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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so hurt and upset by this

89 replies

Shaminon · 03/01/2020 20:48

I have had to resign from my job due to what can only be described as impossible management conditions. It felt very like being manoeuvred out of a job. It's been upetting I've got another job to move on to.

It was my penultimate day today. I wanted to make good and leave on a personally positive note as I've worked closely and well for a number of years with my colleagues. I wrote everyone in our small team an individual card to say thank for the time together and left some presents and sent a goodbye email to saying I'd left cards and I wished everyone well as I am not sure who will be there on my last day.

Our team leader wrote a response to this saying my contribution was 'unique' and that I had a 'fun and smiley persona'. It was copied to the whole team.

I really hope that the word 'persona' was a typo for 'personality' as otherwise I'm at a loss as how myself or the whole team are meant to not interpret this as that she is calling me a fake.

Aibu?

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 03/01/2020 21:31

I voted YANBU because you are just too nice of a person.

If I’d been forced out of a job by hostile management, the last thing I’d do was leave on a positive note with presents and compliments.
Id be definitely disgruntled and most probably take them to tribunal for constructive dismissal.

So I think your manager was playing the game of making it look like a nice leaving, like you weren’t pushed out by sending you a fake good bye email that is nice and sweet on the surface but carefully calculated to push your buttons. Unique is not a compliment. Persona is a character that a person acts as (so yes fake).

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/01/2020 21:32

Why have you chosen to ignore the first meaning of the word, which you have clearly written, in favour of the second meaning which is clearly a different context?

Dollymixture22 · 03/01/2020 21:35

I think your manager didn’t fully understand what the word meant.

People regularly use words they think sound impressive without fully grasping their meaning.

JosefKeller · 03/01/2020 21:36

can't see anything remotely negative

presents and cards sound a bit overkill from you, but it's nice

VenusTiger · 03/01/2020 21:38

I really don't think I could give a shite OP at what the team leader of a company I was about to leave, thought of me - she's not exactly going to suggest to the team that they should also think the same as her. If it was snarky, then she's the one who's going to look the cow in this. Let it go.

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:41

Look it's just chocolates and coffee nothing special it's what everyone does. The cards were my way of trying to leave a positive atmosphere when it's been really hard. I've felt discriminated against and there is a culture of people being bullied till they leave.

OP posts:
TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 03/01/2020 21:42

I think 'unique' was definitely a dig. The sort of thing that would be said with a head tilt and a tinkly laugh.

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:42

Yeah I don't give a shit really. It just felt really unpleasant and unnecessary. I wish she'd just not responded at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:44

Thank you for the positive comments btw Flowers this has really got me down . I've been there years, given up a permenent role and good pension and my next job is contracting and while there are advantages it is scary. I'd been feeling really positive and really was trying to end on a good note , at least with colleagues Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:45

And her email totally deflated me and completely enraged me all at once.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 03/01/2020 21:47

You are overreacting.

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:47

I am supposed to be going in for an exit interview but I just feel like saying I'm unwell, what a shame Sad

OP posts:
Sprinklemetinsel · 03/01/2020 21:47

But do you know what- you have. You have left on a positive note, done all you can to do the best thing.

Is she can't live up to that, that's her problem. You leave knowing you are the bigger person.

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:48

Thanks @Sprinklemetinsel Flowers

OP posts:
MostlyChocolate · 03/01/2020 21:49

In your initial post I'd say you have a case for constructive dismissal

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:51

I have thought about it but it seems highly unlikely - they could back everything up by citing company policy , even if to me it seemed applied in a way that kept a close circle in happy management.

OP posts:
Horehound · 03/01/2020 21:52

I think you just forget about the email.
Did any other colleagues respond?

I left a job once I had been in for 6 years. I also wrote notes and brought gifts. The colleague I was most close to and shared lots with (on both sides) nipped out at lunch time and bought a packet of he cheapest fairy cakes going.
I felt really hurt by that especially as I was so sad to go anyway.

Anyway, see this new job as a new adventure and a new opportunity to make new friends :)

goodwinter · 03/01/2020 21:54

OP you've copied/pasted the Google definition of persona, but neglected to include the synonyms underneath, some of which are "character", "personality", and "identity".

You're taking this in a way that I'm sure it wasn't intended, and I don't think your colleagues will think anything of it either. I certainly wouldn't.

DeckTheHalls2019 · 03/01/2020 21:56

On the surface it looks fine but given what you've said after that, I think it's worded carefully as a passive aggressive dig. By this time next month it will be a distant memory though, don't sweat it.

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 21:57

Ok thank you that is true- I just felt like it would easily be interpreted by others as that she was calling me a fake. I agree I'm being oversensitive and will move onwards and upwards. Thanks all Flowers

OP posts:
SpeckledyHen · 03/01/2020 22:03

Onward and upward OP . Look to the future with a spring in your step .

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 22:04

Thank you @SpeckledyHen. I will Flowers

OP posts:
rosesandcashmere · 03/01/2020 22:22

Did you also send 130 personalised New Years messages?

Original poster
Shaminon · 03/01/2020 22:40

Just 120 😉

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 03/01/2020 22:41

YANBU - I think from your posts she knew exactly what she was saying. But you have left on a positive note by your actions, not hers.