Have I really ruined Christmas?

[Wrongintherightway]

Ok I admit I've been struggling with stress and anxiety recently, not helped by a stressful job and being the main wage earner in our household

DH works part time, 15 hours per week own business no stress and we have 2 DS who are great kids.

I've done all the Christmas shopping (gifts and food) all the planning, cooking and wrapping with no support or thanks from DH (who hasn't been to a single shop!) But at times I've been quiet and withdrawn (have been wfh during Christmas due to lack of leave which hasn't helped) I've been told tonight that I'm horrible and I've ruined Christmas.....I thought I was really trying to keep it together

DH has refused to work more hours/financially contribute more to ease my stress and feels I'm being selfish wanting to get a less stressful job

AIBU?

My view is always the same on all these threads, regardless who is the main earner, male or female.

If you have the luxury to work part-time or not work at all, your job is to take care of the house and do most of the family-related-work!

If he can't take away that burden from you, he should go full-time.

I usually hate that question on here, but really, what is he bringing to your life?

Doesn't sound like he gives a shit about what's going on in your head whatsoever.

Assuming you have actually been tired, stressed and withdrawn.

Or is it because you haven't surprised him in an Ann Summers Santa "suit". Maybe you should... and hand him divorce papers.

Start digging Op, I'll be round tomorrow to help batter the selfish git and bury him under the foundations of your new patio.

You deserve better. He's got a bl**dy cheek!

You’re not alone with this wrongintherightway, I’ve done exactly the same due to my anxiety and stress levels.
He needs to step up or move on, he’s is a indeed an almighty CF!

Are you for real? Has he warped your perceptions so much that you could even a teensy weensy bit imagine you ruined Christmas? Your so-called DH is a lazy fucker and a gaslighting twat.

Sorry the “Are you for real?” sounded really harsh when I read it back, that wasn’t my intention. But OP I’m not surprised you’re suffering from stress and anxiety the way your DH treats you.

So he hasn’t contributed to Christmas but you ruined it?

He sounds like he’s ruined your life. Fuck Christmas.

@FairytaleofButlins my thoughts exactly

No, you haven't ruined Christmas. He should be doing most of the house and life admin because he works part time.

So his 15 hours a week 'working' is his own business. Does it bring in at least the equivalent of minimum wage? Or is it basically a hobby that he insists will make you all millionaires one day?
If it's turning a profit, why doesn't he up his hours?

In what context did he say you'd ruined Christmas, did you have a particular row or did he just come out with it because of you being quiet /withdrawn?

No, he has. You need a serious conversation with this part-time man, part-time partner and part-time father.

It always astonishes me that it is the men who do little or nothing who constantly complain that their partner who is trying to do everything is failing to live up to their unrealistic expectations.

I ruined Christmas by being quiet and withdrawn,

Ds are 14 & 11

I wfh a lot so childcare split pretty evenly and I do all shopping and cooking and we have a cleaner once a week, he does washing (I do ironing)

Work situation been going on for a while now with no change from him, the thing that really bugs me is he's always moaning about being tired - how!

Think anxiety/stress about work (not great situation to be honest) has completely thrown my perception, have really started to doubt myself

Thank you all for your support and comments, things need to change

Please don’t doubt yourself. It sounds like everything is on you: the stressful job, the domestic chores, the mental load (and don’t under-estimate how draining that is) - you’re probably completely exhausted so no wonder you’re quiet and withdrawn. He needs to shape up or ship out really. for you

Well him moaning won't have improved the quiet and withdrawn situation. He should be asking you what he can do to make you happier.

The biggest problem is his pt working and small household contribution... because I've done all the stuff you've done..planned Christmas..bought gifts, wrapped them etc, but DH works...he pays the mortgage,l as and most bills.

I am shattered too. We both work full time and have equal work stress...but I also feel you're not appreciated and that is not a nice feeling.

I would be pissed off if DH was not happy that I wanted a less stressful job and he worked a more 15 hours.

He's not a planner of events like Christmas and I do a much better job than he would.

has he said you ruined christmas?and why

If you are not allowed to be tired or sick without criticism you are in an abusive relationship.

What does he actually do with his time? Assuming that he sleeps 8 hours a day, work & commute is 20 hours a week, laundry is 2 hours, that leaves him 90 hours/week to fill. What does he use those 90 hours for?

It sounds like he's just a selfish dick OP.

LTB

i know its pretty bloody obvious when i say this but.you need to talk!sit him down.eplain everything you have here.depending on what your conversations are usually like copy and past some of these answers.
tell him regardless of how he feels you should cope that you are NOT.that you are tired.withdrawing into yourself and the current situation is spinning you out of control and you cant go on.
whether in a marriage the person is doing more less or in a bloody circus act it doesnt matter. if they find thmselves at a place they cant cope then you walk together to sort it and make th changes accordingly.
it doesnt matter what way round it it(though your demands warrent your current spiral) if you love someone you help them when they struggle or find themselves at a point they cant cope.