Would you find this offensive around DC?

[Orangeblossom78]

We had some relatives staying and found it quite offensive some of the language they used with the DC. AIBU or would you too?

Examples: Goddamn. As in Put down that Goddamn tablet (to DC)
Dc also used: Hell, For God'ssake and the like.

DH was brought up C of E, I less so but still found I didn't like this kind of thing. DC primary age

I think using the language aimed at the children as you've used as your examples is wrong, using the language in their presence is different. You can explain to a child that a word is an adult word and they can't use it, but if you use it directed at the child it blurs the line of it being appropriate for the child to use it iyswim?

We try very hard to moderate our language around other people's children - some of us more than others (glares over at DH). Although it's kind of entertaining when I've overheard their children when they thought the adults and in particular their parents were out of earshot, and they were merrily swearing like sailors. . .

I agree that there is a difference between using language in the presence of dc or directing it to them. I often swear in front of my ds, upper primary, but not to him.

Yes I know. I was a bit suprised how much DH didn't like it, but yes also noticed how the DC copied and joined in. And it can cause problems for them. A secondary friend was suspended for a week for swearing - although was the f word.

Swearing at children is always wrong. Swearing around children (mild, e.g. bugger, crap) not bad.

Having just heard goddamn come our of ds mouth, I agree with you, it's horrible and I'm not even religious!

I wouldn't like it - if you're not religious, why use God in a swear word, and if you are, it's definitely offensive.

if you're not religious, why use God in a swear word

'cos it's a swear word, you don't say why use fucking as a swear word if you're celibate? The use of swear words is because they are taboo, the underlying meaning is utterly irrelevant.

If the DC are their children and not yours, then I don't think you have too many complaints, if they are your children being sworn at, then that is different, but hell and goddamn are very mild, and not taboo for many groups.

I think "put down the god damn tablet" is actually fairly aggressive.

I don’t find religious terms offensive but agree that in a sentence saying ‘put the goddamn tablet down’ or similar it sounds horrible. But so would flipping, just because it’s agrresive and shows youVe lost control. Im not perfect though and I’m sure in my ten years as a parent that I have in anger said ‘put the flipping x down/put your flipping shoes on’ very occasionally (And I mean very occasionally) but that would haVe been followed up with an apology from me for the language/aggression and a sanction for the kids for failing to do what I’ve asked when I’ve asked it. So they know it’s not the done thing.

I always moderate language around other people’s kids too. I might say damn if I cut my finger Or drop a plate in front of my own kids but I would say bother in front of others. Come to think of it I try to use bother or similar always but occasionally it might slip out if I’m having a bad day.

But none of us is perfect. Were they having a Particularly bad weekend? I’ve stopped seeing people completely based only on their parenting so if it doesn’t suit you then don’t socialise with them.

Bernadette has nailed it in one sentence.

It’s just not very respectful, is it?

I am very sweaty as a person but a) not in front of people/children who don’t use that language
b) unless joking, never directly to a person
I would be annoyed too

Autocorrect! Grrrr! I am quite sweary. Also sweaty when walking dog but that is different matter

@isittooearlyforgin how do you control who you sweat in front of? Are you Prince Andrew?

This wouldn’t bother me. We say goddam and were religious

I think it is the context also. Around relatives over Christmas.

Your house; your children: you'd have been perfectly entitled to ask them not to use that language in front of your children.

My Dh is so upset by it and also the rudeness of the DC and general atmosphere that he doesn't want them in the house again

I come from a family of casual swearing, so I personally wouldn't be offended. But I would never swear at or around people who are not equally sweary.
YANBU to dislike it. Perhaps say to them that you dont like swearing around the kids. Nobody could reasonably object to that.

I agree I wouldn't be offended by the words unless directed at my child.

My just turned 2 year old has started saying 'for God's sake' which I am seriously not proud of

That's the thing, we didn't have swearing growing up. It is my sibling. He never did it or learnt it growing up. I don't think it is very nice for the children. Also says things like "Silly little boy" to the DC. I always thought it was better to talk about the behaviour not shame the child.

Meh - we swear like sailors around our child. DC language also rather fruity however absolute zero tolerance on racist, homophobic or otherwise offensive language around our DC - totally can’t get pissed off about a fuck or a knobhead though 😉

Around them or at them though, Fuckingdogs?

The distinction between swearing in someone's presence and swearing at someone is an important one.

I'm pretty relaxed about swearing in general, don't really consider it offensive at all unless its directed aggressively at someone or massively inappropriate for the setting, although I don't like people using strong swear words around children. Hell, For God's Sake are barely swear words to me tbh, I couldn't care less about these.

Put down the God-damn tablet is unpleasant though: not so much for the swearing, its the aggression!