To give up my full time job?

[Giraffe2020]

We have 3 primary school age DC. DH works long hours and often stays away. I also work full time. My job is draining and I don't particularly enjoy it but with a good company, average salary, great benefits and flexible working ethos however I do not have the option of working part time in this role.

DH is hands on when he is home but most of the time the children/house/life stuff is down to me which is hard when working full time too. I'll often have to log on when the DC Go to bed which means I'm working at 11pm just to try to fit everything in.

I find it incredibly hard and feel like I am just treading water, just about coping and sometimes not coping at all. Of course I know this is common with any family with young children. It's often a difficult juggling act and I know things will get easier as the children get older.

DH has recently set up on his own. The money is better but ultimately will mean longer hours and staying away even more often.

My AIBU is whether I should give up my secure job to join our Ltd company as an employee (I'm already a shareholder). The salary I would earn via the Ltd company would be very small but overall household income will be much higher and will easily cover my current salary. I'd also be working significantly less hours so managing home life would be so much easier.

Am I mad to consider it?

Thank you.

Clearer at least and anything else you can outsource??

I would outsource as much as possible. Of course most people who respond to this will tell you their good experiences but as you have acknowledged the business could fail, you could split up and get very little and depending on your career it could be difficult for you to go back to work if you need to in the future.

I wouldn’t risk it if I were you especially because I would hate to lose my financial independence.

Thank you. Yes I agree - cleaner is the first step. Sometimes it's difficult to see the wood for the trees isn't it. Seems like such a logical thing to sort straight away now!

strawberrieshortcake I will outsource what I can ASAP and then take a little time to see how that helps. This gives the advantage of the business running for a while too.

We can't continue to function as we are now that's for sure.

I could get a job in a year or two if I needed to. Would be harder to get back into longer term though that's true.

How old are your children? Are you having to help them with homework etc?

It's great you are in a position where you can throw some money at the problem. I would have someone do all the ironing and all of the cleaning, too. Have a look at Cook for some healthy meals delivered to the house.

Sorry, just seen they are primary aged children.

Do you want to give up your job or are you doing it because you feel you have to because of your DHs job? Because the latter could lead to resentment that you've had to be the one to sacrifice your career.

Yes homework, hobbies, clubs etc.

Don't get me wrong, at the moment we are far from rich but could afford a cleaner and potentially someone to help with ironing. Will it be enough? I'm not sure but I'm prepared to give it a try.

CosmoK I want to give it up, pretty desperately, but am worried for all of the reasons mentioned it this thread.

Cleaner really helps. It’s one of the best things to spend money on.

I think it’s really hard given you are doing a full time job and all the homework and clubs and there are 3 of them. I got 2 and work full time, but DH job is similar to mine with very fixed 9-5 hours. I can see why you would feel overwhelmed.

I pay a cleaner £100 a week - she comes in for two hours a day and does all the cleaning , changes the beds and does all washing and ironing. It makes a huge difference to our family. I do work in quite a demanding job three days a week - my husband works long hours in a full time senior role. Our spare time can be devoted to the kids and that is worth the money we pay the cleaner and also helps keep me sane! If you can afford it, pay for some help.

Could you think of giving up work for a year? Is there anything you'd be interested in retraining in, that you could do from home?

Also - when you feel overwhelmed it is hard to see your options clearly. Some professional coaching might help you work out your career options clearly - sabbatical / career break, part time where you are or a different business and also evaluate the risks and benefits of working in the family business. A few sessions with a good coach could really help.

I'd think I'd try getting help around the home - cleaner, gardener etc first before giving up my job.

I hardly ever post on MN but the times that I have it's because I'm broken in some way; everything from feeding babies and sleep deprivation to this, and you always help. Thank you. It really does help to listen to other people's concerns and suggestions.

I've made an appointment for a cleaning company to visit on Tuesday.

I have 3 DS, and I know what you are saying. Whilst most of my friends worked even when their children were babies, I don't know a single one who worked full-time with 3 DC. I did school length days for years and then went full-time when the youngest was about 9, and It was really hard. DH didn't work away often, but he did do irregular shifts including night shifts, 14/15 hour shifts, and all weekend as well as suffering from a few serious health issues. So I did have to do almost everything myself, the buck stopped with me. It is a huge burden, and you are finding the strain too much.

But I don't think the choice should be between becoming an employee of the company ( would that actually involve a proper role? ) or being fulltime where you are.
It is important to keep your hand in. The costs of childcare when you are part time don't just come out of your salary, its a long time thing- you not working costs more in the long term than childcare. Its lost/ reduced wages and pension in 20 years time.
Might it be worth you keep looking for a more part time role, and get help in the meantime?

If your partner has recently given up FT employment, I'd definitely give it a few months/a year to make sure the business is genuinely doing well enough to support you both before you give up paid employent.
Although you say DH can go back to employment if business fails, that's not an immediate decision; there'd probably be a quietish 'wait and see if it picks up' few months, then winding up and finding a new job.

Unless you have sufficient savings to tide you all over for a few months, stay in FTE for a bit - as a PP suggested, see if you can outsource some on the housework.

Hope the the new business goes well.

& don't buy anymore stuff that needs ironing!!

I would have a legitimate role within the company, diary management, general admin, invoicing and chasing payments. I would still be paying into a pension.

And thank you Fr0g

I would at least wait until his business is well established. Can you afford to buy some help - cleaner etc to take the pressure off the household chores ?

How long would most think it necessary to wait before a business is considered to be established out if interest?

Having spent many years dealing with the aftermath of failed husband/wife companies, I would be very reluctant to give up work in order to be reliant on the same income stream at this juncture.

You think he’d get a job easily if the business failed but that’s no guarantee, and often that simply isn’t the case. Even a three month unemployment break could be devastating to you - particularly as people never give up the company at the first sign of trouble but often plough personal funds in meaning they are left with nothing.

With these “one man band” kind of companies it isn’t a case of waiting a year to see how it goes like with other self employments - I’m betting he is a freelancer/contractor, which is usually the first resource to be dispensed with by clients at the first sign of trouble. With Brexit, trouble is brewing for December when the trade deal inevitably won’t have been struck because these things take much longer than that, plus the IR35 rules are being tightened. All it takes is a temporary blip in the market and it would have a huge effect on your family. Yes I know that could be the case if you were a SAHM and your DH lost his job, but that isn’t the situation - why would you deliberately put yourself there?

The fact that you are a shareholder is a red herring, it doesn’t give you anything except a more tax efficient way for the company’s dividends to be distributed to your household. A business that is reliant on one person’s expertise/labour has no tangible value at any time as the labour can be withdrawn by them at any point, immediately ending the company’s trade.

If outsourcing the cleaning etc doesn’t work, I think would be better off finding yourself a part time job, both to maintain some financial independence, maintain your work history and to give your family a buffer against future disaster.