To feel like Iv wasted my life?

[Foxton20]

I had my first dd at 16 and then my second at 19. I ended up with extreme PND after my second child . I married my abusive ex at 22.I haven’t worked due to PND. I got divorced at 23 and met my now husband at 24. When I met Dh I was extremely unwell mentally. He was my rock and supported me financially. We now have a dd2 and he still supports us all financially. He’s absolutely fine with this and wants me to do whatever I feel is right. Iv loved every minute of dd2. No pnd and such a happy time but last year I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and anxiety.

I decided not to work after dd2 was born as id just be paying for childcare and luckily we are ok financially.

Dd starts school in September and I will be 30. I feel like Iv wasted my life and I feel bloody awful about it. I feel like I’m nothing other than a mother. I feel absolutely awful for not contributing a penny towards the household.

I was extremely ill after my second child, my mum had just died and I’m lucky I didn’t.

I have no idea “who I am”. I want to work but have zero confidence or skills.

wtf do I do?!

I'd second volunteering. It will help build up your confidence and experience and help you define what you do and don't like doing. You're raising three children, that is a valuable job. Just because it isn't paid doesn't mean it has no value.

You’ve done so much!
Have a look at access to higher education courses. You will get help with dyslexia and you will get a chance to work out who you are.

Slightly similar scenario here OP. I did really well in school and college and planned to go to Uni but I fell pregnant at 18 and had my son at 19. His dad emotionally abused me and treated me badly so I left him and never looked back. I met my now partner or 7 years when DS was 18 months. I had my second child, my daughter at 23. Both my children have additional needs. I also suffer from anxiety, ocd and depression but am Hugh functioning.

I’m nearly 28 not managed to go back to work since having my oldest. It’s been incredibly hard. Both are in full time school now and I’ve still not managed to work. My partner works ands
Provides. We have a nice home but I feel like I haven’t achieved anything, have zero confidence, no friends and I’m a bloody boring housewife!

I have emailed a local company whose office is round the corner from my home. They are a care company who do activities/learning for people with learning disabilities. They also have supported living centres.
They asked if I would like to go and chat with them next week?!

They are also looking for bank staff? What does that mean?

I’m worried about timings that’s all. It’s 9-4 Monday to Friday.

If I volunteer could I say what days/times I could do it?

At the min I can do 9.30-2.30 monday-weds. But come September I can do 9-3. I will obviously be able to get childcare for before and after school if needed. And weekends do I look for a childminder?

Op I think you should take most of your post and re write it in a much more positive way. It's awful to lose you mum, pnd, etc you can't re write that. Most of the other things though you should be proud of! Lovely kids, lovely husband and lucky to stay at home to raise them! Yours sound like the inspiring survival story of a very strong woman.
Now you are going to have a chance to do something else fulfilling too.
Good luck, sounds like the local charity will be lucky to have you, just let them know the hours you can do.

That's excellent news about the offer from the company to go in and have a chat. Absolutely go, don't worry about what hours they may require at this stage, you have nothing at all to lose - if the hours aren't doable then you're not any worse off than now and you will have gained some knowledge about potential roles. And if something comes of it then great, either way you can be proud of yourself for taking action.

Maybe hold back from an actual job for now (school hours/term time only jobs are very very rare) and focus on finding out who you and what you really love doing.
What do you do (or wish you were doing) in your spare time. Is there something from your childhood that you enjoyed but 'outgrew' but could go back to - something like gardening, sewing, jigsaws etc. There are usually community groups or classes for just about anything (check out meetup.com).
I didn't have children young but got rushed in to a 'that will do' job at 18 which I struggled with a work/life balance and found it hard to develop and discover Who I Am.
Focus on you first.

30 is nowt!

I'm 40 and I'm doing a job I hadn't even heard of ten years ago!

Careful with the care work - it can be exploitative.

Maybe find a local college? Getting some qualifications (any qualifications) will boost your confidence

30 is young and your desire to work in that field is highly achievable I would say. Go for it.

