To go on holiday?

[Popsalot]

I have a group of friends, we all hang out together and our kids play together, we are close.

One of our friends has one child who is about a year younger than the rest of the kids and a new baby, about 5 months old. We haven't seen as much of her since the baby was born. Fair enough, she's pretty sleep deprived she says and she's struggling with both kids.

Since before her baby was born, the rest of the group and I made plans (through our husbands who are also friends) to go away for a week over the summer. It's a cycling holiday. We didn't mention it to our friend with the baby or her husband - we didn't think she'd be interested.

I told her the other day and she's been off and upset with me ever since. She said that she didn't want to come, but couldn't understand why we hadn't told her. She basically said that she thought we had been keeping secrets from her. It's true that we have been organising things between the other members of the group without including her, but we just figured she wouldn't be bothered about it.

AIBU or is she?

I think yabu, its horrible to be made to feel like your friends are all keeping secrets behind your back. You should have given her the option to turn you down instead of assuming what she would do.

I would be really upset that you thought I wasn't worth bothering with.

You should have mentioned it.
She probably wouldn’t have waited to go but it sounds like she’s feeling a bit isolated anyway and it was pretty insensitive of you all to leave her out

Yup Yabu. Unless it's normal to do stuff leaving only one out. She's had a baby, not committed a crime. She can decide if she wants to go? I went on a similar holiday and just pottered at house when I couldn't join in.

I would have preferred a this is the idea this year, who is in type message.

YABU. It's very hurtful to be excluded from discussions

In fact your post is almost the opposite view from a thread posted the other day where the OP was not being asked to certain things because her friends assumed she couldn't manage

YABU..... To not invite someone because you know they won't want to go is a weird excuse.

If you're pals you surely just say "we all fancy doing such and such, clearly you're invited and entirely welcome but we won't be at all offended if you don't come due to baby/money/your dislike of the activity.... I just couldn't not invite you"

YABVU. It’s absolutely horrible to be excluded from a group thing, when you are part of the group. You absolutely should have included her.

YABVU - and hurtful. Until you have been on the receiving end of this you’ll never appreciate just how upsetting it is.

YABU and very lucky she decided to talk to you about it. That must have been hard for her. Apologise and be kind.

You've been thoughtless. I am not surprised she is upset.

Yes YABVU. She should have been included in the initial discussion whatever.

Yeah YABU. It feels really shit to be left out like this ... especially when you're feeling low, isolated and sleep deprived due to a new baby.

Yep YABU, also you haven't seen much of her because she is sleep deprived and struggling with both kids. You haven't offered to help her out then?

Your group sounds like a selfish bunch tbh

YABU.

Yabu. Poor women will be feeling isolated as it is then she finds out her friends haven’t invited her to something.

Yes, YABU.
She’s probably feeling mortified. You should never assume how someone might be feeling and you and your other friends should have included her in your plans and given her the opportunity to refuse if she wasn’t interested or couldn’t make it.
You’ve all made the decision for her .
Very rude and very unfriendly.
Your poor friend.

YABU. Of course she’s upset. You and the rest of your cronies need to apologise.

You have been VERY unreasonable!! How nasty and bitchy.
Didn’t your parents raise you with manners? You should always invite people even if you don’t think they’ll be interested

YABU. I posted yesterday that I felt incredibly hurt to be on the receiving end of being left out by "friends".

It's not nice at all.

How would you feel if the group all went and arranged something and left you out just because they "thought" you wouldn't be interested?

Yabu- it’s so hurtful to feel forgotten about in a group. The fact you didn’t at any point bring it up around her until now would suggest you’d all decided not to mention it deliberately.

Don't think you're being unreasonable - totally understand why you didn't tell her. Can see why she has got upset but I'd just apologise and explain you didn't think it would interest her. Didn't keep anything from her deliberately so I wouldn't worry too much. Some people are so dramatic.

Yabu. I totally understand the feeling of not being able to logistically partake in events, or them not really being my cup of tea but not being asked is hurtful. Being the only ones 'left out' in a group is horrible. Being invited or included (even if you don't go) can make you feel valued and wanted by friends

I think YABU. Even if you didn't think she'd like it you should have mentioned it to her and offered an invite.

I'm not surprised she's upset, she probably feels very left out and hurt. I'd be gutted in her shoes! She's prob knackered, feeling like any new Mum, losing herself in her kids and now her friends are making arrangements without her.

YABU to not ask her but she is probably feeling really excluded. You must have set up a WhatsApp group or something & costed things up.

It's absolutely horrible realising you've been excluded from something, I always ask unless the person has turned down multiple invitations.