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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there needs to be a word between accident and deliberate?

88 replies

pumpandthump · 31/12/2019 09:46

Like careless but...more?

DH has broken something of mine which can't be replaced. It was deliberate as he didn't set out to break it, but nor was it an accident as whilst fairly unlikely, it could have been predicted.

I'm just angry at him and he thinks it's unjust as "it was accident".

OP posts:
PanicAndRun · 31/12/2019 13:39

Just because you didn't mean to do it doesn't mean it was unavoidable or you are completely blameless.

PickAChew · 31/12/2019 13:41

The remote control helicopter definitely comes under recklessness. Negligence would suggest a more passive role, like if the helicopter could fly itself but he hadn't made sure it was switched off.

FromIbizaToTheNorfolkMaud · 31/12/2019 13:43

Ugh. I’d certainly call that recklessness.

It’s not really the point, but don’t give up on the photo. Our local camera shop has had great success in using (I guess) photoshop-type technology to restore quite badly damaged old photos that have been crumpled, torn or had bits missing.

nonevernotever · 31/12/2019 13:45

He'd already agreed not to fly it in there because of the risks? That's heading well into deliberate negligence territory to me. He knew and had previously agreed not to but made a deliberate decision to carry on anyway.

I would be looking into specialist restoration of the photo and he would be paying. AS well as apologising.

Doobigetta · 31/12/2019 13:49

Negligence. No intention to cause harm, but it was reasonably foreseeable that someone’s action or lack of action would directly result in harm being done. Backed up by several hundred years’ worth of case law, if you can be arsed going to look for it.

HunnyMummy1993 · 31/12/2019 13:51

In the scenario you describe, that was deliberate recklessness.

He accepted it was highly probable that using the helicopter in the living room would lead to breakages. And then chose to use the damn thing in the living room.

You have every right to be Fucking furious.

Definitely look at specialist restoration of the photo. And he pays.

Booboostwo · 31/12/2019 14:09

Of course there are words.

Reckless is one that applies to culpable accidents. Recklessness also refers to the dispositional quality of being habitually unconcerned with the negative effects of your actions.
Negligence applies to culpable accidents where there is a specific duty of care.

One can also be culpable and non-culpable for mistakes.

BMW6 · 31/12/2019 14:45

I believe the word you are looking for is "Wanker"

PhilCornwall1 · 31/12/2019 14:49

I generally go for: Accident .. Twat .. Deliberate

candycane222 · 31/12/2019 14:57

Fuckwittedness may be the word you are looking for. Fuckwitted and fuckwittedly being the adjective (him) and adverb (his behaviour) respectively. Oh, and he is a fuckwit.

westendgirl780 · 31/12/2019 15:26

That’s not a fecking “accident” and him trying to pass it off as such is pathetic

Lifecraft · 31/12/2019 15:55

Reckless or negligent. While still an accident, it conveys the fact that it was preventable and a degree of fault.

You slip and fall while climbing a tree , accident.

If you'd been more careful, you wouldn't have slipped. So you were negligent. You shouldn't have climbed the tree unless you were sure you had the skill to do so safely, so you were reckless.

"Negligent" is not something that falls between accident and deliberate. It just describes 99% of accidents. Accidents happen usually because someone was negligent. Thousands of people reading this will have had a car accident. But 99% of those accidents will have been caused by the negligence of at least one of the parties involved.

Lifecraft · 31/12/2019 15:59

That’s not a fecking “accident” and him trying to pass it off as such is pathetic

The flying of the helicopter where it shouldn't be flown was deliberate. The breaking of the object was an accident. You cannot get away with those facts. But it was an accident caused by reckless behaviour and gross negligence.

BelfastNonBlonde · 31/12/2019 16:09

It’s reckless

Blackbear19 · 31/12/2019 16:20

Reckless is my answer!

You'd made a risk assessment that it was too dangerous, accident waiting to happen to fly in there, he went against that assessment and was reckless in his actions.

BeyondMyWits · 31/12/2019 16:20

accident > idiotic twattery > negligent stupidity > deliberate... the scale in our house...

JustASmallTownCurl · 31/12/2019 16:22

I would say negligent.

IMO it describes something caused by a lack of sensible / reasonable action that one would expect to have been taken.

JustASmallTownCurl · 31/12/2019 16:24

I guess examples would be (and this is just off the top of my head):

Accident - someone turns around in an unfamiliar room and coat knocks an unseen vase off a shelf injuring a child

Negligent - someone knows vase is left somewhere unsafe and has fallen before, lets child play near it and child is injured

Deliberate - someone hits child with vase in anger

MAFIL · 31/12/2019 16:30

Quite a number of years ago now we were told at work that we must no longer use the abbreviation RTA - Road Traffic Accident. Instead, it must be RTC, the C being for collision. The explanation given was that the word accident implies unavoidability and that most collisions actually are avoidable. At the time I thought this was ridiculous PC nonsense, but now I have been involved in a serious RTC I feel quite differently. Of course the other party did not intend to hit me. It was not deliberate. But it was avoidable. (They have subsequently been convicted, though unfortunately it is me who suffered the life changing injuries.) Now when I hear people refer to my "accident" it grates somewhat and feels like an attempt to minimise what happened to me. People talk as though it is just some nebulous unfortunate thing that occurred, whereas I see it as the negligent act of another person. Whatever the dictionary says, people tend not to attach blame to accidents, so it isn't a great word for everything that is not a deliberate act.
Pleas of "it was an accident" often seem to come from people seeking absolution for an adverse event that they caused, albeit not deliberately. There is definitely a spectrum of blame rather than the black and white view of accident vs deliberate act which seems to prevail.

gingerbiscuits · 31/12/2019 16:37

Sorry, but your husband is being an utter prick! He's arsey with you for being upset when you'd specifically agreed NOT to fly the helicopter in that room BECAUSE of all the breakable things. What a selfish dickhead. You have every right to be upset- I'd be bloody fuming! Hope you can restore your photo somehow. X

Fraggling · 31/12/2019 16:39

I'm sorry about your photo.

Your husband was an irresponsible arsehole and whining 'it was an accident' like a 10yo is adding insult to injury imo.

MerryMarigold · 31/12/2019 16:41

I say this all the time to my kids. If they run and slip on the tiles in our house and hurt themselves then it wasn't an accident. I'd they are chucking a ball around the house and it breaks a picture, it's not an accident. "But I didn't mean to" is not adequate. If you put yourself in a position where something is likely to happen then you have actively chosen to take that risk.

NumbersStation · 31/12/2019 16:45

I am withBMW6

I’d be raging at his thoughtlessness. He knew fine it could happen yet did it anyway.

TeaForTara · 31/12/2019 16:54

He already agreed that flying the helicopter indoors carried the risk of breakage. Yet he did it anyway. That's not an accident.

I think you should decide to tickle his balls with your sharpest kitchen knife. When drunk. What could possibly go wrong?

TeaForTara · 31/12/2019 16:56

Oh and the helicopter would also be meeting with a terminal accident.