Teenagers and helping round the house

[sparepartalways]

Can I ask how much your teenagers do?

AIBU to expect mine to do more than they do which tbh is next to nothing ? I’m sick of it Ive stopped paying their pocket money as I’ve told them I feel like unappreciated

Just to clarify they are 18 and 13

I’d asked them to once a day load /unload / put away from dishwasher

Keep their rooms tidy

After showers etc hang towels etc but no at least twice a day the bathroom is a hot messy steamy swamp and everything left out

Bowls and cups are dried on mess I’m told I can wash them first. Why should I they won’t as ‘makes them feel sick’

They were not brought up to be lazy as toddlers I asked them to help tidy toys away etc it s just lately they have become so so lazy and I’m doing more and more and I’m exhausted

DD washes her own bedding and work uniform. Cleans her own room once in a while and does the washing up at least a couple of times a week.

No set jobs, just ask that they tidy up after themselves in their rooms and put washing in basket etc.

DS 19) puts the bins out after being reminded and making a fuss but apart from that he won't do anything except maybe make me the odd cuppa if he's already boiling the kettle.

Mine is nearly 11, so not quite a teenager yet, but I expect her to:

Put her clothes in the wash basket
Keep her room tidy
Set the table for dinner/clear away plates
Unload the dishwasher from time to time
Sometimes help unload the food shop
occasionally she will cook dinner for herself and her brother, with a bit of supervision

I find it best for them to have set jobs because then you don't even have to talk about it, they just have to get on with it.

Well done for withholding the pocket money!

You may need to remind them for a while but then hopefully it will become habitual for them.

You could decide which jobs you want doing, sit down with them and invite them to choose some . Tell them it's not just to earn their pocket money, it's to share the load of the house. Do they really think it is fair for you to do three lots of work and them to do none?

The absolute minimum they should be doing is picking up wet towels, putting their dishes in the dishwasher after use and putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket surely?
These are basic things and I would turn off the wifi and other passive aggressive things (wash their school / work uniform but nothing else), not leave out any towels for them except the wet smelly ones they’ve already used.
I think it’s teenage territory to be lazy arseholes so probably too much to expect dusting hoovering and changing bedding but basic stuff like putting a bowl in the dishwasher isnt too much to ask surely? Little buggers!

They really are incredibly lazy. I’m only asking they clear up their own mess it’s not even like I’m asking them to clean up after anybody else ! They seem to think I’m running some kind of posh hotel where they don’t have to lift a finger

My grandsons (8 to 15) all have jobs including the 8 year old who empties the dishwasher. They do hoovering, mopping, wiping table etc. They also prepare the packed lunches on a rota and do some cooking. Tidying up after themselves isn't a job it's just expected.

I dated someone who had been allowed to get away with murder when it came to housework.

Consequently I dumped him as I felt like I was his servant or mother, picking up clothing from the floor, doing his dishes he left upstairs until they had gone crunchy. Gross.

So you really are doing them a favour by insisting they show respect and do their bit round the house. Or they will end up with girlfriends who will dump them for their lazy ways.

When mine were teens they did laundry, ironing, cleaned bathrooms and kitchen, cut grass and weeded flower beds, washed the car, kept their rooms tidy and cooked a family dinner once a week.

My DC 12 and 14 both have set jobs.

One washes up every evening, does the vacuuming once a week and will sort recycling out.

The other dries up and wipes kitchen sides each evening and sortd clean washing into piles weekly.

They both also tidy their rooms once a week and clean up after themselves in the bathroom.

They get pocket money for this. When I first put this in place and stopped them treating the place like a hotel I did have to call them out and make them do it. I now don't have to and its automatic

Yes this is why I have stopped their pocket money as although I wasn’t technically paying them to do jobs it was meant to be they behave appropriately and I don’t think they are they see me rushing in, cleaning , tidying etc then do nothing so hopefully a lack of money makes them realise it works both ways

I was getting tempted to just start binning towels plates etc and having 1 set just for myself and see what they do when there’s nothing left will they realise then when there’s nothing to eat from and only cold damp smelly towels 🤔

When mine were teens I expected

Bending to be changed at least every two weeks.
All dirty clothing/bedding to be put in the laundry bins and bought down to the utility as I requested.
Rooms kept reasonably clean, bins emptied, dirty plates returned to kitchen etc.
Make school packed lunch and clean lunch box
Help out on any task requested without moaning ie feed the cats, take washing upstairs, hoover upstairs.

