To not want a baby shower this late?

[lostandconfused2]

My mum will be throwing me a baby shower, but by the time it'll be thrown I'll be around 34/35 weeks pregnant. I'm currently 24 + 3 and I mentioned how I wanted a baby shower earlier around 29-32 weeks because I'm high-risk and didn't want to do something like that so late, so suggested I throw the shower myself (I know it's not really 'ettiquette' but I was looking forward to having one and wouldn't mind just making it a party!) but she has said she is throwing it and in her words 'You will get it when you get it', aka that I will get it when she decides (which means 34/35 weeks).

So has anyone got experience of having it this late? Do you wish you'd had it earlier or thrown it yourself?

If I suggest not having one or getting someone else to to throw it earlier or simply me and my partner doing it she will probably ignore me for weeks so I don't want to rock the boat.

Hope I don't sound selfish.

I think the passivity of having to wait on someone else to arrange a special party for you is challenging, as an adult. (Often common of both baby showers and hen dos - though compulsory for neither, they’re your parties after all.) So on one level I think pull yourself together, schedule it yourself if you like at the time you'd most prefer and which suits most of those you’d like to have there.

On the other - your mother sounds a bit unreasonable, it’s hard for me to know whether she’s snapping because she’s trying to do a nice thing for you (which I think you want her to do?) and you’re anxiously fussing, or whether she’s got form for being difficult and is going for 34/35 weeks to prove a point specifically because you’ve asked for earlier - you’ll have a better sense for which is more in keeping with her usual behaviour I think.

Anxiety by construction makes everything seem much worse than it really is. Be gentle with yourself.

I was 36 weeks, had DS a week early. It was fine!

I am 35 weeks tomorrow and also high risk pregnancy.
Sorry to say but it is too late for a baby shower. I have zero energy, getting hardly any sleep & can barely eat anything. It's very uncomfortable from here on out as well as there being lots of appointments and trips to triage / maternity (so can't always stick to plans).

In my last pregnancy I had a baby shower at 26w which was great - I enjoyed spending an afternoon with the ladies of my family and a few v close friends. I would not want that now, at all.

Personally I'd cancel this thing your mum is suggesting.

@holly40 not everyone feels like that at that stage so I would not be telling OP to cancel that's really unfair. I was full of energy and had no symptoms you are describing at 37 weeks when I gave birth.

I had my dc at 36 and 33 weeks so missed out on the baby showers my friends had planned for me both times!

"Causing yourself stress and anxiety about this will be come a prophesy. So chill"

Anxiety does not cause prematurity. You can't think your way into a self fulfilling prophecy.

A friend had hers at 35 weeks and went into premature labour. She wasnt high risk. I had mine at around 36 weeks and it was perfectly fine.

I had mine at 35 and 37 weeks was also high risk on both pregnancy's. One was born at 39 weeks and the other was a day late they were my 4th and 5th baby's. If it's your first you'll probs be late I wouldn't worry about it. A lady I know had hers planned for 36 weeks but baby came 3 days before, bay ended up at her own shower.

Is a baby shower a big stressful occasion? Isnt it just sitting around chatting to people and maybe having an afternoon tea? I dont see why that would cause stress and anxiety at 34 weeks if you arent organising it yourself. I think it would be fine. Do it somewhere low key and close to your home. If baby arrives early then you cancel the baby shower (and tell your mum "I told you so").

@holly40 I think you would be unusual in having no energy and being unable to eat at 35 weeks. Although obviously this could happen to OP too, it's not a given. Most women I know were still working full time at 35 weeks so sitting around a baby shower would hardly be taxing

No I was fine. I was still commuting to work on trains and tubes till 36 weeks.

I was anxious throughout the pregnancy for various things to be honest and I was under consultant care. But I could still handle a baby shower! You just sit around eating cake for a couple of hours while your friends and family chat or organise a few games. It's fun and a nice distraction.

@holly40 when I was 35 weeks pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd DC I still had 4 weeks left at work. With dc1 I didn’t finish until 36 weeks so I was also still at work at 35 weeks

I think what you are describing is unusual.

Ok, step back, its "just an afternoon party" you shouldn't have to do anything, it's a gathering of your friends and family

Most baby showers I’ve been to the mother was after 34 weeks. Closest one was 39 weeks

All baby showers I have been to have been at 35-37 weeks. Like posters have said, it is unusual to be feeling so unwell at 35 weeks like Holly did, so I wouldn't be influenced by that. Mind you, any baby showers I have been at or have heard of have been for first babies, I had no idea some people have one in each pregnancy! They aren't my cup of tea anyway, I find them really cringey.

OP I am glad you now see this for what it is, a symptom of your wider anxiety. It will be fine, I am sure you will have a lovely time

Your mum isn’t listening to you. This would rankle, especially as you’re heading for a time when you are more vulnerable and will need both care and autonomy. That wouldn’t help with my anxiety. Would it help to address the changing dynamic with her?

At 35w you should still be ok but can you make plans to see your friends sooner anyway? I found the first three months an absolute blur and struggled to see people and also didn’t open some gifts