To be disappointed in my family

[Fenellapitstop]

I'm a single mum and have had to work a solid week starting Christmas Eve. My eldest dd went to her boyfriends family, youngest dd went to her dad for the week and my son has split his time between here and his girlfriend.

On to where I'm peeved, I have 3 sisters, all of whom are happily married and have children with them full time. I'm always the one that phones them. I tried phoning my elder dsis a week ago, she didn't answer but messaged to ask if I was ok, I told her I wasn't doing great and she didn't call me back. Am I being ridiculous at my great age to be upset that none of them bothered over the holiday to call me or directly message me? Especially as at least one of them knows I was having a hard time?

I too would be disappointed Op. I would be supportive of my siblings and their childcare needs. I love it when my nieces and nephews get to spend time with us and their cousins. Your sisters are a bit crap.

My big 2 are adults but number 3 is at primary. Im due back to work this Friday for 6 shifts, my adult niece said she'd help but has announced that the dates don't work for her. I have no leave left, exh won't have dc3 again as it's not his turn, I don't have anyone in the area. None of them have offered to help so my ds has taken time off from work

I'd be disappointed as well, I can't imagine not talking to my brother frequently, especially checking in over Christmas and New Year, more so when he isn't in a good place.
Would talking about it here help at all?

OP, I’m not trying to put the boot in, as you sound at the end of your tether, but I don’t think you can or should be relying on family as childcare — like anyone else, including me, who has children without family who are in the vicinity, able and willing to help, you just have to pay for it.

It's an ongoing saga, I've been separated from my exh 3 Christmases now, due to my job I work shifts and will always work Christmas or new year. I've missed 2 of 3 christmases since with dc3 and exh will stop me being able to see her or phone her. I think my work friends show more care towards me

How old are their children? Do they have young children who are very time-consuming, especially at this time of the year when they're constantly over-excited.

Have you messaged them to see how they are? Do you know that they haven't been sick (most of my family have been ill this Christmas, and spent half their days in bed)?

Are you wanting emotional support or do you want them to babysit your dc?

Their dc range from 13-19 , no one has been ill or having any drama, they are all chatting on the group chat. Just no direct attempt at contact with me. Maybe I bring down their mood too much. I spent new year alone which they knew, 2 of them had parties, I was not invited

I would like them to act like they give a toss. I normally have an aupair due to my shifts. My sisters do not help with babysitting and I wouldn't expect them to

It is disgusting behaviour from your sisters OP. Sometimes friends are better than family. Wishing you well. X

You said to your eldest dsis that you were not doing great and she ignored you and then 2 of them had parties on Nye and neither of them invited you.
You know their kids are older and no one was sick over Xmas and new year.
One of them should have contacted you to see how you were and invited you to their party.
It amazing how selfish/self centered some people are but if they needed a favourite, babysitting ect they would expect you to drop all and help them out.
I would tell them that your disappointed in their lack of thought or care for you. If you don't want to say this I would just stop making as much effort with them. The next time they ring ect looking for a favour I would just be to busy.

I have a friend with a selfish family like yours. A few years ago she was left dealing with a horrible stressful situation because of her families total lack of help or giving a toss about her. One of her friends helped her sort this out. Meanwhile my friends own mother barely acknowledge the situation then.
My friend is now making plans. She said in time her siblings can deal with their elderly parents health and care issues because she will be to busy.

Yanbu

That is unkind behaviour from them.

I actually think you're being a bit unreasonable.

Christmas is a busy time for everyone.
Your sister was a bit mean to ignore you when you said you're not doing great but other than that it sounds like you've been expecting special treatment because you're the only one who's single. You say you only tried calling one of them so why are the other two automatically expected to call you?

If two of them had parties presumably they didn't invite each other so it wasn't a case of you being left out.

Have you asked your ex about.childcare and he's refused, or are you assuming he won't take the youngest one?

It's unreasonable to expect childcare from your sisters, especially if you're just hinting that you need help rather than asking outright.

Can you not swap shifts at work?

I am sorry you're having a bit of a crap time of it, though. I hope things start looking up.

I can count on one hand how many times I messaged or called my brother last year. That would be zero.

Seeing him? That would be twice, three times if you count Xmas day.

If he doesn't make an effort, I'm buggered if I'm going to (I've tried in the past, but to he is a bit of a selfish twat). To be honest, when my parents go, I'll probably never see or speak to him.

Just as an aside, your ex has no right to stop you phoning your DD at Christmas or any other time.

This is behaviour aimed at hurting you, not in the best interest of the child at all.

If you can (and take a good look at what's involved before dismissing this suggestion) I urge you to file a petition in family court to establish your right to contact your child while she is having visitation with her father. It is completely unreasonable of him to deny this.

www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
Do you qualify for legal aid?

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/
Advice available.

www.supportthroughcourt.org/
Organisation staffed by volunteers who can help you file a petition by yourself.

www.atjf.org.uk/
Same sort of organisation.

to you too. Your family sucks.

Fenellapitstop - that does sound hurtful. Have you never had a close relationship with your sisters, or is this new behaviour on their part?

I'm so sorry OP, that is really pants!! My brother and I were really close til he got married - now I'm lucky if he remembers to wish me happy birthday. Families are supposed to be there for each other. I really hope you manage to enjoy a belated Christmas/New Year with your children anyway.

In all honesty, I would remember this when they almost inevitably have a relationship problem and want to lean on you. Make yourself as available to them as they have been to you. 💐

It sounds as though your family is a bit divided generally tbh. It seems odd to me that they would have seperate NY parties if they both live close enough to you- and therefore each other- for inviting you to be practical.

Probably someone will set me straight that this is normal, I'm not a party haver!

@SilverDragonfly1 presumably they have very separate friendship groups that they'd rather see the new year in with

That's a good explanation! But it does suggest to me that maybe the sisters are not that close to each other either and this is normal for them. So they are not very interested in being close to OP and find her (reasonable IMO) hopes for emotional help unreasonable.

Not inviting her to either party is very unkind and pointed.

Your sisters are being shit. Do you know why? Old family dynamics? Is there one you are closer to/get on better with that you can sit down with and talk to calmly about this?

@SilverDragonfly1 I guess it depends on how much OP relies on them emotionally. I read it in the same way as you, that they're probably not that close.

I love my sisters and would do anything for them (5 in total) but I couldn't tell you what any of them did for NYE.

YANBU, they don't sound great op.