Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a baby shower this late?

41 replies

lostandconfused2 · 03/01/2020 14:20

My mum will be throwing me a baby shower, but by the time it'll be thrown I'll be around 34/35 weeks pregnant. I'm currently 24 + 3 and I mentioned how I wanted a baby shower earlier around 29-32 weeks because I'm high-risk and didn't want to do something like that so late, so suggested I throw the shower myself (I know it's not really 'ettiquette' but I was looking forward to having one and wouldn't mind just making it a party!) but she has said she is throwing it and in her words 'You will get it when you get it', aka that I will get it when she decides (which means 34/35 weeks).

So has anyone got experience of having it this late? Do you wish you'd had it earlier or thrown it yourself?

If I suggest not having one or getting someone else to to throw it earlier or simply me and my partner doing it she will probably ignore me for weeks so I don't want to rock the boat.

Hope I don't sound selfish.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/01/2020 14:22

If you really want one then just do it yourself.

If she sulks, she sulks.

WhatALearningCurve · 03/01/2020 14:24

I had my baby shower on the Sunday, waters broke on the Tuesday and I have my baby on the Wednesday (he was a week early).

My friends tried to make it earlier but schedules wouldn't match up and in fact the only reason they tried to make it earlier was because I'd be so adamant throughout my pregnancy that I'd go into labour before my due date - I must have been that persuasive about it I gave them all the fear ha.

To be honest, I didn't have any thoughts about having it early or late - and in fact having it late gave me something to be excited about other than the back pain, the hip pain and the exhaustion!

WhatALearningCurve · 03/01/2020 14:25

Oh god - I should have previewed that post before I pressed send. Excuse the bad writing!

simplekindoflife · 03/01/2020 14:26

I was about 37 weeks! My friends were a bit disorganised and it was hard to get a date everyone could do. It was fine!

Original poster
lostandconfused2 · 03/01/2020 14:26

Wow @WhatALearningCurve! I'd really like the shower but I am so bloody anxious and scared I'm going to have him premature, even my mum said to me she doesn't think I'll last full term, and I'm just conscious of being really uncomfortable and paranoid. I'm happy to get one but I don't want to cause any arguments or anything so just looking for people like yourself who had them late so I can stop worrying so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostandconfused2 · 03/01/2020 14:27

@simplekindoflife Were you uncomfortable or anxious about preterm or anything like that? Or did the day just go smoothly for you? Thanks for replying :)

OP posts:
2020BetterBeBetter · 03/01/2020 14:30

I had mine after my baby was born. It was fine.

Original poster
lostandconfused2 · 03/01/2020 14:32

Thanks everyone. I'm probably just being over anxious.

OP posts:
20viona · 03/01/2020 14:33

I had mine at 36 weeks and gave birth at 37 weeks. It was never an issue and I was high risk too?! I'd just say enjoy it.

Yarboosucks · 03/01/2020 14:37

I think you are getting worked up about nothing. Causing yourself stress and anxiety about this will be come a prophesy. So chill.

A baby shower really is not important. It is just an imported concept that is bound to be a disappointment unless you hangout with Beyoncé and her mates or Meghan.

Yarboosucks · 03/01/2020 14:39

seemed to have deleted self-fulfilling

SeaToSki · 03/01/2020 14:41

I think you have bigger fish to fry if your Mum will throw a sulk at your very reasonable request. How are you going to manage her if she threatens to sulk if you dont parent as she thinks you should?

Original poster
lostandconfused2 · 03/01/2020 14:44

Not meaning to be self-fulfilling. I'm very overly anxious about this whole thing as I have health-related PTSD and I'm just wanting everything to go smoothly and so I'm getting worked up about small things. Now I've written it out and read it back and read some of the comments I realise it's not a big deal, before this I was going over and over it in my head panicking.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/01/2020 14:46

Why do you even want one if it makes you so anxious?

They're not compulsory!

Original poster
lostandconfused2 · 03/01/2020 14:47

@WorraLiberty I don't really get out much and my friends are all hours away and so are my family members so it's an opportunity for them to all come down and celebrate with me, that's the main thing

OP posts:
MRex · 03/01/2020 14:47

YANBU. My friends decided to organise a shower for me really late, so the only dates they were all free was when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I'd already primed DH to say no because it had got so late, but they were so surprised they called me to check. Obviously everything I actually needed for the baby had to be ready before then and I really didn't want to go out in the snow while ready to pop or give birth during a shower, so none of it sounded like a treat compared to being snuggly and warm at home. They were a bit offended but had to just accept "thanks but no thanks". I'd tell your DM that she can just cancel it, then hold your own if you really want one (or save the money and effort, just buy yourself the nice bits for the baby).

2020BetterBeBetter · 03/01/2020 14:48

But birth showers, unless you are grabby, aren’t about getting people to buy what you need for the baby. It’s just a nice catch up with friends and any gifts can always be clothing related for an older age. 🤷🏻‍♀️

PrayingandHoping · 03/01/2020 14:49

I think I was 33/34 weeks and it was completely fine.

GrumpyHoonMain · 03/01/2020 14:58

I was high risk and had my baby shower at 34 weeks because it worked for my friends. If you have the baby then you have the baby - but it’s a bit shit to force your friends (who will be buying you gifts) to work on your schedule. Better not to have one at all

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2020 15:02

I don't really get out much and my friends are all hours away and so are my family members so it's an opportunity for them to all come down and celebrate with me, that's the main thing

If that's the case, wouldn't they rather wait til the baby's born if they're going to have to travel for hours?

Otherwise they'll have to do it twice.

ShopoholicIn · 03/01/2020 15:17

Hi OP,
I had my baby shower at 37 weeks had my waters before next day morning n baby born in two days. I wish i had it earlier as i didn't even open the presents as we had no time n eventually when we did get around to opening the pressies baby was 2 months old n some of the clotges didn't fit anymore....I do suggest u have it early so u can enjoy more then delaying it

Mummyme87 · 03/01/2020 15:28

All showers I have been to were at 35-38weeks

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2020 15:32

I had my baby shower at 37 weeks had my waters before next day morning n baby born in two days. I wish i had it earlier as i didn't even open the presents as we had no time n eventually when we did get around to opening the pressies baby was 2 months old n some of the clotges didn't fit anymore

Why didn't you bother opening the presents for 2 months?? Confused

If there was ever a reason not to bother with baby showers and go back to just visiting the baby when it's born, that'd be it.

Or didn't you open the presents people bought after the birth either?

2020BetterBeBetter · 03/01/2020 15:34

when we did get around to opening the pressies baby was 2 months old

That’s just really rude and ungrateful of you.

GrumpyHoonMain · 03/01/2020 15:36

I had my baby shower at 37 weeks had my waters before next day morning n baby born in two days. I wish i had it earlier as i didn't even open the presents as we had no time n eventually when we did get around to opening the pressies baby was 2 months old n some of the clotges didn't fit anymore

What a selfish thing to do. 37 weeks is a full term baby and even if there were difficulties, waiting 2 months to open gifts is awful.