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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to reach out to friends at New Year?

30 replies

JDixon95 · 31/12/2019 13:50

Hi everyone,

I am just posting to ask for some advice about reaching out to friends at New Years Eve. I am impacted by a condition called Aspergers Syndrome that impacts my social functioning. That said, I very much do my best to overcome this and have quite a lot of friends who always say nice things to me when I speak to them - albeit, sadly, none of which I feel close enough to ask to be with them on NYE. It is a bit more difficult for me this year as my Grandad, who I was very close to, passed away from a stroke in July. I have spent the last 10 New Years Eve nights going out with my Grandad, so this year feels really difficult without him.

Could I please ask for advice on either reaching out to and asking some of my friends to join their celebrations or suggestions of anything I can do on NYE. I live quite near London. I am looking at seriously paying £329 for a River Cruise tonight just so I can be with people.

Thanks so much for any advice, I sincerely appreciate it.

tl;dr - How do I reach out to friends at New Year?

OP posts:
Original poster
JDixon95 · 31/12/2019 13:56

Sorry - I am not sure why there is a poll on here. I didn't mean to add one.

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 31/12/2019 13:59

I think it's worth getting in touch with friends to wish them a happy new year, maybe one of them will turn out to be at a loose end this evening or doing something informal they'd be happy for you to join. I'm sure they'll be sympathetic if you're honest about how you're feeling. I wouldn't fork out for the river cruise, though - you could end up feeling more isolated, at huge expense, if people there don't make the effort to engage with you. Hope you have a nice night whatever you decide to do, and I'm sorry about your grandad. Flowers

TyrionsNextWife · 31/12/2019 14:04

I would bite the bullet and say you’ll be on your own, can you can join them? If I got a message off someone who was going to be alone for nye my response would be ‘see you at 7, bring wine Grin’

Tonkerbea · 31/12/2019 14:04

Perhaps send a text to the friend you feel most comfortable with, asking what plans they have for tonight.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I hope you find kind people to spend the evening with.

bringincrazyback · 31/12/2019 14:11

Can't believe anyone's voted YABU on this. Biscuit

PuppyMonkey · 31/12/2019 14:16

You could try texting a few people “hi, hope you’re ok and had a great Xmas. Just found myself at a loose end tonight and wondering if you’re around to see in the New Year?”

What’s the worst that could happen?

Freshair89 · 31/12/2019 14:18

I would just send a text saying happy new year what are your plans tonight etc and start a conversation about it when they learn you don't have plans I'm sure you will get an invite

flowery · 31/12/2019 14:21

If I had someone in my life that I was even only a mild acquaintance of, and I knew they were going to be on their own, I’d be inviting them round here to play pie face with the dog

If your friends are nice people, they’ll do the same if they possibly can.

LonginesPrime · 31/12/2019 14:28

OP, you could download the Meetup app and find social events that are happening tonight.

There are lots of things going on for people who would otherwise be on their own, especially in London, and the people who go along to these things are keen to socialise.

Original poster
JDixon95 · 31/12/2019 14:43

Okay, thanks a lot everyone, I am just going to send something out to some people who I feel might be okay with me joining below:

'Hi___,

I hope that you had a great Christmas! I am just wondering if you are doing anything tonight for NYE, and would it please be possible for me to join you if you are? I haven't really made any plans for tonight. I spent the last 11 NYE nights with my Grandad, however, he passed away in the summer. I have been a little bit at a loss about what to do this NYE, but just really want to spend it with some friends.

Best wishes,

__'

OP posts:
Original poster
JDixon95 · 31/12/2019 14:46

Is what I have written okay, or does it sound a little formal? (sorry if it does, I tend to naturally write like that! :/ )

OP posts:
Pennyandthejets · 31/12/2019 14:47

I'm so sorry for your loss.

That message is perfect. Just reach out, I'm sure you won't regret it.

Happy New year x

DownWentTheFlag · 31/12/2019 14:48

I would cut out that last sentence. It’s too much.

DownWentTheFlag · 31/12/2019 14:49

Last two sentences, I mean. But I am sorry for your loss.

neverornow · 31/12/2019 14:49

Your message is perfect. I hope someone gets back to you and that you have a nice night.
So sorry for your loss Thanks

Original poster
JDixon95 · 31/12/2019 14:51

Thanks a lot. Just one quick question before I send it. My message doesn't sound 'needy' or as such does it? I don't want to sound that way at all. (the fact that I spent the last 11 years celebrating NYE with Grandad shows that I don't really like to 'put myself on to people' much!)

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 31/12/2019 14:52

Your message looks fine, OP. I don't do anything for NYE, but if you were my friend you would be more than welcome to come spend it with me in my home. I hope you find something to do!

PotteringAlong · 31/12/2019 14:53

The thing is, don’t get upset if you don’t get any takers. It’s 3pm on New Year’s Eve. Lots of places are ticket only on New Year’s Eve so it’s not as easy as adding one on or they might be going to someone else’s house so it’s not a case of just inviting you along. It’s fine to ask, but it probably would have been more successful if you’d done it 2 weeks ago.

milliefiori · 31/12/2019 14:54

That message is just right. I hope one of your friends is free. But if not, allow yourself to have a great night in alone - watch a film you love or have always wanted to see, eat some delicious food, have a long, luxurious bath and make a list of all the good things that happened this year and all the things you would like to do next year.

redcarbluecar · 31/12/2019 14:56

I think that’s a nice message; hope something good comes of it. Happy new year.

DonPablo · 31/12/2019 14:56

If one of my mates sent me that message, I'd have you round in a flash! But, if everyone is busy (events where is tisketed and sold out) don't blow the cash on a river cruise. I like pps suggestion of a great night in.

Happy New year.

HiggeldyPiggeldey · 31/12/2019 14:57

It sounds fine to me and not needy, just refreshingly honest. If I received that I would definitely ask you to join me for the celebrations.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Original poster
JDixon95 · 31/12/2019 14:57

Thanks everyone. Have reached out to someone. PotteringAlong, yeah, I know - I wish I did, and totally understand that this is last minute. I have sort of been dreading this night for quite a bit and putting it off really. I was just totally at a loss for it and had no idea what to do.

OP posts:
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 31/12/2019 15:00

So sorry for your loss op! I hope you have a lovely NYE whatever you do, I'd invite you over if I received that message. I tend not to do much as it's all a bit of an anticlimax but I always welcome company Smile

hazell42 · 31/12/2019 15:24

Do you really have to reach out?
Cant you just call or text?
Hey happy new year. What are you uo to?
Does it need to be more complicated than that

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