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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I really ruined Christmas?

50 replies

Wrongintherightway · 29/12/2019 22:43

Ok I admit I've been struggling with stress and anxiety recently, not helped by a stressful job and being the main wage earner in our household

DH works part time, 15 hours per week own business no stress and we have 2 DS who are great kids.

I've done all the Christmas shopping (gifts and food) all the planning, cooking and wrapping with no support or thanks from DH (who hasn't been to a single shop!) But at times I've been quiet and withdrawn (have been wfh during Christmas due to lack of leave which hasn't helped) I've been told tonight that I'm horrible and I've ruined Christmas.....I thought I was really trying to keep it together

DH has refused to work more hours/financially contribute more to ease my stress and feels I'm being selfish wanting to get a less stressful job

AIBU?

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 29/12/2019 22:45

Jesus he’s a CF!
Only works 15 hrs and has a cheek to say you’re horrible!
Why is he not helping in the house? working more?

PegasusReturns · 29/12/2019 22:47

Of course you haven’t.

I’d make plans to leave a man who refused to contribute equally

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2019 22:48

Like so many threads on here, I suspect your mental health would improve dramatically if you were to shed your nasty bastard husband.

GorkyMcPorky · 29/12/2019 22:51

Your husband is a lazy fucker who seems to expect his service with a smile. I'd get rid personally.

fligglepige · 29/12/2019 22:52

Any wonder you're feeling anxious with a husband like that.

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 22:52

Tell him he is right, you have been horrible due to the stress of work and Christmas prep, he is so much more lovely with his relaxed lifestyle so you will also be reducing your paid working hours to 15 a week.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 29/12/2019 22:54

He's a CF and worse. I delegated some present buying to DH this year who Amazon primed it all, it irritated me but I couldn't work out why, the recipients seemed pleased so maybe he can do it all next year!

NumbersStation · 29/12/2019 22:58

I’m with @Merryoldgoat

and @BlouseAndSkirt

You deserve these OP Flowers Gin
and someone who pulls their weight.

sillysmiles · 29/12/2019 23:02

That sounds mad. Does he not realise that you as a family couldn't afford to live if you reduced your hours?

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 29/12/2019 23:06

I've done all the Christmas shopping (gifts and food) all the planning, cooking and wrapping with no support or thanks from DH

Yeah... He's an absolute cunt of a man.
I guarantee if you lost that dead weight you'd feel much lighter very quickly.

popcornpaws · 29/12/2019 23:07

In our house our roles are the reverse of yours, i’m the one who works part time, i do everything you have done as i’m the one with the spare time to do it!
Your “D” h is a lazy bastard!

TooManyPaws · 29/12/2019 23:12

You'd probably be a lot less stressed and have more time to enjoy Christmas with a partner that pulled their weight. Point that out to the lazy bastard. Actually, you'd almost definitely be less stressed without such a deadweight in the house. What does he actually bring to your partnership?

justasking111 · 29/12/2019 23:17

I do internet shopping as does partner, it does save on stress, schlepping around shops for deals when you can do it online. So do that next year. Start applying for part time jobs, let him see you do that. Create a spreadsheet analyse where you can cut down the budget and discuss it with him at every stage. In other words put the fear of god into him. That spreadsheet will stand you in good stead if you kick the bugger out as well.

fastliving · 29/12/2019 23:20

Wow, have you ever told him that those are all his jobs as he only works PT? (Unless he does a crazy amount of the parenting duties to fill the rest of his week?)

CoraPirbright · 29/12/2019 23:22

Same here as popcornpaws role-wise. I do the lions share as I am the one most at home.

If he is only working 15 hours a week then he should be doing A LOT more around the house and helping with Christmas. Your ‘d’h is a lazy, entitled cunt who needs a good kick up the arse.

TigerOnATrain · 29/12/2019 23:22

@Wrongintherightway

You are seriously asking us if you are being unreasonable? To be pissed off with a man that you describe your husband to be like?

Who on earth is going to say YABU?! Confused

BoomBoomsCousin · 29/12/2019 23:22

I've done all the Christmas shopping (gifts and food) all the planning, cooking and wrapping with no support or thanks from DH.

How are the rest of the household and childcare chores split? From that sentence, it sounds like he is a CF but if your two DSs are young and he's been looking after them and does the rest of the chores then I wouldn't necessarily think this was an unreasonable split (except the no thanks bit - I find lack of gratitude for what our partners do to be a real problem in a marriage but lots of people seem to think they shouldn't need to thank each other for each pulling their weight so YMMV on that bit).

If you're doing way more than him in general then agree your stress would probably go down if you split up. If it's just at Christmas or special occasions, then probably not.

Even if you generally have a fairly even split of hours of work and you're just very stressed - he can't complain about that and then be against you changing jobs to try and lower your stress. He has to see that something has to give.

Somanyreasons · 29/12/2019 23:22

How old are DC? I work 16 hours a week and on top of looking after preschool DC pretty much all of the time I wasn’t at work, this felt pretty full on (DH works long hours, full time) - I definitely needed DH to pitch in with picking up gifts etc in the run up to Christmas.
All DC are now at school and I’ve had loads of time this year to organise Christmas single handedly, so if your DC are school age, on the face of it he’s taking the piss. Either way the way he has spoken to you is unkind and uncaring.

Stonerosie67 · 29/12/2019 23:23

I rarely comment on these threads as I think, a lot of the time, posters are too quick to say LTB.
But in this case, LTB. You deserve so much better than this shit x

DickDewy · 29/12/2019 23:24

Another one!

Why the fuck have you done everything when he works 15 poxy hours a week?

Sushiroller · 29/12/2019 23:24

Fuck me. Sounds miserable for you.
What is he bringing to the party? (Apart from a load of grief)

chocolateisavegetable · 29/12/2019 23:24

Bloody hell he is a CF! DH does very long hours in a stressful job, whilst I do PT in a stress-free job. I did all the Christmas shopping (90% on the internet) and collected the turkey etc as I was happy to do that and it felt fair. However, he insisted on doing all the cooking on Christmas day AND did all the washing up, as he wanted to thank me for doing all the planning for Christmas.

I love just's idea about the spreadsheet and letting him see you applying for other jobs

EL8888 · 29/12/2019 23:25

My big question is why is it ok for him to work 15 hours but not you? Especially as it sounds like you do most of the stuff round the house. I think we would all love a low stress part-time job. How does he justify doing less than half the hours you do?

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2019 23:25

Wow, you’re selfish for wanting to work less hours when he does fuck all? What is he contributing to your life?

ThreeFish · 29/12/2019 23:26

How exactly does he say you’ve ruined Christmas?

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