Does my partner have a misogynistic streak re comments about my weight and eating

[littleblackcat99]

I have been through a bit of a stressful time recently, as has my partner. We moved down south temporarily from Scotland to London to stay with his mother and work there for a couple of months. Now we have come back home and after things were stressful and didn't work out he has secured a job he's currently doing and I have been interviewed and offered/accepted a new job but haven't started yet as waiting for paperwork to be processed (just waiting for disclosure to be done). But basically, as I went from doing a very active job where I was doing 20,000-30,000 steps a day simply being at work I have now put on a little bit of weight. A month ago I was really just a few pounds away from being underweight but now I've put on just over a stone. I am 5 ft 7 and was about 8 at 13 and now I'm just over 10st due to my change in activity and admittedly a bit of excess food and drink as I think most people have done over this time of year. I still fit into my size 8 clothes but probably am wearing my size 10 clothes a bit more realistically and comfortably. I can feel that I've put on weight and feel a bit bad about myself but personally not too bothered because I know I can lose it easily as I start new job and be a bit more restrictive with my calories. But what is upsetting me is that my partner keeps making jibes at me for eating or perhaps what he perceives as me eating too much. Ironically a couple of months ago he told me "you need to eat more" and I admit I was probably a bit too thin. The other day he woke up and saw me eating breakfast which is apparently an outrageous concept and he told me "you need to start a diet tomorrow ". Today he came into kitchen when I was eating leftovers out the fridge as my lunch and he was quite openly looking down on me and mocking me for eating. It makes me feel like fucking shit and inwardly angry that he thinks he can comment on what I eat especially in such a negative way. And yes I've put on weight and feel bad about myself but my BMI is 22 exactly and I'm size 8-10. I am now thinking he has an unpleasant misogynistic streak in him and starting to feel quite angry. AIBU?

He is not a nice person
How rude!
Tell me.. Is he drop dead gorgeous
Bet he isn't
Tell him to look in the mirror before criticising others
You are not overweight
You are actually underweight according to your BMI

He is spiteful and is a bit of a bully really. You are a person not an accessory.

I am starting to question whether he's a nice person. I do find him incredibly attractive to look at and I love him but when he's been making these comments recently my heart sinks and have tears in my eyes when he walks into the room and makes a put-down comment about my eating. I am aware I've put on weight and I do resolve to restrict my diet and lose weight soon but I just think my goodness it's just bern Christmas time and we've been through stressful time and really a little bit of weight gain is not the most important thing right now and his comments make my heart sink

This is disgusting behaviour.

If you want to be with him then you simply must have this out with him, explain how unacceptable it is and give him the opportunity to apologise profusely and change his ways. If he doesn't, bin him.

What would you advise a friend if they came to you with this scenario? You deserve better.

Leave him
Leave him
Leave him
This is awful
And you are still definitely slim in a size 10 and don’t need to lose weight. He’s trying to control you.

Thats very shallow, cruel and controlling

That's horrible!!! How awful of him

This is horrible. You don’t even need to lose any weight. Your current weight is right in the middle of a normal bmi.
He’s toxic if he has you thinking you need to diet!
You deserve so much better than him.

You deserve better than him. Imagine another 5 years and how more controlling he will be!

You do not need to lose weight as you are not over weight. He is a bully and trying to control you and make you feel bad. Tell him to shut up about your weight. If he continues to be mean, then reconsider if you want to be with him. He sounds like he delights in making you feel bad.

Is he controlling about anything else?

Sorry but I'd have thrown the fucking plate at the wall and told him to clean it up (well no I don't believe in violence but there'd be no sex and no favours and I'd be commenting back about his food).

He's a dick. I've been quite big and am now small but DH never talked about me losing weight. He does encourage me now but only because, like you were, I'm in danger of being underweight and even now it's done gently and with love.

He is actively choosing to upset you. He's a rude, ignorant bully. So what if he's incredibly attractive? He's definitely not a prize. Loads of good looking men out there, he's not the only one. He is shallow and unmannerly.

You may love him but he doesn't love you. That's why he can easily mock and belittle you, and continue to do so even tho he knows it's hurtful.

A man who treats you like that will always find something to make you feel shit about. If it's not weight, it'll be something else.

Relationships are about making each other feel good. Get out now, this isn't going jn a good direction.

Are you with my ex-husband??? I'd bet money on him being controlling in other ways too.

You'll never be good enough. I'd seriously consider leaving..... believe me, I've been there. It only gets worse.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Run, now, just run away from him. The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>. If I were you I'd leave or get rid of him as fast as you can. You deserve better than this.

I am in a similar situation with the same comments op. Please don't put up with it. It makes you more and more miserable as time goes on. I've got two DC now and it gets harder to deal with when there are children involved

Tell him to mind his own business and you'll eat what you want when you want.

Don’t restrict your eating! You deserve to eat. If he is making you feel that you need to punish yourself by restricting food then he is not a nice person. It’s abusive. You can do so much better

Sounds like you're at the perfect weight OP. Just don't gain anymore if it's important.

Drop the dead weight I should think though and it's not attached to your body.

Imagine coming home to that every night. Cruel, mocking comments it's enough to give you an eaying/anxiety disorder. I wouldn't care if he looked like an Adonis - He'd have to get to fuck. Your home is your haven but not whilst you've got this fool in there.

Only once I'm wondering if your DCs are yet old enough to hear you being put down, and what future relationship patterns you think they'll develop based on what they see and hear in childhood home life.

You are already trying to justify his reasoning (I know I've put on a bit, I will restrict my diet, etc). Do not do this! It's making it sound like he is in some way reasonable, which he most definitely is not. He is the one person who is supposed to make you feel good, be on your side and be your biggest fan. He is not treating you this way at all at the moment. It's very tempting to say you should call him ugly or chubby or rubbish in bed etc, but who really wants that kind of relationship? I think you could try telling him to pack it in and what a dick he is being and see what his reaction tells you. A phrase I find quite useful if my husband has been an arse is this - you are the one person who is never supposed to make be cry but you are the only one who does. Ask him, so if some bloke in a pub called me fat, would you agree with him or would you tell him to fuck off?!
Honestly, do not question yourself. You are not big at all and he sounds very manipulative and actually just a spiteful person.

What an idiot I'm 5,7 and have always been around 10stone size 10 never thought I was even slightly over weight