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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting a break from my baby?

34 replies

TryTryTryAgain95 · 30/12/2019 19:04

I had my son in July and since then I’ve loved and spent every second with him, but the past week has been stressful and emotional. Tantrums have started and we’ve had non stop crying every hour of every dsy.

My partner keeps telling me it’s okay to ask for help sometimes and to have a little break. So i have asked my dad and his partner to have my son for a day. But I can’t get over this feeling of guilt, of feeling bad for even wanting it in the first place.

Does this make me a bad mum?

OP posts:
HoHoHoik · 30/12/2019 19:06

It doesn't make you a bad mum at all.

There is a really twee saying that goes "you can't pour water from an empty jug" but it's so true. You are responsible for your child's physical and emotional well-being but you cant do that properly if you don't also take care of your own physical and emotional well-being.

Pack him off to his grandad for the day and enjoy the peace and quiet!

Angeldust747 · 30/12/2019 19:06

Of course it doesn't make you a bad mum, you need to take care of yourself too!

TooMuchBloodyChoice · 30/12/2019 19:08

You have nurtured your baby for five months. He is probably just going through a growth spurt but you are not a bad mother for wanting a break. It’s one day - give yourself some r&r and you will be excited to reunite with your baby. Most mothers do have a little break every now and again. There’s nothing wrong with it

Lalapurple · 30/12/2019 19:08

Of course you should have a break. I know the feeling... I hope you manage to get a decent break. I think its good for your mental health even just an hour or two helps.

MrsMozartMkII · 30/12/2019 19:08

Definitely not a bad mum!

Even if you just have a cup of tea in peace, enjoy it.

meow1989 · 30/12/2019 19:11

No, not at all. We all need a break sometimes and a few hours will benefit you no end. I think dh basically forced (not in an abusive way, to be clear) me to have a few hours away from my son when he was about 8 weeks old (bottle fed). We had dinner and saw a movie and I felt awful guilt (partly for being away, partly for enjoying myself!) and rushed home but it was good for me to have some time as me and not just mummy.

However, 5 months is too young for tantrums and behaviour issues, are you certain your little one isnt in pain or ill (not trying to be patronising)?

Inhismemory · 30/12/2019 19:18

Nothing wrong with wanting or needing a break.

I second the below though.

However, 5 months is too young for tantrums and behaviour issues, are you certain your little one isnt in pain or ill (not trying to be patronising)?

Inhismemory · 30/12/2019 19:18

Or tired

Alsohuman · 30/12/2019 19:21

It makes you a good mum. You’re secure enough to recognise you need a break and that your son will be safe and happy with other people who love him. Bloody well done for not being a martyr.

DaisyDreaming · 30/12/2019 19:22

A good mum involves recognising when you need a little break and asking for some support :)

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/12/2019 19:23

Yes deffo too young for tantrums. Around 4-5mo was the age I found mind really needed a consistent nap routine. This was a godsend.. he was happier, it also meant he would have a nap for an hour or two in a cot a couple of times a day, giving me a break to just have some lunch & a cuppa in peace. I even used to ride my bike on a turbo for 20 mins, the exercise helped.

justsotiredallthetime · 30/12/2019 19:23

I third the 'tantrums' part. He seems too young for that, and constant crying suggests pain of some sort. My guess, the dreaded wind!

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2019 19:23

How often does your partner give you a break? Spending every second with the baby would be enough to drive anyone mad really.

Whatsername177 · 30/12/2019 19:23

What you are feeling is hormonal- we are genetically wired to feel like we need to keep our babies close so that they survive - in the animal kingdom,a baby needs its mum to survive. Fortunately, we are evolved and your baby will thrive without you in the safe and capable hands of his grandparents. Try not to allow some stupid hormones ruin a well deserved break. It will get easier and easier to be apart from him. Dd1 (who is 8) actively shoos me out if the door when she goes for a sleep over with her nanny!

Cornettoninja · 30/12/2019 19:26

You are definitely not unreasonable. I had/have no help available and fantasise about someone to tap up for the odd bit of respite now and then! You can have my share Wink

I’m another who wouldn’t put crying at this age down to tantrums. It could be teething, general development, frustration (mine hated being a baby), a mild virus/cold or even a change in sleeping pattern. If I remember rightly five months is one of those blasted points where everything that used to work no longer does but somethings will be worth trying again if they didn’t work previously (this will be a common theme from here on out - parenting is a constant work in progress!)

You’ll be much better placed to start figuring out causes once you’ve had your head back for a bit.

BeanTownNancy · 30/12/2019 19:27

My baby was born in May. I'm back to work on Thursday from maternity leave and I cannot wait to have a break. Doesn't make me a bad mum.

IvinghoeBeacon · 30/12/2019 19:27

I found the five-month mark hard - I was sleep-deprived and by that stage my son wanted a lot of entertainment but was too small to sit up and explore toys for himself like he could a month or so later. There is nothing wrong with needing a break. I wouldn’t describe the difficult behaviour of a baby that age as tantrums though, I agree with others about that

suspended · 30/12/2019 19:29

Not sure about tantrums but my baby started screaming every time dinner bowl was empty at 6 months. That was definitely temper.

Also what a lovely opportunity for you to relax and for your relatives to bond with your baby.

You're not a bad mum? Don't feel guilty.

winniesanderson · 30/12/2019 19:32

You definitely shouldn't feel any guilt at all for needing a break. As mothers we are human, not robots. I do agree with other posters about your dc being too young for tantrums though. Has anything changed recently? Have you started weaning or anything? Sometimes new foods can cause tummy aches or wind. Or could they be teething or coming down with something? My youngest dc has had an awful cold all over the last week and has been very unsettled.

Liland · 30/12/2019 19:32

I'd bet teeth. Mine got his first at 5 months, and is now tantrumming at 11 months (not allowed to eat batteries from the remote control, not allowed to through the stair gate to throw himself down the stairs, etc....). Much throwing himself about in response :(

But you definitely need time to yourself, even if it's just the odd evening here and there. I never get touched out, but my 1 evening a week is great to hide away and have a read etc. Dont feel guilty for needing to feel like a person instead of just mummy :)

Dieu · 30/12/2019 19:32

Do not feel guilty, and that's an order! Enjoy every bloody well-earned second of that break BrewCakeThanks

Dieu · 30/12/2019 19:33

You'll be back to the drudgery in no time, after all!

Original poster
TryTryTryAgain95 · 30/12/2019 19:55

Thank you all for your messages it’s really really helped. And I guess tantrums could be the wrong word maybe. He seems to get agitated if I take something dangerous away from him, for example we were having some sensory fun the other day with a sandwich bag that rustles, he started putting it in his mouth so I took it away as it was dangerous and he got quite upset about it. He also desperately tries to sit up but can’t yet and that frustrates him a lot. He’s been “teething” since he was 8 weeks with lots of drool, rock hard gums and pain but no teeth yet. The comment about nothing works to entertain anymore seems most like him at the moment. It feels like nothing I do entertains him then when his daddy does the same things when he gets home from work he giggles and smiles.

My partner is incredibly helpful and supportive and generally helps a lot in the evenings after work.

OP posts:
Inhismemory · 30/12/2019 20:07

Have a break and enjoy it.

When you take something off him try swapping it with something else. Distraction will be your best tool well through the 'terrible twos'.

Try and get out and about as much as you can x

BackforGood · 30/12/2019 22:11

The only unreasonable bit is having tried to spend every second with him for 7 months.
Having a break is the reasonable bit.

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