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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what is a reasonable amount of screen time for teenagers and should I even be monitoring/ restricting it?

42 replies

Notenoughbookshelves · 01/01/2020 07:49

It’s a frequent point of discussion/ argument in our house. They’d be glued to their devices all day if I let them. 15 and 16.

OP posts:

Holdingtherope · 01/01/2020 07:54

I have no idea and would love the answer to this

Fairylea · 01/01/2020 07:57

When dd was younger we used to make her leave her phone downstairs to charge at 10.30pm otherwise she’d be on it all night but at 16 I think you just have to let them get on with it. Dd is 16 (lower sixth) and we don’t give her any restrictions. Their phones are their social life, well a huge part of it. If you try and limit it or put time restrictions on it you are just isolating them. Mumsnet is very strict about screen time compared to real life so I expect you’ll get a lot of people telling you otherwise but I genuinely think by 15/16 you have to let go. They need to learn if they stay up all night they still have to go to school etc and feel crap for it. It’s a learning process.

Foghead · 01/01/2020 08:02

At that age, I’d negotiate some rules and limits with them if they can’t self regulate.
Especially if it’s affecting their mental health, schoolwork and interaction with family.
Those things have to be a priority.

thejollyroger · 01/01/2020 08:03

I think you know it’s bad for them to have unlimited access. Do they know that? If you asked them how much phone time they would consider reasonable for a friend or for their own child, what would they say?

No phones in bedrooms overnight would be a definite in my house. A limit of a few hours a day for the 15 year old. The 16 year old, it would depend who paid for the contract.

BeyondMyWits · 01/01/2020 08:08

What do they have available to do if they are not on screens?
What do you do for downtime?
What do you do together during any downtime?

In our house (girls now 17 and 19) when they were those ages, for instance - they could sit glued to their devices whenever they wanted. They did know though that their room needed to be clean and tidy, mealtimes needed to be helped with and the dog needed to be walked (exercise every day) and some schoolwork and/or revision needed to be done - these were a given, every day.

We watch a series or 2 together on the telly (joint screen time) a couple of times a week, we have a board game night on a Wednesday, they go out with friends on a Friday or Saturday, we go to the leisure centre once or twice a fortnight - swimming or badminton. They help cook/clean and do laundry - part of our job as parents is to raise independent adults (where possible).

Screen time is naturally limited because their days are full of more productive activities, but they still spend a fair amount of time glued to their screens like any teen.

Fieldofgreycorn · 01/01/2020 08:18

Difficult question to answer at the moment as there is conflicting evidence about the impact on mental health.

The WHO has issued guidelines for younger children, no screen time under 2. No more than an hour for 3-4 year olds.

That’s all we know for sure. I’d say for 15-16 year olds it’s more about are they doing enough of the other things as well rather than focusing specifically on number of hours of screen time. Like getting enough physical activity, eating healthily, doing their homework, sleep, seeing friends in real life, family time.

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 01/01/2020 08:33

Everyone’s phones go on to charge downstairs from around 930, no phones in rooms etc.
Also, as PP said, we have lots of activities during the week, so it’s usually only weekends when they’re on their phones/iPads etc.

My DD’s have an app, which gives them points for NOT being on their screens. Points mount up and turn into prizes like Cinema tickets. They’re pretty obsessed with that right now, so more off than on at the moment.

Newmetoday · 01/01/2020 08:34

Screen time for a 16 year old? Really? They can get married ffs

TeenPlusTwenties · 01/01/2020 08:39

With DD1 we restricted until after GCSEs.
Will do the same with DD2.

They may be able to get married at 16 New but in England that is with parents' permission. Most people would think getting married at 16 is not a great idea. At 16 they aren't thought responsible enough in England to drive, vote, by alcohol either.

bumblingbovine49 · 01/01/2020 08:41

My DD’s have an app, which gives them points for NOT being on their screens. Points mount up and turn into prizes like Cinema tickets.

Oh the irony of rewarding less screen time with a cinema visit

ForkThis · 01/01/2020 08:49

I couldn’t care less about screen time at that age tbh. They’re well old enough to sort themselves out.

Mintjulia · 01/01/2020 08:50

I find it’s easier to insist they do all their homework first - at least an hour a night. Then router off at 10pm and devices left downstairs on charge.

What they choose to fit in around that and weekend activities/chores is up to them.

MsChatterbox · 01/01/2020 08:58

Honestly I had unlimited access and I turned out fine. My mum was more concerned that homework was completed and I was taking part in sports. After that I was free to decide what to do.

Ted27 · 01/01/2020 09:14

At 15/16 I think they need to be learning to moderate themselves and in part it depends what else is going on.
I think a lot of people would be horrified at how much time my son spends on the phone/PS4. But - at weekends he is up and out for 7.45 to do a paper round so he gets a good 90 mins to 2 hours walk, he has to his laundry and bedding, homework then he's free to do what he wants. In the week he has at least one night, sometimes 2 at Scouts or his other club so won't be on the PS4 at all. If he is away at scout camp then no screens at all from Friday to Monday.

I have a few basic rules - no phones at the dining table, no PS4 after dinner, no devices in his bedroom.
He is very active, gets a lot of freah air and exercise, lots of other interests so I don't worry too much about how long, the issue here is more game ratings

Original poster

Notenoughbookshelves · 01/01/2020 09:31

So how much should they be aiming for?

OP posts:

RoseMartha · 01/01/2020 09:47

I think it depends on your dc. All kids are different. Do they do anything else? Have they a hobby that does not involve technology? Are they doing homework? Are they managing their time ok?

My dc do not have phones/ tech after 7pm but are a bit younger than your dc.

You could have a cut off point on a school night of 9.30 or 10.

Keeping busy with sports and other activities helps reduce screen time as they have another focus.

How about introducing family tv/film night and/or board game night.

Or once a week or once a fortnight a family day on a Sunday for example. Where you go out as a family or have a day in. Where they can have their phone on them and still check their phone when necessary but not be on it constantly.

sirfredfredgeorge · 01/01/2020 09:49

It's not about screen time, it's about having a healthy variety of activities.

Original poster

Notenoughbookshelves · 01/01/2020 09:53

Yes but screens are addictive and suck them in. Most teens I know( mine included) will ignore and do the minimum of other things if allowed to.When you read studies saying grades and mental health are better with restrictions it makes you want to be proactive.

OP posts:

BeyondMyWits · 01/01/2020 09:55

What do you do when you have downtime?

Foghead · 01/01/2020 09:56

It’s not about how much time they should be aiming for, it’s about what else is going on.
Are they
Getting homework and studying for GCSEs done?
Spending time interacting with family? Like having dinner together or watching tv together (yes it’s screen time but it’s still an activity that can connect you to others)
Are they doing chores?
Are they getting exercise?
Are they seeing friends and getting out?
Are they getting enough sleep?

Tackle those issues and the time on their phones will sort itself out.

Original poster

Notenoughbookshelves · 01/01/2020 10:00

Not enough work for GCSEs( how do you enforce more if they keep being sucked in to screens)evening meal together(20 mins), PtoB not enough exercise( how do you enforce more), chores take a few mins( as short as they can manage), not enough socialising as all live miles away, little to do with limited funds, sleep fine as I collect screens in.

OP posts:

hopefulhalf · 01/01/2020 10:05

Ds is 15 (yr 11). He plays football for a team, completed his D of E, did well in his mocks before christmas and has excellent predicted grades, played nicely with his younger cousins over christmas and was polite to various aunts, uncles and grandparents. He has helped his Dad out with various DIY jobs over the last 2 days while I've been working. He is going to my mum's tommorow to do various other activities. Honestly I don't give a monkeys.

newyearnewear · 01/01/2020 10:05

I have this problem too. The main issue for me is that DS stays up half the night and is a nightmare in the morning. As we live in a small house he wakes one of us up every night and then we struggle to get back to sleep. We have told them that on weekdays after the holiday the wifi will go off at 10 and his phone will be on charge downstairs.

EntropyRising · 01/01/2020 10:05

By 16 surely they should be self-regulating. I don't limit my 17 year old's screen time and I haven't for some.

BeyondMyWits · 01/01/2020 10:08

An evening meal takes more than 20 min to prepare though. They are mid teens, can they take care of themselves? (couple of years time they may have to) Could they cook once a week for now?

What exercise do you do? Could they join you?

Kids mirror their parents activity wise. If DH and I are sitting reading quietly, if we are playing a card game, if we are taking the dog for a walk in the woods - they will join us. If we are sat on the laptop/phone/telly - they will too.

Screens are addictive and pull them in, but only if there is nothing better or more pressing to do.

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