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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not plan IVF around BF's wedding?

39 replies

Werkwerkwerkwerk · 29/12/2019 22:37

BF is getting married overseas in July (I'm a bridesmaid) wedding will cost 6k in flights alone. I've woken up today with my period again. Feel utterly devastated. Had 3 failed attempts at IVF last year. AIBU to just jump straight into more IVF even though it would run the risk of disrupting wedding plans? Or should I wait a couple of months?

OP posts:

NotTheMrMenAgain · 29/12/2019 22:45

Honestly, what kind of friend would expect you to plan fertility treatment around their wedding?! I've never heard anything so bridezilla! A real friend would just keep everything crossed for you. So unless your BF is an entitled loon you're good to crack on with further attempts?

user1473878824 · 29/12/2019 22:45

OP, if she’s your best friend she will understand. It’s one day. I’m getting married next year and if one of my bridesmaids couldn’t make it because of IVF I’d be more upset that she was worried about upsetting me! I’m so sorry for your losses xx

LittleTinselTown · 29/12/2019 22:47

If she's any kind of friend, she would completely understand how important this is to you.

PragmaticWench · 29/12/2019 22:47

I think you should do what suits your body and your relationship the best, not other people.

Frozenfan2019 · 29/12/2019 22:49

So sorry it hasn't worked for you this time. Definitely don't plan around a wedding. It's just a party!

I got pregnant in early January by the way and the baby was born end of September so you might well be ok anyway.

Original poster

Werkwerkwerkwerk · 29/12/2019 22:55

I already have the very expensive matching dress. Which fits now ..... but it may not after a couple more rounds and definitely wouldn't fit if I was (please god) pregnant. She's not being a bridezilla btw it's just me fretting ......

OP posts:

halfgirlhalfturnip · 29/12/2019 23:15

6k in flights??? That is crazy! I would focus on IVF and skip the wedding all together.

Hayhayleigh · 29/12/2019 23:25

Yanbu keep the 6k the meds alone are expensive enough! Good luck for your next cycle 💐

WingingIt101 · 29/12/2019 23:31

Oh op go for it if it’s what you want and don’t worry!
My oldest friend had huge fertility issues and after agreeing to be a bridesmaid at my wedding called me in floods of tears... she sounded so worried that I couldn’t help but cry with happiness and then tell her off for worrying when she explained she had collapsed that morning and when she got to hospital they found she was pregnant! Her baby was due two days after my wedding so she couldn’t make it at all but honestly I couldn’t have been happier that she missed it because it meant her beautiful and much longed for baby came!

A proper friend will be exactly the same and will want you to stop worrying and take good care of yourself. Good luck! X

Original poster

Werkwerkwerkwerk · 30/12/2019 00:00

Yeah the flights are eye watering !! Every time we spend money I count it in IVF cycles .......

OP posts:

TigerOnATrain · 30/12/2019 00:04

@Werkwerkwerkwerk Six THOUSAND quid for flights alone?

Where are you going? The moon?

Anyway, that aside, your 'best friend' sounds like a twat. I would tell her to shove it tbh. Who the fuck treats anyone like she is treating you. Sorry, but fuck that!

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2019 00:13

Anyway, that aside, your 'best friend' sounds like a twat. I would tell her to shove it tbh. Who the fuck treats anyone like she is treating you. Sorry, but fuck that!

What are you going on about? The OP says it's her thats worrying. So why is her best friend a twat?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/12/2019 00:19

Currently planning my wedding and there's no way I would want you to plan your IVF around it. Any decent friend wouldn't, weddings are important but this is far more important.

Good luck OP and I hope it's successful.

CodenameVillanelle · 30/12/2019 07:17

Unless you're super rich you shouldn't be going to a wedding that is a £6k flight away. Just call her and apologise. Frankly I don't know why you agreed to spend all that money in the first place.

Rezie · 30/12/2019 07:27

Please tell me the 6k includes 2 people.

No, you shouldn't plan your family around a wedding. Also your friend will totally understand. If you feel like you need a break for other reasons then do have one, but not bacuase of the wedding.

Rezie · 30/12/2019 07:29

Anyway, that aside, your 'best friend' sounds like a twat. I would tell her to shove it tbh. Who the fuck treats anyone like she is treating you. Sorry, but fuck that!
It sounds like OP is thinking this all by herself and the friend knows nothing about it. So wouldn't blame the bride when she has never said anyhting and knows nothing about op's thought process.

circleorsquare · 30/12/2019 07:32

Best friend sounds like a twat??? Where do you get that from?

I think you need to talk to her and explain your feelings and worries, I'm sure she'll understand.

This said I think IVF is such a difficult time and from being with friends who have gone through it a break might be good for you but only you can make that decision. How old are you? Does this have a bearing on your decision too?

holly40 · 30/12/2019 07:40

No way would I put a wedding/ a particular dress ahead of fertility treatment.

Wishing you luck with ttc/ivf x

Robs20 · 30/12/2019 07:40

Im terms of cost, I would not go and would save the money for ivf (unless money is not an issue!). In terms of timing, I would consider waiting a couple of months (you could still go if you were 4-5 months pregnant...). I am supposed to be a bridesmaid in France at the end of May...and pregnant with twins due 10 days before. I am gutted for my friend and although she has been very sweet, I wish I was due a couple of months earlier or later!

Veterinari · 30/12/2019 07:47

@TigerOnATrain
You might want to actually read the OP before imagining an entirely different scenario and then responding to your imaginary scenario and confusing everyone on the thread!

jaseyraex · 30/12/2019 07:53

Ah bless you OP, you sound like a great friend. But definitely do not put someone else's wedding above your IVF plans. If you want to jump straight in to another round then go for it. I'm sure your friend will understand. Personally, I'd drop out of the wedding and spend that 6k on more IVF if nessecary!

Best of luck.

Soontobe60 · 30/12/2019 07:57

That's a lot of money for flights! Where to and for how many people? You can get flights to Australia for £1k!

rwalker · 30/12/2019 07:59

TBH it might be an opportunity to take some pressure off recharge and give you at bit of breathing space before your next round .Stress and pressure of ivf can be horrific .

Cremebrule · 30/12/2019 08:00

Have you already paid the £6k. If not I’d just carry on but if you have already paid the money, I probably would plan around it as I wouldn’t want to lose the flight money. It must be so tough for you at the moment and I hope you get some good news in 2020.

Erin11 · 30/12/2019 08:04

If it feels like the right time to try another round of IVF then go for it.
I had to travel to London from jersey for IVF treatment and I was sitting in a cafe in London with my best friend when we worked out that if this round of IVF worked I would miss his wedding as the baby would be due the same week and I wouldn’t be able to travel. When you are doing IVF it is so hard to even think about what may happen 9 months down the line, we don’t dare to as you feel you’re jinxing things.
We have two gorgeous boys now through IVF and the only advise I would give is keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking a step at a time, each appointment, each injection etc is a step closer to your dream. Try not to let other things that are going on in ‘normal life’ stop you taking those steps.
My friend couldn’t have been happier for me and I wrote a little speech for another friend to read out at the reception!
I wish you all the luck in the world x

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