DS and his ex

[Angryordisappointed64]

My DS split with his girlfriend of 6 years about 2 months ago.
They have been seeing each other for sex in my house since the break up and I’m not happy about this.
It just seems wrong that while I’m in the house, he’s inviting her round and having sex with her upstairs. When she comes over, she doesn’t even say hello, they just go straight upstairs for sex. To me, it just feels invasive and inappropriate using my home for this arrangement.
AIBU to put my foot down and say that she’s not allowed to come over as it’s making me uncomfortable?

I'm not surprised that it's making you uncomfortable. It seems very crude and disrespectful to me, and I think you're absolutely within your rights to say that it must stop. Depending on DS's age, I might relax 'never' to 'not when I am home'.

Your house, your rules.

I'd be putting an end to this nonsense immediately, and if he doesn't like it he can move out. Which he should, anyway.

How old is ds?

Yuck. Put your foot down

Wrong on lots of levels. It’s disrespectful to you, but also you don’t know the situation between them - he may be stringing her along with her hoping for a reconciliation, so I’d be worried his morals might also be a bit skewed.

What would you prefer? She comes in and talks to you for 10 minutes and then goes upstairs for sex?

I’m assuming if he’s lived at home when they were together they already had regular sex at yours anyway.

I’m not sure why it bothers you so much.

Ds is 22 and his ex is 20

Maybe they might get back together properly? If you can’t hear them and he’s a good live in son generally (pays rent? Cleans? Washes own clothes?) I’d be tempted to turn a blind eye personally.

Have you talked to him? If not you need to tell him and draw up house rules.

Any visitor to my house that ignores me is rude.

And I think you need to have a chat with your son.

Give him knocking shop rates.
Yanbu to tell them to book a hotel.
My ds's are allowed relationship partners home only.

Interesting responses, thank you.
@Fairylea he pays rent but does nothing else.

@Livelovebehappy she split up with him because she was angry at him about something and she’s made it quite clear she doesn’t want to reconcile. When my son told me about their arrangement, I was concerned about her using him but he says he’s happy with the arrangement that they have and that as it’s consensual and legal, I should ‘butt out’

Unless your being asked to join in with sex, I’m not really seeing the issue??

Obviously if your son is an arsehole I can see why you’d be annoyed but if he’s a good child generally then really what is the issue?

Threads like this make me so glad I had relaxed parents when living at home

WTF? This is so not ok, whether they are broken up or not. So not acceptable, and since it is your house, it is up to you how things work in it.

She split up with him, but is coming round for regular sex? That sounds very odd to me, as well as being wrong and very rude to you.
Is she hoping to get pregnant and leech off your son?
I would have word with him about the whole situation and put a stop to the fuck visits.

I’m going to ask him about contraception. Yes he’s an adult but at least I’ll rest easier knowing that pregnancy is unlikely

She split up with him, but is coming round for regular sex? That sounds very odd to me,

A lot of people have sex with an ex. They know the person and there’s familiarity. It’s very common.

.as well as being wrong and very rude to you.

How is that in any way rude? She’s not fucking OPs son on the sofa in front of her.

Is she hoping to get pregnant and leech off your son?

Don’t know anything about her but yes that’s every woman’s goal

Gross. Put your foot down! He's old enough to move out if he wants a shag pad

Dear god, YANBU! If he wants a shag fest, he can go elsewhere, like her house! Definitely tell him to get lost.

I understand the not being happy about it in your house but he is 22. If he's not inviting her around he'd probably be bringing God knows who back after a night out so it's probably better than that set up.

I had a similar thing with an ex bf who I'd gone out with for several years at uni. After uni he moved back with parents and we'd hooked back up after a couple of years apart (me travelling). His mum told him straight she wasn't happy about him "using girls" girls being me and in her house. We are now married with 2 children, no one was being used. Oh and I most definitely wasn't trying to get pregnant in my early 20s, the sex was great and it kept my number down, far better than sleeping around.

I'd not be happy it in my house though now I'm a parent...! I get both perspectives.

I'm surprised so many people would be ok with this. I have two ds of a similar age and I can't imagine either of them doing this.

Having a girlfriend stay overnight - fine.

Having a FB make awkward eye contact on the way upstairs and then leaving half an hour later - not fine imo.

I think I would feel quite awkward while they were upstairs. Like I couldn't go upstairs for the duration incase I heard them or bumped into one of them on their way to the loo after. It's grim. If he wants to shag with impunity he needs to move out.

Her parents won’t allow it in their house as they’ve always been quite strict. So unfortunately, sending them to her house doesn’t seem to be an option!

The car is their only option then, assuming they have one lol. At least it goes dark early at the moment .

It's odd that he'd discuss this with you!