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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh told his family we are ttc

47 replies

Floydechoes · 29/12/2019 17:54

Am I allowed be annoyed about this??, we are ttc since November. I haven't said anything to my family and asked dh if he would do the same. I just wanted to tell people when i'm at least actually pregnant and a few weeks in. I would think that's quite normal. Today his sister said to me out of the blue "are you pregnant yet" and his mother asked my 3 year old if hes getting a baby sister or brother. I just did'nt know what to say. I kept it all in till we got in the car and now we are not speaking. He said i'm being unreasonable. I really don't think i am. He did it with our first born too and this time i just wanted to wait till i was a few weeks or actually pregnant.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 29/12/2019 17:59

What's normal depends on the family. Some people will be quite open about telling their family they want to have a child / second or third child and they're going to try for one. Others won't.

YANBU if you don't want to tell your family but I'm not sure you can tell him what he's allowed to say to his family (or not, as the case may be!).

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2019 18:01

I’m not sure this is totally out of order. I talked to my sister when we tried to conceive.

It wasn’t sensitive for them to ask you though.

tillytoodles1 · 29/12/2019 18:03

I wouldn't be bothered. Most of the people I was close to knew that I was longing to have a baby and we were TTC, but you're not me.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 29/12/2019 18:05

It depends entirely on the family. You obviously wouldn't want to share this information but your DH did. I don't think you can blame him for having a different communication style. Keeping some information from my family would feel extremely uncomfortable to me.

RhymingRabbit3 · 29/12/2019 18:05

I wouldnt be annoyed with DH as if he wants to talk to family for support etc I think that's fair enough.

I would be annoyed with SIL and MIL for asking about it though, that's not on and is quite insensitive.

Legomanships · 29/12/2019 18:05

i probably wouldn’t be all that bothered...but to be fair I would probably have been the one telling people rather than DP so I may be part of the problem 😁

Sexnotgender · 29/12/2019 18:05

I’d hate this!! Like, hey guys, we’re busy having unprotected sex... far too much information for family and added pressure you don’t need.

ragged · 29/12/2019 18:10

Did you specifically tell him to keep it secret & talk to no one else about it?

Winterwoollies · 29/12/2019 18:14

This would drive me potty. I have VERY overbearing in-laws who would be pestering me all the live long day. And if I was TTC and it wasn’t working, their constant nagging would drive me to the edge. I don’t blame you for being annoyed. It’s an emotive time and having people involving themselves would stress me out and piss me off.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/12/2019 18:20

I’d see nothing wrong with this, his family and he can share what he likes. Being asked to not talk to family and share with them would be a red flag for me.

It’s not something I would share myself, who wants to know that you are having unprotected sex. No one really.

Crazypanda85 · 29/12/2019 18:22

Personally I wouldn't be bothered, but if I has asked DH specifically not to mention it then yes I would be irritated.

They shouldn't of mentioned it to you though, that would piss me off. Enough pressure as it is without other people asking!

ThunderboltandLightning · 29/12/2019 18:25

I would hate this. For exactly the reason that has already happened to you. Nosy relatives asking if you are pregnant yet. What if you are, or you miscarry, or it doesn't happen. Or any other reason you don't wish to discuss with that person. Why is there any need to tell anyone you are having unprotected sex? It's just a bit unnecessary.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 29/12/2019 18:40

He’s not unreasonable for telling his family but they are unreasonable for not being discreet about it. They shouldn’t talk to you about it that’s unfair.

Spidey66 · 29/12/2019 18:44

I'm with you. I think telling people you're ttc is basically telling people you're having lots of sex. Just tell me if/when it happens. Like others have said it may take ages, it may not happen, it might happen and end up in miscarriage.

sameasiteverwasantiques · 29/12/2019 18:45

I'm also with you OP. You asked him not to say anything and he should respect your wishes. I never told my family when we were trying.

Elieza · 29/12/2019 18:49

If DH agreed to keep his trap shut and then told his family I’d be well pissed off too.

I guess he’s just excited. But he’ll need to rein it in as what happens when he’s watching a little one in the future and his own mum gives him/her something you’ve decided she shouldn’t have. Will he man up and say no Mum, wife and I have decided baby’s not to get xxx. Or will he clam up and let it happen even though he agreed not to and not bother telling you so you don’t get pissed at him.

ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere · 29/12/2019 18:51

Yanbu and I'd be annoyed too, it's nobody's business but those involved in the conception.

My BIL (who I don't like, rarely see and if possible actively avoid) got pissy with DH when he told him I was pregnant ad he couldn't believe we hadn't told him we were TTC. "I can't believe you didn't tell me" to his credit DH did say "BIL, what the fucks my sperm and where it's getting shot got to do with you?" GrinEnvy

Winterdaysarehere · 29/12/2019 18:52

Ask him why he told his family you will be doing lots of shagging?
Grim telling people imo..

BaolFan · 29/12/2019 18:56

Next time they ask if you are pregnant yet, tell them no because H's sperm don't seem to be up to the job.

Then when your H spits the dummy you can point out that sharing personal information - true or not - works both ways.

Thefaceofboe · 29/12/2019 18:58

I was in the same boat as you. We have been ttc baby #1 since October 2018 and my dh mentioned it to his family in causal conversation a few months ago and now at every family gathering I get asked if I’m pregnant yet, which hurts a lot. They obviously have no idea we are struggling but I’d rather they didn’t know anything

Original poster
Floydechoes · 29/12/2019 19:01

Thank you, its one thing saying we are pregnant but ttc is different its non of their business.

OP posts:
MissCEngland · 29/12/2019 19:03

I’ve been in your situation! DP and I moved into a new house and without my knowledge, he told his family the spare room was for a nursery. We have been TTC for a couple of months now, but he told them this the minute we decided to try. Like yourself, I was very annoyed although DP didn’t see the issue. His sister frequently asks him if I’m pregnant yet, to which the answer is always no and is disappointing and adds pressure. I made it perfectly clear that I do not wish DP to tell anyone about our private life unless it is something we tell people together and he has been very respectful of this. Sometimes you just have to be blunt and straight to the point xx

QuietCrotchgoblins · 29/12/2019 19:05

I'd really not be happy telling people. I'd wait until 12 week scan to even tell my family. Not sure why, I'm just not that close to them. Some cannot keep a secret either. My mum sent a picture of me wearing my wedding dress to the whole family before my wedding. She's lovely and meant no harm but it taught me not to tell her anything unless I want to announce it to the world. Proved right when I ended u0 telling my immediate family about pregnancy at a family party where I was not drinking and getting comments all the time. The whole family knew within the hour of telling her.

Whatsername177 · 29/12/2019 19:06

It is out of order because telling people needs to be something you agree on. YANBU. I fecking hated ttc. Flowers for you!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/12/2019 19:08

Do you think he shares too much with them generally..?

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