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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday Fallout...part two!

30 replies

Starleaf · 01/01/2020 18:42

I last posted back in September 2017. Post was titled Holiday Fallout. I was on holiday abroad in a s/c 2 bed apartment with my close friend and her two grown up daughters. There was a massive falling out between us over her birthday, which resulted in her and the kids leaving me alone each evening while they got ready and went out for dinner.

Fast forward to the week before Christmas 2019.
There has been no contact between ex friend, youngest daughter and myself. Her eldest daughter stays in touch with me via messenger though.

I was out with some friends, who are still friends with ex friend on FB, but haven't seen her in years. Anyway one of them shows me a picture of ex friend with past and present staff at place I worked, all out for dinner.
It really upset me at the time as I was a member of that group, and always enjoyed the get togethers.

Christmas came and went, and yesterday one of the group messaged me wishing me a happy new year. I mentioned that I was aware there had been a get together before Christmas, and asked who'd arranged it.
It had been arranged by ex friend, something she'd never done in all the years I knew her. I think she'd possibly arranged it on purpose cutting me from the group.

AIBU to feel upset that a) She is being a bitch. She often chose not to go to the get togethers using lies as her reasons for not going, now she's arranging them.
and b) That nobody from the group thought to mention it or invite me.

I realise the group have possibly been out before this without me knowing, but seeing the picture with ex friend right at the front smiling like a Cheshire cat has really upset me.

OP posts:
wishingitwasfriday · 01/01/2020 18:44

If you had arranged the night out, would you have invited her?

Nicknacky · 01/01/2020 18:45

So 2 years after you fell out, she had a night out with people she knows? What do you expect her to do, either not go out or to invite you even though you don’t speak?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 01/01/2020 18:47

So you still work there but she doesn't and arranged a get together with her ex colleagues?

If they had mentioned it to you, would you have gone?

I can understand why you are upset but at the same time I'm not sure you can do anything about it. It's unlikely she will make such arrangements regularly. Why not arrange your own night out without her?

kleew1 · 01/01/2020 18:48

YABU and could have arranged a night if you wanted to see those people so much.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 18:49

She's going to be sat at the front smiling if she's having a good night.

If you're going to be upset at anyone be upset at the friend who showed you the picture because she knew it'd hurt you.

If you were bothered about seeing these old friends why didn't you arrange a meal?

CalmdownJanet · 01/01/2020 18:49

Yabu, it was 2017, she arranged a night out with friends in 2019, you haven't spoken, why would she invite you? Why would they invite you? You need to let it go, the Cheshire cat comment is just bitchy

sonjadog · 01/01/2020 18:51

I don´t see the problem. She arranged a night out and didn't invite you as you are not friends any more. If you want a night out, arrange one yourself.

Starleaf · 01/01/2020 18:52

I wouldn't be able to invite her personally as she blocked me back in 2017! I would let other members of the group know it's not a problem for me if they want to let her know a get together is planned.

There are 10+ in the group, so I wouldn't have a problem her being invited.

OP posts:
ForMySorrow · 01/01/2020 18:53

So two years later ex friend invites group you no longer work with out for tea?

Nicknacky · 01/01/2020 18:53

But why would she invite you? You don’t speak to each other.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 01/01/2020 18:54

Jesus was that really over 2 years ago? I remember that thread!

You need to maybe get over it now op, she had a meet up with friends over 2 years after you fell out. It's not about you.

selmabear · 01/01/2020 18:55

I can understand why you're hurt but I don't think the night out was to spite you. You're fall put was back in 2017 not last month. She clearly was never going to invite you. I'd say the rest of the party didn't invite you because you're ex friend planned the get together and they are aware of the fall out. Move on OP.

ivykaty44 · 01/01/2020 18:55

You haven’t seen her for two years and you think she purposely organised a dinner...not because she wanted to see anybody but because she wanted to deliberately organise and event to leave you out..?

I very much doubt you are important enough in her mind to do that

Igotthemheavyboobs · 01/01/2020 18:55

Don't know where the maybe came from there Confused should have just been, you need to get over it now.

strawberry2017 · 01/01/2020 18:58

I think you need to move on and accept that she might see these people occasionally but it doesn't mean you can't have a friendship with them.
She doesn't seem like someone you would want to be friends with again anyway. But it's one night out and it's really not worth getting upset about.

Starleaf · 01/01/2020 19:02

She no longer works with these people either. The majority of the group are ex employees.
I suppose I'm more pissed at others who have been out, and excluded me because of her.

I have been out with them once last year, she was invited but didn't go, along with a couple of others that couldn't make it.

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 01/01/2020 19:05

Move on , arrange your own meet up if you’re bothered about seeing the rest of them

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 19:07

They may not have even known who else she was inviting. Stop being angry at everyone and just arrange your own meet up.

Nicknacky · 01/01/2020 19:09

They haven’t excluded you. They don’t need to invite you to every night out they are having, especially which someone you aren’t friends with.

It isn’t all about you. You don’t own these friends.

Spitsandspots · 01/01/2020 19:19

I'm more pissed at others who have been out, and excluded me because of her

They may have assumed you had been invited, and not have known you weren’t until the night, or that you were but didn’t want to go. They haven’t all excluded you.

Properfatty · 01/01/2020 19:22

I wouldn’t invite someone I wasn’t speaking to to a night out.
It’s just a night out two years after you last saw her. I doubt this is her master plan to get back at you after all this time.
Just forget about it

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2020 19:25

I remember the thread. It was awful. Your friends didn’t exclude you on this occasion though. It’s sometimes hard to keep track of who’s going. People are busy, remember. It’s Christmas. They probably didn’t even notice.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2020 19:29

Why are you wasting any emotional energy on this. It's completely non-value add, over two years ago and you still haven't let it rest??

Sorry but you sound like really hard work.

2020 needs to be the year you give zero fucks and make other friends.

Ginger1982 · 01/01/2020 19:37

You've seen these people once in the last year?? Forget it. Move on.

2020maddog · 01/01/2020 19:49

Op, please can you link the 2017 thread?

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