Should I do what he says?

[Iwishmoneygrewontrees]

NC for this.

So pretty much the only thing me and my partner fight about is money, he has a decent wage for our current circumstances which leaves us with just under £2k per month from him. I’m on maternity atm so my earnings are pretty low, after all bills and other deductions were both left with around £300 each to spend on food etc. He has a lot of old debt he’s paying off.
Dd is due to start nursery soon or some form of childcare, which is obviously ridiculously expensive.
Trouble is, I absolutely hate my job, I’ve never worked in such a volatile environment where most of the staff seem against each other, some managers are absolutely horrible and bitchy, which is a shame because it used to be a nice place to work. So because of this I definitely want to avoid going back to work there, however they only good thing is that it’s flexible and would work around my partners shifts. He thinks the only way we can afford to live is if I go back into this job, as if I started somewhere else it wouldn’t fit around his shifts more than likely and we would have to fork out more for nursery, of course there’s other ways of making money, I’m currently trying to start up a business as well as looking at earning online thanks to the mumsnet money making threads 😉 His contract ends soon so he could take quite a drop in pay if it isn’t renewed so I need to be earning enough.
But dp has pretty much just forced me to say I’ll go back to that job or it’s over between us, obviously I am definitely going back to work as we can survive on one wage but would have absolutely nothing left over afterwards, but I just want a fresh start, I want to be on a career ladder which I am currently not, I don’t want to be coming back after work in a shitty mood and crying at work, I want a chance at a better wage as mine is pretty standard. I just said to him the money problems are because of him, which I probably shouldn’t have said but thinking about it it’s true, it’s his debt, I have none, we would have so much leftover if he didn’t have this debt. I’ve tried to help him with it and he is really trying to get rid of it so I feel bad for saying it but I couldn’t help think of he didn’t have this debt we wouldn’t even be having this fight. Anyways he’s just stormed out the house and said he’s done.

AIBU to not want to go back to work there? I can see where he’s coming from in that we would have a lot more left over if I went back there, but if I can get a good enough job this would also be the case or we would at least have some left over.

You need to go back to your old job until you find a better one. Especially if your DP may be taking a pay cut soon. But there’s nothing to stop you starting to look for a better job now.

You need to do the maths; if your partner takes a pay cut & you get a job where you have to pay child care, then will you have enough money coming in to pay food & bills?

Unfortunately, though you aren't unreasonable to want to change job, you are unreasonable not to recognise that you chose to have a child at this point in time - which limits your options.

Honestly? Ita a bit shitty to say he would leave. But also I wouldn't be happy with a partner that wouldnt go back to work, when money was an issue or there was a risk of losing income. At least until they found something else.

Ita shit having a job you dont like. But, I think as an adult you need to be responsible.

If there's a risk his contract may not be renewed and you rely on his income, then I would say the sensible thing to do is to stay in your old job for now. If his contract is up for renewal soon, then it won't be too long until you both have a clearer idea of what your options are.

Are his shift patterns likely to change with his new contract (if he gets one)? Can he ask for different shifts which would fit in more with family life?

Assuming you rely mainly on your DPs income, I'd say you need to start looking for jobs now but be prepared to stay in your old one temporarily if he can't get different shifts or a new contract.

If you don't rely on his income, then I'd say do what you like! However make sure you both sit down and fully cost out your options with regards to nursery.

I'd go back back but be on the look out for a new job that hopefully ticks more boxes for you and works around DP shifts/ gives you more money to pay for more childcare.

Have you sat down and worked out exactly how much you'd need and how much you'd get if you're not working or his contract drops ?

It's much much easier to get a job once you are in a role so I'd go back and look 👀

OP you got to pull your finger out fast and find an alternative.

IMO you should go back to that job but actively look for a new one. Hopefully you will find one soon 🙏🏼

As a side note, "setting up a business" PLEASE don't say it's a MLM - forever living/younique/doterra etc ?

You are a parent now.
Go back and start looking for another job but for now suck it up.
It is SO much easier to find a job when you have a job.

You need to apply for other jobs now and get a new one. In the meantime, you need to return to your old one.

I was in the same situation and found a new, more suitable job whilst on mat leave. But if I hadn’t done that I would have had to go back to my old job.

Find a new job, if you don’t you’ll have to go back to your old job in the interim. You’d expect your DP to do the same, it isn’t just his job to provide.

You knew this about your job and his debt before you had the baby though.

I agree with others, you need to go back to work and look for another job.

Of course you need to go back to your job and start looking for a new one if so u happy. You have already stated dh contract might end. Throwing his old debt in his face is just a bit shit really since you stated he is sorting it out.

Most adults would not want to go to their work. They’d rather have a dream job. But part of being an adult, especially a parent, is going to work even though you hate it.
The money problems are no one’s fault. It’s part of juggling raising children and working to survive. It’s not easy to do both. Ask any parent.
I agree, start looking for another job, if nothing better turns up in time you have to go back to your old job. If the office is very toxic, would getting a transfer within the company to a different office or department be an option?

You presumably knew about his debt before having a child so it isnt fair to throw it in his face now. Start looking for a new job but you need to return to current one until you find something

Have you started applying for jobs? Your plans sound a little bit vague.

What are his debts? Is it possible to reduce the repayments for a bit? Consolidate his debts ? While you get back on your feet.

Storming out is really unattractive and unhelpful. I suggest he thinks of a compromise.

Thank you for all your replies everyone, I definitely will go back to that job if I had to, I would never quit and put us in a situation we couldn’t afford.
And the business is definitely not an mlm, I hate those.

@TriangleBingoBongo it’s a relief to hear that you managed it.

@WorraLiberty i did know about the debt even before I got with him, but since I got pregnant and had the baby he’s got himself in a lot more which is why I said it.

How has your dh got in debt in the last year? That would really worry me. It sounds as if he’s expecting you to support his bad financial decisions. Surely any large spending should be a joint decision.

I had to return to my job in order to keep my maternity pay. If I hadn't returned, I would have had to repay the money. I thought this was standard? Is it something you have factored in?

You don't seem too sure about what you want. You talk about setting up a business then talk about not moving up the career ladder. You won't likely be climbing a career ladder any time soon if you are setting up a business. It's obvioulsy a tense time financially so the idea of setting up your own business is worrying unless you can start making good money straight away. Go back to work and try to save towards setting up your business, while your Dh can look for a more permanent job. Now that you have a child you need to have financial security more than ever.

@swimslikeamole it isn’t standard to even get maternity pay.

He got into even more debt during your pregnancy? What is he doing to address this problem? I do think you ought to return to your current role until you have found something better but it seems like you have more issues than just not liking your job.

How can you say in your OP that he’s trying really hard to get rid of his debt, but in your second post says he’s got himself into more since you got pregnant and had the baby? how is that trying hard?

It completely would change my response. If his previous debt was know to you when you chose to have a baby, then throwing that at him was really shitty of you.

If he’s still running up more debt, then it was shitty enough!

I wouldn’t necessarily assume that your work will be the same when you go back; it might have changed a lot. I don’t believe that anyone should do a job that makes them actively unhappy but obviously you can’t move jobs until you find something else and whatever you find has to work around your partners work otherwise how else will you manage.