Could I have some sensible advice please?

[glitterytrainers]

I am looking for some sensible, non militant MN advice please. My son is very friendly with my friend's two sons. My DS has told me about some things they have done recently which my friend is totally unaware of. They are all adults in their 20s so most of it is their business and they can do what they like. Think excessive gambling etc (don't want to get into too much detail). Anyway one of them still lives at home, the other doesn't. I have become aware that the one who stays at home has drunk driven a few times (he had form in the past which my friend knows about). My son has sworn me to secrecy, said if I ever say anything he would never speak to me again so I can't open that can of worms. The last time he was out DS took the car keys off his friend so that he couldn't use them. Advice would be welcomed.

"The thing is they are all lovely boys"

It's staggering what men do and still be thought of as 'lovely boys'.

Op you are appalling
Every day that you wait for your son (who clearly takes after you) is another day that this boy could kill someone

Please consider the bigger picture

You tell your son that you have to share this information but won’t include his name in doing so. Then you tell your friend, face to face that you have some very serious and disturbing information that you must tell her despite it causing her worry and stress.

Tell her exactly what you know, leaving your son out of it. She may surmise it is him who has told you but you simply say you can’t tell her but believe it to be true.

The gambling is presumably legal and therefore stupid but the drink driving is illegal and potentially lethal. It is also obvious a major risk to his future prospects and employment.

She needs to know. You could also share with Crimestoppers. Unfortunately the police could only act if they caught him dink driving and as you say, resources are scarce but the risks are appalling.

Tell her. Don’t allow her to minimise the behaviour.

And I suffer with such bad anxiety that if I did report him and he got caught I would blame myself.

And there it is.

This drunk driver could kill your son one day.