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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a little peed off

55 replies

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 15:54

Just to make this very clear i adore my DSS i have been his stepmum for over 12 years he is 13.

So DSS has been here all over Christmas which is great his DM picked him up last night to go to a family party as weren't doing anything as DH has been ill for a few days and hasn't been out of bed.

DSS was supposed to be with him DM until Friday morning so because we've been stuck in the house and i am losing my mind me & DH had planned a day out tomorrow which i have VERY much been looking forward to.

DSS calls this afternoon can you pick me up i want to go out and my mum has a hangover and won't give me a lift to your end of town. Yes absolutely fine with me thinking we'll run him back later on. DH came home to tell me DSS is now staying normally this would not bother me in the slightest but DSS was up until stupid o'clock this morning will no doubt not go to be at a reasonable time tonight he won't wake up until lunch time tomorrow and even if he did wake up in the morning he won't want to come for a day out with us if we tried to make him he would just moan all day and it grates and he won't be left alone so that's our plans for the day ruined and tickets I've brought gone to waste.

We have him over 90% of the time we are very close i really do love him a lot but i was very much looking forward to just 1 day out of the house doing something we want to do.

I wouldn't and couldn't refuse him to stay because this is his home but i instantly felt so depressed. I think it is just because i have been cooped up in the house since Christmas eve and i need to get out.

AIBU to feel like this. I obviously wouldn't show my disappoint infront of DSS but just wish DH could see i need a break away from the house after being at his beck and call for days whilst he has been ill 😩

OP posts:

TheReluctantCountess · 01/01/2020 15:57

You can still have your day out. Just leave dss at home.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2020 15:58

You need to tell him that he's welcome to stay but that he'll be going to bed at a reasonable time and going out with you and his dad tomorrow.

Otherwise contact a friend and see if they want to go out with you instead.

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 15:59

@TheReluctantCountess DH wouldn't leave him at home alone whilst we are a good hour away. He isn't yet very independent and i think we'd worry to much and feel like we'll need to rush to get back

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 01/01/2020 15:59

Leave him food and head off for your day out. I'm sure he'll be happy to have the house to himself for a few hours.

RandomMess · 01/01/2020 15:59

Drop him back at his Mums?

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2020 16:00

He's 13. Just because it's his home, doesn't mean he gets to rule the roost.

Ineedaweeinpeace · 01/01/2020 16:01

What time are you leaving/returning?
Does he have a mobile Op? LOL I know of course he does!

If you go early he won’t be awake until ....
Then you’ll return and he’ll
Only have had to send for himself for 4? Hours? I’m sure he has a PS Xbox etc...

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 16:01

@RandomMess i have messaged his mum but she now has plans which pissed me off even more to be honest considering she's seen last night for the first time since 20th December

OP posts:

Canadianpancake · 01/01/2020 16:03

Just explain your plans and let him make his choice. He can come with you and enjoy it or be dropped back at his mum's on the way out.

MynameisJune · 01/01/2020 16:03

What would you do if he was biologically yours? Married parents don’t tend to get a break from their DC especially during holidays.

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 16:05

He has PS4 but he broke it last week in a fit of rage because he was losing at a game. He has a mobile phone but will just be bored and will keep ringing hence the feeling of needing to rush to get home.

The day out we have planned is at a Victorian living museum (fake Victorian town basically with old shops) he 100% won't want to come on that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 16:07

@MynameisJune i have no DC of my own and have stepped up 110% as a step parent. If i knew he was going to be here i would of booked a family day out which i normally do but as he wasn't due to be here we booked something we'd like to do.

It isn't him i need a break from he is a great kid i just need to get out of the house and was particularly looking forward to going to this certain place as I've not yet been and have wanted to for ages

OP posts:

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 01/01/2020 16:07

He either comes out with you tomorrow, on your terms (so when you say it’s time to go) or he stays home by himself, whether he likes it or not. That’s my attitude towards my eldest child (youngest can’t be left home alone). No way does a child get to dictate if I have a day out like that.

ssd · 01/01/2020 16:09

It's not dss ruining your day out, it's his mum. Can your dh talk to her?

maddening · 01/01/2020 16:11

Tell him he has to go to bed reasonable and come with you tomorrow.

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 16:11

@ssd he won't cause an argument and i wouldn't want him to because it would feel as though we were trying to get rid of ss and that's not the case.

OP posts:

ohfourfoxache · 01/01/2020 16:12

Leave him at home with DH and take a friend.

sam221 · 01/01/2020 16:15

Maybe you could go with a friend instead, I know that it's not an ideal solution but at least you could still have a day out.
Leave DH and DSS together for a day in and they can potter together.

Ineedaweeinpeace · 01/01/2020 16:16

the OP isn’t blaming her SS at all.

Has he stayed at home alone before OP? Are there any friends he could go to for the day or GP’s or even just neighbors who’d keep an eye?!

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 16:18

Normally if this kind of thing happened my Dsis would have him because he is very close to my nephews but she is unwell so i have also had my nephews quite a bit lately overnight also.

Since DH has been unwell he's not been out of bed apart from having a bath so I've had no adult conversations just had DSS and my 2 nephews who are 13 and 15 and trust me i think i am now a fortnite expert it's all they talk about and football so i was just more than usual looking forward to spending time out the house with DH going somewhere we've wanted to go for the last couple of years but haven't got round to

OP posts:

gamerchick · 01/01/2020 16:19

Leave him and bloke at home. You can vent all you want but unless you make a decision you're going to be stuck in tomorrow. It's that simple. They can have some bonding time.

I'd be telling your bloke about how you feel though, you need time to yourselves whether it's biologist kids involved or not. Teenagers are not littlies.

Drum2018 · 01/01/2020 16:24

Do you have a friend who could go with you instead?

tensmum1964 · 01/01/2020 16:27

Not ideal.but go with a friend.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 01/01/2020 16:32

I think your husband needs to stand up to the ex and tell her that she can't just change plans at the last minute like that. I realise it's too late for that now but it would drive me nuts my plans being messed with like that. But definitely don't stay at home - take a friend.

Original poster

Myheadisamess31 · 01/01/2020 16:43

@chocolatesaltyballs22 i has really annoyed me but i am so used to it now. I don't normally get this annoyed to be honest.

I have thought about messaging and asking a friend but I'd feel really shitty doing that.

Think I'll just have to cut my loses and suck it up

OP posts:

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