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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Demanding in laws

59 replies

Pumba3 · 02/01/2020 12:43

Usual Christmas related angst so I’ll try to keep things short. My BIL lives a fair bit away and decided he would come for a visit, he has a dog and was told under no uncertain terms that the dog wasn’t allowed in the house (I’m not a fan). He decided to come anyway and stay nearby, there was a massive row on NYE around the dog not being allowed in the house, however this is just for context to demonstrate my deep loathing of all things canine. Anyway, he decided he wanted us all to go for a walk and a pub lunch with the dog, I agreed as I figured it was a compromise and to keep the peace. After driving to his chosen pub he decided us wasn’t suitable for the dog, we then spent most of the afternoon trying to find a suitable place for both the humans (including my 4 very young children) and the dog. When we finally found somewhere suitable ( he reluctantly agreed to a place that had parking directly outside so the dog could stay in his vehicle and he could keep an eye on it), he stormed off back to his B&B because we had been driving around all afternoon and he was fed up! Cue disappointed children who were looking forward to spending time with their uncle and who had also spent an afternoon cold and hungry. I’m livid and want my husband to speak to him about his behaviour but his response is that we know what he is like and to let bygones be bygones, do you think I should?

OP posts:
Teaandcrisps · 04/01/2020 16:57

@Pumba3 Why has your OH asked that
you dont discuss the situation with MIL? Whatever else it proves that he knows your BIL acted like a prick and wants you to help him cover up his lack of assertion. If asked I would spill the beans.

TARSCOUT · 04/01/2020 17:28

I mostly prefer dogs to people but you are right, this is your home so if you don't want dogs in that is your right. I wonder however if it really isn't about the dog?????

BigChocFrenzy · 04/01/2020 17:31

OP:
Tell her !
She's bound to mention the trouble he made when visiting her, then you can chime in

Your OH shouldn't get to censor what you say

MIL could help him see that your BIL's dog should not be allowed to enter your home again.
Your OH can take him, BIL & the kids wherever else they want - you stay home and chill

BigChocFrenzy · 04/01/2020 17:32

"I wonder however if it really isn't about the dog?????"

because what's not to like about an animal that shits on your carpet
and smears pnut butter around the house .....

Twisique · 04/01/2020 17:38

My grandad always said “never trust someone who doesn’t like dogs.” In my experience he’s been bang on

Hitler loved his dogs. Had two called Blondi.

Anyway, moving away from stupid generalisations, is BIL the golden child? Is it a surprise for him to not get his own way? What will you say to MIL?

Pumba3 · 04/01/2020 17:52

@Twisique thank you, that made me smile!! BIL is not the golden child at all and he has a difficult relationship with his mother (my MIL). I think my husband just doesn’t want what I say to be used against BIL and I get that, he needs no assistance from me in highlighting his behaviour I just don’t know what to say. If I lie and say everything is fine it makes me out to be untrustworthy (especially if she finds out later). I think I will just say that is was a bit awkward with the dog and hopefully we can leave it at that. I really don’t have the energy to get into a big discussion with any of them tbh x

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 04/01/2020 18:02

If your MIL asks tell her the truth, you've done no wrong.

Tell DH you're not lying

Pumba3 · 04/01/2020 20:14

@BigChocFrenzy thanks for making me smile!! Grin

OP posts:
Pumba3 · 04/01/2020 20:14

@BigChocFrenzyive just realised that the emoji looks psychotic!! X

OP posts:
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