with him.
When I left, he said he would divorce me in a couple of years because it's cheaper. He has the marriage certificate and mortgage documents.
I am desperate to have my kids for at least one weekend a month for some quality time with them but he is adamant he has them every weekend. Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
AllergicToAMop · 04/01/2020 19:54

You need a solicitor. Have a look at your local unies. They often run free Law Clinics.

Legomanships · 04/01/2020 19:59

You can get a copy of the marriage certificate and also a copy of the mortgage docs (though you really just need an account number). Go see a solicitor who offers a free consultation, they will give you an idea of what you’re looking at cost wise to get the ball rolling. It may not be as simple as just taking your name off, as it will need to be a refinance based on the single income, but you will still be liable for the loan as far as the bank is concerned...as you have your own costs a solicitor can help you sort out what is fair.

Good luck!

Original poster
outofservice · 04/01/2020 20:00

I'm in the back end of nowhere with a local solicitor that doesn't do a free half hour!

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 04/01/2020 20:01

Yes... you really need legal advice.
Make sure you have proof of when you left with your children and of when you moved into your property now.

Quartz2208 · 04/01/2020 20:02

Yes you need legal advice. You need money from the house and a better schedule

AllergicToAMop · 04/01/2020 20:03

Tbh I am pretty sure you will need more than half an hour. Have you checked legal aid? Was there any DV involved?

NicEv · 04/01/2020 20:05

Travel to a town that has a solicitor then - most places have several !

ohwheniknow · 04/01/2020 20:06

Rights of Women

Women's Aid?

Original poster
outofservice · 04/01/2020 20:09

No DV so no legal aid. I have already spent £1600 on solicitors and still in this mess.
I am not interested in half of anything, I like knowing where the children are each weekend but I desperately want to see more of them. After school they are busy with swimming classes and dance etc so I feel like I just sit and watch them.

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Icanflyhigh · 04/01/2020 20:14

When I split with H, first thing solicitor did was sort contact to be alternate weekends sonu have my fair share of quality time with DCs, otherwise as you say, it's all school run, homework and after school clubs and no actual free time to do any nice stuff.
Meanwhile, Disney dad over there gets happy smiley kids ALL the time as he is doing fun stuff.

You really do need a solicitor who will advise you on this x

Original poster
outofservice · 04/01/2020 20:20

Just been googling solicitors. It's so frustrating having to pay for everything whilst he's playing superdad and has literally got every possession from the last 9 years Angry
On a plus, although I spent Christmas and new year by myself, it's the first year I didn't feel lonely in a really long time.

OP posts:
VBT2 · 04/01/2020 21:07

You need a solicitor. Unfortunately, it will just need paying for. Divorce is always costly. You can’t just opt out of the marriage and he can’t just decide to divorce you when it suits, either. A solicitor will go about things properly and fight for your rightful share in contact, equity, assets, etc. In the meantime, the mortgage needs paying, so you also need to make sure that it is being paid.

Stripyhoglets1 · 04/01/2020 21:12

Does the house have equity in it? You can tell him you will pay the half mortgage payments out if your share of the equity when house is sold.

Stripyhoglets1 · 04/01/2020 21:13

Oh and go to the CMS for maintenance to be sorted

Original poster
outofservice · 04/01/2020 21:14

He told me that he had to remortgage the house through another bank. I signed a form, had to get my ID verified at a cost to me and am now paying double in rent what our mortgage was. How can I still pay for the mortgage. Frankly, if the bank took the house and I was bankrupt, I would at least be free from him controlling everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
outofservice · 04/01/2020 21:18

CMS contacted him yesterday. I feel rubbish about selling the house. I wouldn't know where my kids are. There is about £30k equity in the house. By the time all the costs are paid, there really wouldn't be anything much left and my kids would be uprooted again Sad

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Retroflex · 05/01/2020 01:57

You don't need to pay anything towards the mortgage as you have "documented" you're moving out of the marital home by renting somewhere for you and your children. A lawyer will tell you that, and how to proceed with your divorce. Unless you have a court order saying that he must have access to the children every weekend, then you can tell him it doesn't suit as you have plans, but offer alternative hours instead, he will probably refuse as it doesn't suit him, but at least you offered so he still had his time.

Thatagain · 05/01/2020 03:14

Stay on the mortgage. You will not have to pay as you are not living there. It your dcs future inheritance tell him that you are not obliged to pay and you want to stay on the mortgage for the dcs sake. Or as it's a joint mortgage you could persuade him to move then it would be cheaper for him to rent then it is for you. He will not be able to remove you from the mortgage easy anyway.

user1473878824 · 05/01/2020 03:20

Forgive me if I’m being really innocent here but surely you can’t just say in writing or not “take me off the mortgage”? It’s a legal document you’ve signed and a debt you owe. If this is a thing surely husbands would do it all the time when they leave and not owe anything.

crustycrab · 05/01/2020 03:28

No you can't. That letter is totally pointless. You need a solicitor and a proper agreed arrangement for contact so that you get weekends too.

What has the £1600 on solicitors been for?

gumpforestgump · 05/01/2020 03:29

Why does he have to have them every weekend? Can’t you refuse and say not this weekend, they want to stay with me, and take them out on Friday when he’s supposed to collect so there is no shoe down?

gumpforestgump · 05/01/2020 03:29

*show

keo8260 · 05/01/2020 05:04

have a look into mediation for access arrangements with your children as some areas offer a service where they have solicitors to draw up legal agreements for free.

Original poster
outofservice · 05/01/2020 10:37

Thanks for your replies. When we separated DH got a court order preventing me from taking the kids out of his town. I had to go to court and that's where the money went. The judge was furious it had got to court and threw the case out and I left town. Before the hearing our solicitors acted as mediators and he demanded every weekend/ Christmas /holidays etc. I agreed to everything just to get away.
He is trying to get me to stop the CMS today and go back to him paying £40 a week. It costs me £23.60 in train fares each week just to get the kids to him.
I have sent a message to a solicitor and hopefully will get an appointment in the next week.

OP posts:
Original poster
outofservice · 05/01/2020 10:40

Thanks retroflex and thatagain will ask solicitor about staying on the mortgage.

OP posts: