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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to play dumb to implied demand

64 replies

8MinutesToSunrise · 31/12/2019 16:43

So I'm off sick and my little boy is with his dad/my ex today. Ex texts saying 'we will be at a+b's this evening'. I guess I'm asking aibu to play dumb and I pretend I don't understand that the translation for his message was 'I demand you pick ds up from my friends (they were our friends but ghosted me when he left) house because I'm having fun'. Why can't he just ask me if I mind. If he'd asked I'd have said sure, no worries. Even though it will be very uncomfortable for me. But the fact he didn't bother to ask just makes me want to stamp my feet! It's just basic politeness isn't it? I always make sure we're home for pick ups unless I've got a very good reason and I've asked him first.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 31/12/2019 17:51

If the normal arrangement is for him to drop dc back to you then that's what he has to do. Do not offer to pick him up and if ex does finally get round to asking then just say no as it's up to him to drop kids off.

BloggersBlog · 31/12/2019 17:51

Send @JacquesHammer's reply - back into his court!

flowery · 31/12/2019 17:53

I don’t understand though- was he due to drop DS off and is hinting for you to pick him up instead? Or were you due to pick DS up and he was letting you know the change in location?

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 31/12/2019 17:53

But were closer here

Does he thinks it’s less distance for you to go to them than for them to come to you? Confused

Tell him “exactly- so you can drop him off quicker”

ProfessionalBoss · 31/12/2019 17:54

@Obligatorync he hasn't asked though, that's the point...

sarahjconnor · 31/12/2019 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sushiroller · 31/12/2019 18:12

"Okay cool. Well let me before you leave to drop him off as I am I'll in bed"

RandomMoth · 31/12/2019 18:17

YABU as you havent said whether you were supposed to pick up from your ex (and he's just letting you know he's at a different, closer, location), or whether he was supposed to drop off.

Which is it?

flowery · 31/12/2019 18:18

Everyone seems to be assuming the arrangement was that ex would drop DS off but I don’t think that’s at all clear tbh.... If OP was expecting to pick DS up and ex was just changing the location to somewhere nearer them I think it’s not nearly as clear cut that he is BU at all.

wheretonow123 · 31/12/2019 18:19

Considering they ghosted you when he left I would respond saying who are they?

TheTrollFairy · 31/12/2019 18:21

He hasn’t asked so I wouldn’t be worrying if he expects you to pick up or not

RainbowAlicorn · 31/12/2019 18:23

I would reply well it will be closer for you to drop them off then.

paranoidmum2 · 31/12/2019 18:24

Why are you doing the pick up, OP? Why can't he drop DC home?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 31/12/2019 18:24

I’d just reply, ok il be in around x time drop him of anytime then.

22Giraffes · 31/12/2019 18:25

Why do people play these petty games when kids are involved? It's just sad.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 31/12/2019 18:29

Everyone seems to be assuming the arrangement was that ex would drop DS off but I don’t think that’s at all clear tbh.

It’s very clear. Op says he hasn’t asked her to collect DS. Why would he be asking her if the plan was for her to pick him up anyway?

RandomMoth · 31/12/2019 18:43

It's not very clear. If OP and her ex have a petty tit for tat thing going on then she may well be taking the position that she only had to pick up from his house and he needs to ask if he wants to change this.

OP hasnt come back to clarify....

TowelStripes · 31/12/2019 18:47

The plan was for her to get her son from her exs. He text her saying we are at friends tonight, not 'do you mind getting him from here' or 'just letting you know for pick up tonight' or something useful. She wants to play dumb so he says what he means next time.

aroundtheworldyet · 31/12/2019 18:51

Pick your battles. He’s a dick. You clearly know this.
You could say. I’m very ill I really need you to drop him off, if that’s the truth.
Or if not then I would do it. Just to bank it really.
It’s all about winning the war not the battle

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 31/12/2019 18:58

The plan was for her to get her son from her

I can’t see that anywhere.

RandomMoth · 31/12/2019 18:58

Well that's exactly the point isnt it! WireBrush says why would he be asking her if the plan was for her to pick up anyway. TowelStripes thinks it's obvious that was the plan but its rude not to explicitly ask.

OP hasnt been clear, but she has an ongoing choice here. She can be petty and difficult or she can rise above any silliness from her ex and just do what's best for DC. Who knows, if she's pleasant and helpful maybe in time he'll follow her lead and everyone will be happier.

Obviously if ex was supposed to drop off and he is now angling to change things that entirely different and he should jog on!

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 31/12/2019 19:00

if she's pleasant and helpful maybe in time he'll follow her lead and everyone will be happier.

😂😂😂

RandomMoth · 31/12/2019 19:01

You could say. I’m very ill I really need you to drop him off, if that’s the truth.
Or if not then I would do it. Just to bank it really.
It’s all about winning the war not the battle

This in spades. Or maybe even aim higher and try to get to a place where it's not a battle and you actually do each other favours. It is possible if both are willing.

RandomMoth · 31/12/2019 19:02

WireBrush why not? Or if not maybe who cares, maybe just be grown up for your own sanity and self respect

RemediosVaro · 31/12/2019 19:03

I think the OP implies that she was going to get her son from his house, and now her ex wants her to get him from the friends' house, and she doesn't want to because she's worried it will be awkward. But the friends' house is closer.

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