To not plan IVF around BF's wedding?

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BF is getting married overseas in July (I'm a bridesmaid) wedding will cost 6k in flights alone. I've woken up today with my period again. Feel utterly devastated. Had 3 failed attempts at IVF last year. AIBU to just jump straight into more IVF even though it would run the risk of disrupting wedding plans? Or should I wait a couple of months?

You shouldn’t plan your family around a wedding

I agree. Especially since you don’t know how long it will take so any delay will no doubt feel huge to you!

However, do make sure you understand the risks. DH and I heard constantly how it ‘would probably take a while to happen’ - we almost tried before our wedding/honeymoon to get a ‘jump start’ as we’d been so convinced we would struggle. Luckily we didn’t. Magically managed to conceive immediately (don’t think I’m not grateful I am) but by 5 weeks I’d been hit so hard by HG that I was incapable of leaving the house and have never been so sick and miserable in my life.

The next 5 months were horrific, no work, no socialising, no anything just sitting at home sick as a dog trying not to end up in hospital again 👍🏻 I’ve only just gotten a bit better now.

Anything we had planned would have had to be cancelled. We’d likely have lost our money as insurance won’t cover pregnancy (unless they know you’re pregnant when you take out the cover).

I’d never heard of anyone being this unwell with pregnancy before but since I’ve suffered so many of my friends/peers have opened up about how awful/miserable they felt.

You might be fine, but you do need to decide whether you’d be happy to miss the wedding and potentially lose the money spent if a pregnancy meant you were unable to travel.

Xx

Have you already bought the tickets? Do you feel you're in a place where you can be honest with her? That money would surely help to pay for your IVF, if she is a best friend who has decided to have her wedding abroad, surely she would understand? And no, don't put it on hold if you feel you want to do it now.

I wouldn't be going at that price tbh.

That's more than my wedding cost!

I agree with pp that I'd probably plan around it if I'd already paid.

Do you feel that a month or two "off" would benefit you or would you just be fretting that it was wasted time?

Hope that 2020 is your year, Op.

If it means you cannot go to the wedding then I would postpone IVF only because you have spent 6K on flights. IF not and it just means the dress won't fit, then Id say go for it.
Good luck.

Honestly, there’s no way on earth I would be spending £6000 on flights to a wedding whilst already trying to fund IVF. Where on earth are you going that flights cost that much anyway? Or have you left it too late to book cheaply?

People who choose to get married in a different place from where their friends and family live know that they run the risk of them not being able to come, and they have to accept that. Someone else’s wedding should never be a top priority in your family’s finances.

You’ve got to get it out of your head that you are disrupting her wedding plans. This is yours and your husband’s lives and putting them on hold for the sake of one day is just daft. Would you ask her to change her wedding date? Of course you wouldn’t so do what’s best for you. Good luck .

So what's the drip feed op?
Are you travelling 1st class? Cos I've never seen economy flights for £6k.
Also how well-off you are makes a big difference to how affordable the £6k is, but I assume it is affordable for you, otherwise you wouldn't be in this dilemma ?

Re getting pregnant, a lot of weddings I've been to there has been a pregnant bridesmaid, life doesn't stand still and it's quite normal.
Obviously you won't want to fly heavily pregnant or with a new born, that's perfectly reasonable, why don't you cross that bridge when you come to it?
My advice, carry on your life as usual, including IVF and just give your bf a heads up that what you are doing, I'm sure they will be over the moon if you did get pregnant, even if it means you miss the wedding.

How much are you expected to stump up?

I would talk to your friend now and put her in the picture. When do you need to pay for your flights?

@TigerOnATrain How embarrassing for you.

Don’t put off the IVF tries you’ll always regret it if you do and wonder “what if?” Best of luck to you in future cycles.

At that price I’m guessing these are 2 x Business Class flights to somewhere Op? And you have the money as you haven’t mentioned not being able to afford it? I’d stick to your plan of going to the Wedding but still keep trying for a baby.

Maybe give your body a few months to recover from this past round of IVF and plan to cycle again in March/April? That way if you do fall pregnant you’ll only be around 4months pregnant at the wedding.....

I've done IVF, and no, no way would I plan around a wedding. Especially not if I needed the money to use on the treatment! Good luck!

I don’t understand why the flights are that much. Surely there’s a cheaper option?

I agree that not planning life around a wedding is the right course of action.

Anyone who expects their guests to spend that much money to come to their wedding is being a bit of a twat in my book. Maybe that's what @TigerOnATrain meant? I would absolutely sack it off for the IVF.

i want to know where the flights are to/from as well