To feel sad about SILs pregnancy

[Sparkle2020]

Started my period after a 40 day cycle today (had been convinced I must be pregnant as always 28 days usually), so now onto cycle 16 ttc and found out my partners sister is pregnant. Ended up having a bit of a breakdown at work and feel so selfish. Haven’t shown my partner I’m upset as he’s very excited to be an uncle, but I feel like such a bitch. Who cries over someone else’s happy moment?? I just feel so empty

YANBU. Being unpleasant to your sil would be unreasonable, but feel quietly heartbroken inside is totally undetstandable.

Hope things will look brighter for you soon.

I know how you feel, this happened to me too. Being down about your own situation doesn’t make you a bar person, it’s bound to affect you.
hopefully you’ll get your own good news to celebrate soon

You’re not a bitch or unreasonable to feel sad for yourself, you’re having a shit time. Logically you know there’s no limit on babies and her getting pregnant has no impact on you getting pregnant but it’s normal to be feeling frustrated and sad and you should share your feelings with your partner.

TTC is a horrible process. Firstly, you’re not a bitch, you had a moment to yourself to deal with the news, you’ve even kept your feelings from your partner so definitely not selfish.

It took DH and I two years to conceive and it really did show me a side of myself I never knew I had. The jealous side - there seemed to be pregnant women everywhere and I was so envious all the time. The depressed side - constantly questioning what was wrong with me, why couldn’t I get pregnant etc and I was just down all the time. And the angry side - after 18 months I was just fucking furious. I was so sick of timing my cycles and making sure we did everything correctly without success.

When you decide to have a baby, you think it’s just going to happen and when it doesn’t it’s bloody hard.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, and good luck TTC. Now you’ve had your own breakdown over your SIL’s news, you may find it easier to deal with. But you haven’t done anything wrong, you’re grief is for something you want and that’s perfectly normal, it’s not about your SIL.

Oh lovey you're only human. Hoping you get a BFP soon.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Good luck for the future x

You are being unreasonable but thats the nature of the beast when it comes to infertility. You know but can’t help it - so forgive yourself, plaster a big old fake smile on your face, and fake it til you make it.

I would have felt the same and also felt guilty about it. Its just your natural emotions, TTC is really hard. Best of luck

PS it was cycle 17 that worked for me and as far as I know there was no particular reason, it just takes ages for some of us, even if we don't have diagnosed fertility issues.

I find it sad that 15 percent of voters find a perfectly natural human sadness unreasonable.

This happened to my my sil got pregnant with her third after dp and I had been trying over a year.
I had to leave the room as I burst into tears.
I fell pregnant about 7 months later I thought it was never going to happen. I’m now pregnant with my second!

I’ve definitely been there

It may be helpful to reframe this as, ‘My SIL is pregnant and I’m feeling so sad that I’m not (yet)’

I hope you are successful soon. Your future family will have cousin/s and you will have DN to enjoy.

My DSis announced her pregnancy when I had just had my 3rd miscarriage (IVF) I hugged her, congratulated her then cried in private. DN was born on what would have been my due date.
Totally normal for you to be upset but please get support from your DP, you shouldn’t have to hide your feelings from someone you love.

YANBU, you're human. Ttc is stressful and it's hard when it seems like others can do it when you can't. Hope you get your BFP soon

My DD took 5 years and a round of IVF so I had to deal with many pregnancy annoucements in that time. Happy and sad aren't always mutually exclusive, you can be incredibly happy for someone else but incredibly sad for yourself at the same time. Congratulate in public cry in private it's ok to feel how you feel

Yanbu.
You can be happy for her and sad for you at the same time.

It’s a horrible feeling but totally understandable. I remember breaking down at work when DH phoned to say our friends were expecting (What was he thinking?). It’s ok to be sad for yourself. It took us 5 years in the end but we got there.

Thanks everyone. Honestly just feel so horrible. I was at work when I found out and spent a good few hours just silently crying away to myself, and it makes me feel so selfish to be crying over something like that. It’s like month after month all I bloody think about is my fertile window and my 2ww and I just want one month where I can either switch off from it or to just get my bfp.

It feels like everyone else gets pregnant so easy doesn’t it! Like she wasn’t even trying at all 🥺 wish it was the same for me

We tried for dd for four/five years and it almost broke me; I’ve never experienced such physical bitterness or jealousy. It’s a hard learning curve about yourself but it’s also completely normal. You’re allowed to be sad, angry, and jealous so long as you understand this isn’t taking anything away from you. She’s not having your baby and you can process this and find your place to be comfortable with it.

I always found family pregnancies much harder than anyone else’s. I don’t really have any family so I think I felt further and further removed from DP every time his family got a little bigger and didn’t feel like I had a place.

It was all wrong really but you can’t help what you instinctively feel

You aren’t being unreasonable at all. I had 3
Miscarriages in 2019, literally everyone I know seems to be pregnant or have a small baby. Including my sister and two of my best friends. It’s really hard and I just had to take a step back. I told them congratulations etc but in the end just had to keep my distance for a while. My niece is 3 months old now and I love her dearly but the whole being around pregnant people was horrible. Put yourself first

Absolutely YANBU. You feel, and are allowed to feel, however her news makes you feel. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you don't have the same happiness in your life, & wish you did. It doesn't mean you wish bad things for her, or want to take it away from her. Be kind to yourself, & try to talk to someone in RL so that someone knows you are struggling with this conflict. I have been there. I imagine quite a few women have.

Not a bitch at all! Hubby & I spent a long time in the dark tunnel of infertility & it seemed that every single person we knew got pregnant or had a baby during those years - it was utter hell & I cried A LOT! I definitely felt like a bad friend & a bitch on many an occasion. No-one knows what it's like if they haven't been through it. Be kinder to yourself. X

We were TTC for 3 years and in that time some of my friends were on their second pregnancies even though they had tried for their first after us. It’s hard but fingers crossed you will get there. Have you had any tests?

YANBU to feel gutted 💐
YWBVU to show that to SIL but I get the feeling you know that and never would.

Everyone’s journey is different and TTC for 1-2 years is pretty normal. Friends of mine took just over 1 year to conceive when they were both early 20’s, fit and healthy! SIL may have been TTC for some time but not mentioned it. Xx

I also think you're not being unreasonable at all. It's devastating when all you want is a baby and it seems to be happening to everyone else but you. I have been there and actively avoided all pregnant women and babies because I couldn't handle it. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you get your positive test soon!