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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to worry niece is being abused?

48 replies

catflapuk · 30/12/2019 21:00

Hello, I have a nearly 6yo niece and I think she is being abused by her mother, my SiL.

SiL is very shouty and often threatens violence. Over the years I have witnessed things like ' I will break you both legs', 'i will throw you off the balcony' and others. I live quite far away and am only there to visit every few months. Things came to a head for me when yesterday I got my niece dressed to go out and she cried saying 'mummy has hit me with the hair brush, she always does that'. Note: this would have been while combing her long hair as there is always drama around it.

I felt aweful and don't want to let her down. I had an abusive childhood myself and will have to work through it for the rest of my life. I'm so worried she will have the same fate I decided to text my brother -her dad- today with these examples. He seems unconcerned. Says that she doesn't get hurt physically and that 'this is how SiL's family talk'. He says that he and SiL had many discussions around it and doesn't see an issue as long as she doesn't get hurt physically.

AIBU to have said something and say something when I witness these things in the future?

OP posts:
Knoxinbox · 30/12/2019 21:05

YABU not to report to social services.

Emotional abuse is as awful as physical abuse whether she actually hits her or not

EmmaGrundyForPM · 30/12/2019 21:09

please report this. Emotional abuse is incredibly damaging.

CantKeepSecrets · 30/12/2019 21:13

If I ever witnessed anyone tell any child that they would break both their legs I wouldn't sleep at night until that child was removed. If it was my brother I'd be telling him he ought to be utterly ashamed of himself letting his daughter live in that sort of environment.

Report it, now. No child deserves to live in fear and as adults , regardless of relation or lack of, it is our responsibility to ensure we do the right thing for the children around us.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/12/2019 21:14

Please report it.

ohwheniknow · 30/12/2019 21:15

Threats of violence are acts of abuse.

Why have you not reported this child's on going abuse?

TheMustressMhor · 30/12/2019 21:16

Ring the NSPCC for advice.

Or go to nspcc.org.uk

TheMustressMhor · 30/12/2019 21:16

www.nspcc.org.uk

Doubletrouble99 · 30/12/2019 21:19

Your Sil's attitude to her DD is totally unacceptable and your DB should know better. Please report.

Thorn90 · 30/12/2019 21:20

Please protect this poor child and report to social services

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2019 21:24

Report it. She has said she's being hit with a hairbrush. YANBU to go around there and hit the fucking cunt with it and see how she likes it.

Original poster
catflapuk · 30/12/2019 21:24

I'm mortified. You are all correct. They don't live in the UK so different social services will need to be involved. I'm so shocked about myself. I know this isn't about me. But I worry I won't see her again in the future if I do report. I would probably have to let go of that bit of family I have. Sad

OP posts:
SingingSands · 30/12/2019 21:25

I wish my aunts had stepped in to help me when my mum was hitting me with the hairbrush or her shoes. Sad

I'm all grown up now, and I know it was her issues causing her behaviour, but I didn't know that when I was a scared and sad little girl.

You are in a position to help here - you must do so.

LadyLightning · 30/12/2019 21:26

This is abuse - it needs to be reported asap. As for your brother - what the heck?! You cant say this stuff to kids and expect them to be ok.

Selmababies · 30/12/2019 21:26

Does your brother not believe his daughter is getting hit with a hair brush? That's a psysical injury and abusive, let alone the awful threats of violence, which is emotional abuse.
Your brother is enabling this and is equally responsible as he is doing nothing to stop it.

1Morewineplease · 30/12/2019 21:27

Yes.. I agree with reporting .
Your brother is enabling this.
I’d also keep a record of incidents and what your niece tells you.

ohwheniknow · 30/12/2019 21:29

Would you rather face your niece as a broken, traumatised adult who can't understand why none of the people who were supposed to love and protect her could be bothered to act? Why nobody thought her worth protecting?

She confided in you. She's asking you to help her because she has no power to do anything but you do. Don't let her down.

enoughenough2 · 30/12/2019 21:32

Please report this

Original poster
catflapuk · 30/12/2019 21:34

I'm sorry for asking something so obvious.

OP posts:
Thinkingabout1t · 30/12/2019 21:42

catflapuk, I can understand you may be worried about making matters worse, eg if your brother and sil stop you seeing your niece. But really, how much worse can it be? Your sil must be a terrifying mother, and your gutless brother is failing to protect his child. This needs to be reported. If the are in a country that allows this kind of behaviour, can you enlist other family members to help?

Good luck. Your little niece needs you.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 30/12/2019 21:43

He says that he and SiL had many discussions around it and doesn't see an issue as long as she doesn't get hurt physically.

Over the years I have witnessed things like ' I will break you both legs', 'i will throw you off the balcony' and others.

He doesn’t find that concerning?

Rachelfromfriends1 · 30/12/2019 21:44

His daughter cries over this ffs this isn’t minor family banter

midnightmisssuki · 30/12/2019 21:46

Report it NOW!

Mamawingingit1234 · 30/12/2019 21:47

You’re doing the right thing now! Be there for your niece

WaggleWiggle · 30/12/2019 21:48

You’re doing the right thing to report your concerns. You really, really are. Staying quiet for fear of causing a rift or being wrong is why a lot of children suffer even though people suspect something isn’t right. You don’t have to leave a bruise or even touch a child to severely harm them.

Original poster
catflapuk · 30/12/2019 21:48

I'm aware he has already rationalised much of SILs behaviour. I feel sick witnessing it. My own mother treated me badly and my father did nothing. It's the same pattern.

I'm just a little unsure how social services in other countries deal with such reports. I know the UK system much better. I have told a friend about it and we are thinking of the best way forward.

I love my niece dearly. She is an amazing girl and I do not want to let her down. I do not want her to be in my shoes in 20 years time. My poor girl.

OP posts: