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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going away for weekend with friends

36 replies

RideOver · 03/01/2020 21:12

I’ve always met up with a group of friends once a year for a weekend away. In recent years as the dc are now older (10 and 12), we’ve upped it to twice a year. The only other time I spend a night away from home is maybe a couple times a year for work.

We’ve already booked a weekend away this summer. Dh was not particularly happy because he does a lot of cycling in the summer, but there wasn’t anything in the diary. However, now it turns out that there is a big event that weekend that he wants to go to.

AIBU for booking a weekend away in the summer as that’s when dh likes to go cycling?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2020 21:15

You bagsied that date first.

Unless he thinks he's more important than you for some reason.

RandomMess · 03/01/2020 21:16

Why would his hobby trump your friends and holiday?

Timmythatyou · 03/01/2020 21:17

You had the date first, so if he wants to go then he needs to arrange care for the DC, that’s not on you. are you supposed to put the whole summer are hold waiting for his cycling events?

Mrsjayy · 03/01/2020 21:20

Dont move an inch his bike isn't more important than you, your weekend was organised if he want to go he can take the children.

TenThousandSpoons · 03/01/2020 21:23

Is the weekend with kids and DH or just you with your friends? Either way YANBU. But if it’s with DH as well are they his friends too or does he maybe dread it and wants to go to his hobby thing to avoid it?

Original poster
RideOver · 03/01/2020 21:25

It’s just with female friends. Partners and kids don’t come along

OP posts:
Hahaha88 · 03/01/2020 21:27

Of course yabu. Obviously his cycling is more important. Don't you know you're only the lowly woman

katy1213 · 03/01/2020 21:30

So he owns the whole summer?

Pumpkintopf · 03/01/2020 21:31

Obviously you're not unreasonable. You booked the date first.

Ohwelljusttoday · 03/01/2020 21:32

Well there are 2 choices:

  1. If he wants to go then he needs to think about childcare as you have already made plans to be away - childcare responsibilities are on him to sort out
  2. Collectively together you decide that you are both away and both agree/organise childcare that works for you both so that you both get to go away

However, YOU do NOT give up your time away ... if 1 or 2 is not an option ...

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 03/01/2020 21:35

Please don't think of booking anything again. Ever. Just on the offchance that he might want to do something at that time, or at some stage. Can't be too careful.

Jumbojem · 03/01/2020 21:35

Surely there are other bike events he can do? If it's that big an event I'm surprised there are still places, most of the big ones are over subscribed and fill up quickly. It has he booked on and neglected to mention it?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/01/2020 21:36

Meh. You booked it first.

He wants it - he can arrange suitable childcare.

feelingsicknow · 03/01/2020 21:36

Is he always like this?!

Original poster
RideOver · 03/01/2020 21:37

Thanks for the votes. I can understand that he’s upset, but i didn’t think I was being unreasonable. Childcare is going to be really difficult as we have no family near by unfortunately

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 03/01/2020 21:37

Agree with other pps. You booked first. If he wants to go away too then he can organise the kids.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2020 21:39

Upset? Fine.

Upset with you? Not fine.

JosefKeller · 03/01/2020 21:41

weekend was free, you booked it. I imagine you are equals in your relationship? Either he finds childcare or he misses out on that one. That's life when you have kids.

"the summer" is far too vague to give him priority. Even an entire month would be pushing it, but "the summer"? no, go to your weekend.

RandomMess · 03/01/2020 21:41

In our house it's who books it on the calendar first tbh, we have no other childcare options.

DH knows to book his events in ASAP!

PurpleCrowbar · 03/01/2020 21:42

You booked first. I think it might be fair that he gets a chance to look through the calendar, book another weekend to do whatever he likes, & you agree you'll be on kid wrangling detail, but this time you bagsed first.

My xh had serious form for this. It was gigs rather than bikes, but he never quite grasped that I wasn't the Default Parent.

Apart from anything, it's ONE weekend, & in another few years you'll both be able to go out & leave the kids. Ignore all sulking!

DowntonCrabby · 03/01/2020 21:45

YADNBU

could moody cycle-god DH BE any more cliche?

BackforGood · 03/01/2020 22:00

If he always attends a big event, that is always the '3rd weekend in June' or whatever, and you picked that date when you could have picked any date, he might have a complaint, but the very idea that he can book out the whole Summer, in case he might to cycle any given weekend, is ridiculous.

Perfectly normal to have a 'first on the calendar' rule in most couples, I'd have thought.
He either misses this event this year, or finds a way of arranging childcare for your dc that weekend.

happytoday73 · 03/01/2020 22:06

If he gets all summer do you get equal amounts of time to do your things alone all winter?

You need to ensure he is an equal parent and put equal time in at weekends. Otherwise he will do more and more and you will become resentful of lack of family time and time for you

adaline · 03/01/2020 22:12

Hmm. I would have asked before booking in a weekend away tbh - not to ask permission, but just to make sure his diary was clear to watch the children before spending money on deposits and hotels.

Did you give him any chance to object or did you just tell him what was happening? Because I imagine if a man came on here and booked a weekend away without telling his partner that she'd need to be home with the children, there would be uproar!

Jaxhog · 03/01/2020 22:20

I find its always a good idea to check dates with DH before booking time away, provided it works the other way too. Especially if you have young children. It just makes sense.

If it's not cast in stone, and you can find another good weekend, I'd do that.