To feel like Iv wasted my life?

[Foxton20]

I had my first dd at 16 and then my second at 19. I ended up with extreme PND after my second child . I married my abusive ex at 22.I haven’t worked due to PND. I got divorced at 23 and met my now husband at 24. When I met Dh I was extremely unwell mentally. He was my rock and supported me financially. We now have a dd2 and he still supports us all financially. He’s absolutely fine with this and wants me to do whatever I feel is right. Iv loved every minute of dd2. No pnd and such a happy time but last year I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and anxiety.

I decided not to work after dd2 was born as id just be paying for childcare and luckily we are ok financially.

Dd starts school in September and I will be 30. I feel like Iv wasted my life and I feel bloody awful about it. I feel like I’m nothing other than a mother. I feel absolutely awful for not contributing a penny towards the household.

I was extremely ill after my second child, my mum had just died and I’m lucky I didn’t.

I have no idea “who I am”. I want to work but have zero confidence or skills.

wtf do I do?!

@Foxton20 well done! You must be so proud of yourself. You've taken the first step towards establishing yourself and this will surely help you gain confidence in all areas of your life. The thing with people with LD's is that they are all so joyful and happy with their world. Being around them is a real cure for one's own problems I can tell you. Do you realise that a lot of people are actually frightened of people with LD's? It takes a really special person to do what you've done today. Sending you a massive hug OP!
[FWIW I'm mum to 5 adult DD's the eldest of whom has severe LD's due to a genetic syndrome and the youngest of whom graduated with a 1st in LD Nursing 2 years ago. Couldn't be prouder.]

You have 35 years left to work. Plenty of time for a career (or 3!).
Life deals some shit hands, sounds like you've had a tough time but things are improving you.
Best of luck OP!

Sounds brilliant - and fun! So, to recap.... you first posted on 2nd Jan, have been offered a job by 7th Jan and start it on 13th Jan - not only that but it's an area of work you actually want to be in. I take my hat off to you OP

First day today! Pooping it!

Well done, OP - good luck!

You'd be ideal for volunteering with MENCAP www.mencap.org.uk/get-involved/volunteering
They usually need people to take people with learning difficulties out and about for example.
This would give you work experience for if you do want a paid job later on, but would also not put your she's nose out if joint as you wouldn't be doing it for the money.

Sorry, just realised you've updated. Well done!

You've just done it the opposite way round is all, most women are just starting their families/ mat leave etc now. You don't need to take that time out.

Also there's lots of adjustments now for dyslexia

Hope it goes well.

You're only a young woman. Why not start a small community based course to begin with. It will improve your confidence and give you a starting base.
With you life experience I bet you'd make a great community worker helping others.
Is there a community centre in the area you can offer to volunteer at.
That's my plan this year.
You can do this.

Saw update. Well done

@foxton20
OP If you can afford life coaching with a “co-active” method trained life coach I would very strongly recommend this as it worked for me (different situation but similar age and I now feel so much more excited about life and very grateful for what I have, and I’m a much nicer and happier person). If that’s not viable right now then two books I would recommend:
Playing Big -Tara Mohr playingbig.taramohr.com/
Designing Your Life - Bill Burnett and Dave Evans
designingyour.life/

Playing Big will hell give you the mental resilience and self confidence to understand what you want and to ask for it, and Designing your Life will give you time tools your need. Really understand what kind of life will make you happy and fulfilled and a real action plan to get there (it’s effectively a textbook full of exercises)

And if you have access to any of the services of The School of Life
www.theschooloflife.com/
This might be helpful too - they do classes in real life. A lot of their philosophy is about stoicism but also connection with people and the world around us. This has helped me a lot when I was feeling lost and like I was wasting my life.
I think a lot of these feelings are very normal for people in their 30s-40s. I can’t think of a friend who hasn’t had a similar “I’m wasting my life!” Moment from a totally different “origin story” over the past couple of years!

Good luck!

Today went so well. I absolutely loved it! Everyone is so lovely and welcoming. I go back Wednesday!

Great news Heyjude20, glad that you enjoyed it.

Just thought I’d update!!

Been volunteering for a month now, twice a week.

I LOVE it!! I have a job interview with them tomorrow for bank staff work at the centre and the assisted living houses!

What a fabulous update and what a wonderful thing you're doing!

Well done! I've just read your full thread. You sound like an amazing person and an amazing mum. You should be so proud of yourself!

The sky is the limit. Good luck with your interview!

Great news. Good luck with the interview.