You've done so well getting in touch with the centre.
Bank work means they will call you if they have a gap in the rota eg if someone is sick or to cover holidays.
You could do this to see if you like it and you don't have to commit to set hours.
Maybe do a weekend shift if your husband is off so you do t have to pay for childcare?
Good luck.

Wow you don't hang around OP! Well done. Is this a volunteering opportunity or paid work? Either way, I'd go and have a chat with them, explain what hours you can work to fit around your family and see what they say. Don't commit to 9-4 if that's going to be difficult for you.

Let us know how you get on OP and good luck.

Go on Future Learn (OU MOOCS) and see if any free courses on there appeal to you. Do the courses you're interested in, they involve a few weeks usually, al on-line and are interesting. Then if there is something that really appeals you could consider taking it further with a Foundation Degree etc.

My anxiety is so high.

I’m off to meet them today for a chat. My confidence is so low that I’m worried about talking to them! They said I can meet some of their clients today.

Help! I’m wearing a dress and tights. Will that be ok? It’s knee lengh.

Outfit sounds perfect! Try not to worry - easier said than done I know! - think of it not as an interview, it's an opportunity for you to find out more about the role, the company, the people you'd be working with. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Good luck!

Good luck with the meeting.

You're really young! And, what's better still, is that you've had your kids and they're in school so you can now throw yourself in to work.

At first, just try and get a job they may be something junior in admin, working at a pub or at a supermarket, that will give you confidence and some money of your own, as well as time to think about what you'd like to do. Lots of universities have access courses for people with no qualifications, and your local college/adult learning centre will be happy to advise you on how to get GCSEs and A Levels of you need them or don't have them. The Open University would allow you to study at home and you can always work your way up in many workplaces too.

City and Guilds offer good qualifications too.

Don't despair - you're genuinely in a really strong position. My sister had my DNephew at 19, worked as a carer then got on to an access nursing degree. She's now graduated, is a nurse, earning well and is 30 :)

Hi!

It went SO well. The people are lovely!! I start volunteering next week every Monday and Wednesday. As soon as I walked in a young lad came over and shook my hand. He’s a sweetheart and gave me a kiss on the cheek when I left

Made an account specially to tell you that it is NOT TOO LATE. You are really young and can train to do anything you want to at this point. I mucked about in my 20’s- did lots of part time jobs and temping type stuff, worked in bars etc, no career to speak of. Had DD1 at 26 and DD2 at 30. After DD2 was born I decided I wanted to be a midwife. I volunteered for a year in a hospital and then did an access course part time which took another year. Got accepted onto a degree in 2016, got pregnant again, took time off, went back and am now nearly qualified (in September, yay!) when I will be 38. It will have been 6 years in the making but it’s never too late to have a career that makes you happy- you just need to be determined. Good luck!

Rather than make any 'what will I do with my life decisions', I would try and get a shop in a local shop / cafe / cinema that will allow you to build up your confidence. You can then give yourself time to consider the path ahead

That is fantastic news! Well done OP I am really really pleased for you.

You are a woman of action!

Can you tell us more about the role? What will you be doing?

Fantastic news. Good luck

@Kerning it’s just a voluntary role in the local “day centre” for adults with all sorts of learning disabilities. Some who live in assisted living or at home etc.

They go from 9-4 and do Alsorts of activities like cooking, gardening, even sailing!

Today they went to the gym!

So it’s just assisting them with it all. And I have the option of going into the assisted living side but atm I’m happy with the “day centre”

Excellent news. Glad it went so well for you.

PP have already said this.

You are just beginning! You have 37 years to work if you choose.

You haven't embarked on a degree course so that will still be open to you.

I found the best way into your dream is to talk to people in the field and volunteer. Even if it's just a few hours a week.

It will help sharpen your focus and give you the drive to get your qualifications up to date for entry requirements.

You can do it, you are still so young!

Well done for making contact.

You've made the first step.