Anyone else's DH a lazy fucker or just mine?

[isitjustmine]

About to lose it with mine

Can't understand the logic behind his actions. Example, he just had a slice of toast, washed his own plate and left the rest of the pots in the sink. There wasn't much to wash, just a side plate and a couple of knives and forks. They were mine from about an hour ago. usually I wash my own dishes after eating straight away, but on this occasion I'd left them because DC was playing up at bedtime so I went up to him.

AIBU to think this is annoying, lazy & selfish!?

He needed the toilet, knew there was no roll up there so took one out of the packet on the way and left them on the stairs, rather than just taking all of them up

Did he put it on the toilet roll holder or leave it on the back of the cistern too?

Yes lazy fucker! And has blinkers on like my husband, does not see further than the end of his own nose. I'm quite jealous of that skill.
Am with you sister x

My DH has gone to bed early, there were clothes on the bed from us being away that need to be put away in the drawers , he put his away but not mine or the kids, just left them on my side of the bed and is now fast asleep - it fucking pisses me off

It’s not “lucky” to have a partner who isn’t a lazy fucker. That should be what’s expected in a dh.

Those examples are pretty petty though.

Mine isn't remotely a lazy fucker, but the one thing he does Every.Fucking.Day that drives me insane is open the post, and any junk mail, and just put it down in a scruffy heap wherever he happens to be. Important stuff mixed up with the crap, and no attempt to actually deal with it rationally, or let me know what's there that I might need to know, like, oh, I don't know, letters for me, or some of DDs UCAS paperwork... Argggghhhh
I have the rage just thinking about it now!

I'm sorry but everyone else saying it's just a plate or "at least he washed it" is insane. How selfish?! I'd be really annoyed.. it isn't a "single" household where you only clean up after yourself. I'd be tempted to only wash my dishes, clothes etc.
It'd have taken him 50 seconds to wash a few dishes.
I'd have preferred if he had just left his plate on the side.

Maybe not lazy rather inconsiderate, selfish and thoughtless .. just like my H who is the same as urs in every way to a T.

My dh does similar weird and to me, thoughtless, things, but he is not lazy. If i were to ask him to wash up, he would, without a murmur, so it's not lazyness.

With my dh there is something else going on and i think it's a sort of learned helplessness. His mother did so much for him around the house when he lived at home. The house was very much her territory and I know that when he tries to help there, she always tells him he's done it wrong, so i think he's just learned that whatever he does is wrong, so there's no point trying.
Added to that, is that i like things done a particular way, so I think my dh just carries on his learned helplessness here with me, which does annoy me at times, but then i read on mn of partners doing things spontaneously that would annoy the crap out of me (things like eating the food I'd planned for supper, or doing the washing and ruining a jumper, or hanging stuff on the line so the crease is in the wrong place), so overall i just accept that he won't do too much off his own bat, but is very willing to do stuff if asked.

I do that too. I clean up after myself and expect others to do so too. I only clean up after my elderly parents.

He is being lazy and you should call him out every time

Bit rich to call him a lazy fucker when he washed his dishes and you didnt wash yours

Considering the OP explained she left her plate to tend to the kids, she’s hardly a lazy fucker!

This would drive me insane, just from the sheer selfishness. Have we really set the bar so low that we applaud men for washing their own plate, even though they are very capable of seeing and therefore washing the other plate and cup by the sink? Crikey.

OP I’d be tempted to do the same to him and see how he likes it. Make one cup of tea. Dish up your dinner and leave his in the pan. Only put your things in the washing machine.

i think it's a sort of learned helplessness. I LOVE this phrase.
My DH isn’t lazy or selfish, but he does very little round the house without prompting. He simply doesn’t notice, or think it’s necessary.

I wouldn’t say lazy, I would say selfish, does he do his fair share with the children?

I left my lazy ex (for other reasons) there is now less housework for me to do! He created more mess than he sorted even though he was the pt worker!

We women are not born inherently knowing or giving a solitary fuck about doing the washing up, hoovering etc etc so I roll my eyes hard at people who excuse their adult DH’s laziness as ‘he just doesn’t notice things need doing like I do’ - bullshit. He’s incredibly aware the bathroom doesn’t magically clean itself but he doesn’t have to clean it because you do, every time. He has a job I presume, where he has to use some initiative, manage his own time? And yet when he comes home his intelligence switches off and he just doesn’t see the dishes that need washing? I don’t get it!

All of my husbands have been lazy bastards, I can't be bothered with men now. Occasionally I'd be late back from work and he's have to cook dinner, he'd cook only for himself and nothing for me, using plenty of lard as the main ingredient which would always be liberally spattered all over the kitchen. Never once cooked for me in 20 years despite me cooking hundreds of dinners.

Looking at the friends I have and their husbands I would say yes 60% of men are lazy fnckers.

Mine measures everything by money and knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. He is the major earner, big regrets ever going part time when they went to school as I have certainly learnt about paymasters and things like being a mum, or looking after the house ... all no price tag and the hit I have taken on my pension. Very rarely clears up, always leaves everything messy and untidy.

I agree with Bobbin Threadbare 123, it is symptomatic of other stuff: control, mysonginistic, out of date up bringing and of course weakness in myself to have put up with it.

So you didn’t wash your dishes immediately after using them (yes, I saw the excuse of the child playing up) but if he doesn’t wash up immediately he’s a “lazy fucker”. How is that fair?

For a lot of men, the house is female territory and responsibility - well, the bits of it involving boring grunt work - and they feel they're doing you favour washing their own plate!

My DH takes it to a different level by not using a plate or cutting board at all, 'to save unnecessary washing up', inevitably leaving both worktop and island crumbed up and spilt over and needing to be wiped down. He doesn't see that as his job - I think he just doesn't see it at all.

When he does wipe surfaces, he gathers crumbs and spills onto a cloth and leaves the cloth unrinsed and balled up in the sink to go fetid.

The next person to need a cloth (hint, me!) picks it up innocently and the crumbs etc spill out leaving muggins wiping round properly...

His DM does exactly the same! Who lives like that?

Yes he’s a lazy fucker.
My husband is also a lazy fucker and the little things like that drive me insane. The people who are saying he’s not a lazy fucker must be some of the few who have husbands that are not. If their husbands did that as a one off, of course it wouldn’t fill them with rage. If your husband is a regular slacker and general man child then yes, it will boil your piss.
Mumsnet is a very strange place where the wife almost always gets blamed for the husbands shortfalls, she must be an enabler you see

@PomBearWithAnOFRS my DH does exactly the same thing with opened post and it drives me nuts!

Another one here whose DH is certainly far from lazy, but seems to not see that things need doing without prompting. Like putting out the recycling that's piling up, or leaving an empty can of deodorant on the sink for 2 days rather than just putting it in the bin Having said that, he cooks dinner most nights and is very hands on with the kids so it is just thoughtlessness rather than laziness. Still irritating at times though!

Yes I would be annoyed too. It’s obvious you had your hands full with your child, and he would’ve known that you would usually wash up after yourself, but couldn’t. I’d have words with him.