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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To love my husband?

80 replies

BadEyeBri · 01/01/2020 00:16

He isn't perfect. I probably do more "wifework" than I should. He's sometimes a bit pester-y for sex. He drinks a bit too much. He's the most self centred creature I've ever met. He swears and is a huffy bastard.
But he lets me use him as decompression when I've had a bad day. He loves all the many (many) animals I've filled the house with. He's never pressured me for kids. He moved to a different country just for me. I've never once doubted that he loves me.
So many posts I read could be written by me about him on a bad day. So many advising LTB. AIBU to love the bastard?

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 01/01/2020 01:18

I thought I was relatively equal before kids, in my relationship, in my job, life in general. I did more "wifework" but it didn't seem to matter as I still had time to do the things I wanted to do as well. It affected me so much more as a mother than it did before.

This for me too. But if you’re both happy, good luck to you.

Original poster
BadEyeBri · 01/01/2020 01:21

@DavetheCat2001 to rouse the Patronising Patricias. Those whose lives are so perfect that they can gaze on us mere mortals with distaste and pass judgment from on high. Those whose shit does not stink.
Awk I know I'll not stop them but I'm a bit pissed and sometimes it's fun to poke the hornets nest. But then what would I know with my low bars, self esteem issues and, apparent Stockholm Syndrome.
Happy New Year

OP posts:
Thunderclearstheair · 01/01/2020 01:21

Creepster I got told ten years ago when I first joined to LTB by a well known poster.

I’m glad I didn’t as I’ve had a really good life with him . Yes obviously when there is DV and AB but some times it’s a stock answer.

Original poster
BadEyeBri · 01/01/2020 01:23

@Creepster when has anyone ever got help on AIBU? All you get here is your arse on a plate.

OP posts:
antlady · 01/01/2020 01:24

I actually have one that is pretty ok & very hands on. I think this is largely because his dad was the stay at home parent so he doesn't see housework etc as just wifework. What we do struggle with though is the amount of couples we know where the wife does everything on top of working. One wife occasionally goes away to visit her family, food is prepped, cooked, & portioned off for her DH in the fridge/freezer as he's not capable of cooking dinner. Others do zero housework, others too fond of private dances in the strip clubs, others barely changed a nappy. DH sometimes feels it's unfair on him, why do so many woman put up with this crap?

Creepster · 01/01/2020 01:25

Perhaps you should put down the drink, pull your head out, and read some other threads.

antlady · 01/01/2020 01:27

I thought I was relatively equal before kids, in my relationship, in my job, life in general. I did more "wifework" but it didn't seem to matter as I still had time to do the things I wanted to do as well. It affected me so much more as a mother than it did before.

I agree with this, so many mothers I know are unhappy with their loss of their previous life/themselves but their DH get to carry on as if nothing changed.

Original poster
BadEyeBri · 01/01/2020 01:34

@Creepster oh I have read many, many threads. This is my response.

OP posts:
rudolfsquiffy · 01/01/2020 01:38

Do you have daughters OP?

SpaghettiSharon · 01/01/2020 01:39

@antlady I know many women like this too and it completely baffles me. However a number (not all, but a sizeable number) almost seem to revel in their husbands’ ludicrous inability to do anything and don’t trust them with the smallest of responsibilities and is ridiculous. When I go away, even when my kids were small, I packed a bag and walked out the door. The kids survived and their dad managed perfectly well - as he would have to if I got run over by a bus tomorrow!

Women are their own worst enemies sometimes!

MiniGuinness · 01/01/2020 01:40

Amazed by all the folks with perfect lives on MN. However do you do it?
We don’t settle for huffy, self-centered sex pests.

Thunderclearstheair · 01/01/2020 01:43

MiniGuinness maybe he is settling for you.. ever thought that..

Tigger001 · 01/01/2020 01:44

Yeah I made sure my DH (DP at the time) had the same expectations as myself with regards to housework, if/when we had kids and general responsibilities.

I could not have married someone who wasnt on the same page, his mum led a good example as did his father.

I think it may be easier for my generation though, as mostly we live together first so can see them sort of traits.

antlady · 01/01/2020 01:44

I agree & think sometimes maybe I just didn't get the memo. I know some that didn't leave the kids alone with their DH till there were 2.5, wtf! Of course their DH could cope but the wives just didn't want them too?

My mum was a SAHP but 2/3 times a yr went away with friends. Yeah we may have gone to school with shite looking plaits & questionable lunch box options but we survived.

Yestermost · 01/01/2020 01:47

Sounds a bit of a nob. Personally I would be happier on my own. My DH isnt perfect by all means but wouldn't put up with self centred and huffy for anything. Just thank fuck you haven't had kids because then its a whole different ball game.

Original poster
BadEyeBri · 01/01/2020 01:47

@Thunderclearstheair Bravo 👍🏻

OP posts:
SpaghettiSharon · 01/01/2020 01:51

Exactly @antlady - there is sadly a fair bit of martyrdom out there and it’s daft and unhelpful.

I’m lucky I have a good ‘un but equally I have always had high expectations and made sure he understood that and we were on the same page.

dottydaily · 01/01/2020 02:03

If you truly love someone you love them faults and all...no one perfect...it’s okay to love someone’s imperfections...you sound happier than a lot of couples so enjoy,don’t feel need to doubt yourself..enjoy and stay happy...

SantaHatHotTub · 01/01/2020 02:45

Ah that’s nice. He sounds like a lovely husband. 😊

eaglejulesk · 01/01/2020 03:14

Oh, you really must LTB!!! I'm joking of course. It's refreshing to hear someone who doesn't expect their partner to be perfect and can accept that people have irritating habits and faults - and who doesn't rush onto MN every time he does something irritating.

And before I get shot down in flames, I do realise that some of the issues people ask for advice on are serious - but many more are just ridiculous. Good on you OP, stay happy.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/01/2020 03:32

I admit as a divorced woman I do struggle to see why women stay with men like this, there's no way I'd want to be married to someone like you describe. Not because I have a "perfect" life, I'd just rather be single than with someone who is happy for me to do all the "wifework".

But, we're all different.

MiniGuinness · 01/01/2020 03:53

Thunderclearstheair. I do not measure my worth on a man though 😂Maybe my husband could get much better, I am lazy and I do shit all ‘wifework’ Luckily I have healthy self esteem though, so would not take a self centred sex-pest under any circumstances. Maybe my DH just loves equals and not downtrodden women....?

snowball28 · 01/01/2020 04:04

You had some gins OP? 😂

pallisers · 01/01/2020 04:09

He sounds like a lovely husband. 😊

he does???

It sounds like the OP is perfectly happy with him which is great.

I don't think most self-centered creature I know/bit pestery for sex/huffy bastard are most people's idea of a lovely husband but there you go.

MelroseHigginbottom · 01/01/2020 07:04

Some of these comments! Grin Everyone has a perfect relationship online don't they! Lol

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