16 and 15 have to:
Clear their plate at family meals (DH washes up)
Clear up if they eat separately
Unload dishwasher in holidays
Cook once a week in holidays
Mop once a month (as do DH and I)
Change their own beds
Take the recycling as and when I ask
Tidy and vacuum their own rooms when they feel it is necessary
Clean their bedroom windows every few months.
Lay the table at weekends/ holidays

We are in France and the school days are long. Sometimes they are out from 7.30 am to 6.30 pm and still have homework, so I don't expect much in the week.

I find they oblige with minimal grunts if it's a habit (clearing their plates) or we give them good notice e.g. on Friday night remind them they are in mopping duty that weekend. I don't mind when it is done as long as it is done by Sunday night.

I have set jobs for my children too but they just huff, moan , groan constantly about it. I have to remind them and it turns into a nagging session- where I become annoyed and frustrated.
Apart from withholding WiFi how else do people enforce the jobs?

@sauvignonblancplz with DS he just doesn't get playstation time until he completes his chores and/or pocket.

Mine do next to nothing
I work 60 hours a week and don't have time to argue with them

DS is 13.

He does dishes a couple of times a week.
Cleans his room and en suite weekly
Is expected to pick up after himself.
Walks dog for 45 mins 3 x a week.
Does his homework all the time (at least 1hr a night in term time) and is expected to do it well.

Anything else I ask him to do also, although there isn't much else.

My 2 youngest (16 and almost 18) still live at home.

They do their own laundry, fill and empty dishwasher, keep public areas of the house tidy (we will draw a veil over the bedroom situation), help with grocery shopping and putting it away, look after pets (feeding, cleaning out rabbits and guinea pigs, walking the dog) and cook a meal each every week. I know this sounds like a lot but I'm disabled and can't do a lot through the house. We have a cleaner and dh does more than his share.

For this they get their allowance (£75/month) and mobile phone. We're also open to paying extra for exceptional jobs like gardening or deep cleaning (dd2 loves a cleaned out kitchen cupboard!!).

There's remarkably little moaning about it. And when dd1 (19) is home she just pitches in too. It's just the way it has to be. I don't ask them for personal care, dh does all that. Apart from shoes - I can't tie my own laces. And dd2 dyes my hair and does my eyebrows - she's hoping to study beauty therapy when she leaves school, though!

My teenagers also dislike touching dirty stuff (clothes or plates/cutlery) as they refuse to touch each other’s used things - too icky as far as they’re concerned.

So they take it in turns to do the jobs that involve touching washed things. They empty the dishwasher and put everything away, and they hang up the washing to dry when it comes out of the machine. They also retrieve their own clothes from the washing line and it’s up to them to iron if they want their clothes ironed.

That is grim, they are doing fewer chores than my 8yo and my 5yo. I don’t know what the solution is...will probably have the same problem in a few years!

My 13 and 11 year old are lazy beyond belief. They don't get any pocket money because they don't do anything. Apart from making their packed lunches (only because otherwise they go hungry) and they moan about it.
I don't know what else to try. My husband is just as lazy. I'm pregnant, feeling crap and sick of being an unpaid slave.

My DS is 12. He does his own laundrey, cooks his own breakfast and lunch and for his sister sometimes, makes dinner for us all about once a week, changes his bed, keeps his room tidy and vacuumed, helps with general tidying and does washing up/loads the dishwasher. It isn't linked to pocket money or anything like that he just doesn't want to leave everything to me. His 7 year old sister helps with dinner, lays the table, loads the dishwasher, tidies toys and keeps her room tidyish.