To think this isn’t my fault or problem?

[ColourfulPony]

CAO for ExH to see DD, who is young primary aged. 1 night a week from end of school and EOW.

The night a week switches to full day during school holidays (or if an inset day or BH falls on his normal day). He is not allowed to use childcare or leave her with family so if he can’t have her it defaults back to my problem.

He thought that DD was back at school this week (no idea why when he has the term dates), so is working on the day he’s due to have her. I am also working, so I booked her into holiday club and said he could pick her up when he finishes work.

Unfortunately holiday club have changed their plans and will now not be at where the club is held but are instead off on a daytrip. This means they won’t be back at the place the club is held until after what would be ExHs normal time to have her (school finishes at 3.15 so he has her 3.15-5.30, the trip won’t be back until 4pm). I told ExH that he either needs to book AL (which he apparently can’t as he’s not allowed leave in December and January – I don’t know if this is true or not) or she could go on the trip and he pick her up when they get back which he also can’t do as he doesn’t drive and had arranged a lift to where the club is held which he can’t rearrange.

I need the childcare, so if he’s not having AL to have her she will be going to the club. The trip is age appropriate for DD and she would love going, there is no option to stay behind plus it wouldn’t be fair to DD if she could as everyone else goes on these trips. The holiday club is open until I finish work and is the same price whether she’s picked up at 4pm by her dad or 5.30pm by me so I’m not worried. I could book AL though?

ExH is now telling everyone I am “making it impossible” for him to see DD. He was awarded no extra contact apart from full day in the holidays, he does get a bit extra contact over Christmas so actually had her twice last week due to Christmas Contact and his normal school holiday contact and he also had her this weekend so it’s not the absolute end of the world (to me anyway) if he goes a few extra days without seeing her.

AIBU?

Vote:
YABU – Should book Annual Leave and let him have DD as “normal”
YANBU – It’s his problem to either pick her up at 4pm or not see her

It was his day, he screwed up, you have had to sort out his problem & he is bad mouthing you.
He could wait at 3.15, & then walk, bus or taxi.... but is more interested in whining. Tell him to Fuck Off

HE fucked up on the holiday dates.
HE is working.
It's HIS day to have your DD.... see a pattern here?

Let HIM book the day or take unpaid leave, don't pander to him and give him an inch or he'll take a bloody mile.

I find it “funny”, that even here there are a lot of people telling OP to compromise so that this man doesn’t have to fix his own mistakes.

It’s not her job to hold his hand

I have had the 2020/21 holidays in my calendar for ages so his excuse really doesn't wash! He needs to take whats available or leave it, he messed up and you fixed his mess, I'm guessing its probably not the first time you have had to do this for him, so he should be grateful not accusing you of stopping him see his dd!

Can’t he get the lift as planned to the childcare club, hang around till 4 then take a taxi with her back to his?

So if he can't have her on his arranged days via a CAO - you have to facilitate, find and I assume finance day care?

And he thinks you are being difficult?!

I get what the judge said about consistency of care but imo too much is falling back to you.

Yanbu. Let her go on the trip. He can sort transport if he wants to see her. You are preventing it - he's not facilitating it.

You aren't preventing it. Sorry!