Dh told his family we are ttc

[Floydechoes]

Am I allowed be annoyed about this??, we are ttc since November. I haven't said anything to my family and asked dh if he would do the same. I just wanted to tell people when i'm at least actually pregnant and a few weeks in. I would think that's quite normal. Today his sister said to me out of the blue "are you pregnant yet" and his mother asked my 3 year old if hes getting a baby sister or brother. I just did'nt know what to say. I kept it all in till we got in the car and now we are not speaking. He said i'm being unreasonable. I really don't think i am. He did it with our first born too and this time i just wanted to wait till i was a few weeks or actually pregnant.

Now is when you can have another conversation with your DH, because your MIL and SIL were insensitive for sure. Telling your 3yo!! "See, this is why I asked you not to tell them." And he should now have a quiet word with them "please dont pester us, especially my DW." He made this mess, he must clean it up. I'd be furious, I hate people pestering and busybodying. I'm so grateful that my inlaws are super discreet and really respectful of boundaries.

This would bother me. The second you say something like this it's all anyone can talk about or seems to care about. It's tedious, intrusive and pressuring.

I completely understand and agree with you. Apart from you saying that "we" will be pregnant: once men share the knackered pelvic floor, leaky nipples, and persistent piles, we can talk.

I would be annoyed. Yes they are his family and yes some families share lots more than others. But this is information about your mutual sex life and your uterus! Which actually I think trumps being close to your family. And the fact they asked you and worse in my opinion, asked your child if they were getting a sibling, shows they can't really be trusted with sensitive information

If it’s brought up in conversation again suggest in a whisper please don’t discuss this as HE gets upset, “we are hoping the tablets will help with his little problem!”

It's very disrespectful and completely out of order to ignore your wish not to claim everywhere that you are having sex, probably planned around your ovulation period.

It doesn't matter what the family is like, husband and wife should show each other some respect.

When you asked him not to tell his family, what was his response? I feel that defines the responsibility. If he agreed then he is unreasonable. I wouldn't want to share the ttc.

YANBU. It should be a joint decision whether to tell people that level of private detail, especially because it will impact you as well, and your DH didn't respect you on this.

I would be particularly angry if I were you because his family demonstrated exactly the sort of behaviour you were probably worried about in the first place.

I think he has a right to a family life - I would find it very controlling if my DH said that I wasn't allowed to discuss trying to conceive with my own sister.

This information is about BOTH of them though, it doesn't only affect him. His family are tactless to speak of it. And now they are adding to the pressure waiting on news, which helps no one.

I'd be annoyed about this but it's not really something you can control. My dp is the same. He told his mum I was pregnant before I wanted to tell anyone as I wasn't at the safe stage. She then insisted he told his brothers and sisters - which he did. And I know if he hadn't she would have anyway. He also told his family that I am autistic, something I expressly asked him to not tell anyone. I think in your case it's worse that his family then said things to you about it.

it's still not clear OP asked him not to talk to anyone about it.

And even if she did... is it not his life too, to get hopes up & worry his hopes might be dashed? Is he not allowed to get support from anyone about that uncertainty? PP was right to mutter "controlling".

I find it weird they ask "Are you pregnant yet?!" tbf. THAT is pure annoying.

@ragged yes i said dont tell your mom and sisters because no one needs to know until i'm actually pregnant. As others have said why would his family need to know about our sex life. He could have told them not to say anything to me....

That would drive me crackers and I would find it very hard not to be extremely rude to someone making enquiries. Yanbu.

YANBU if he really felt the need to confide in them he should have a) warned you he was telling them and b) told them to keep their mouth shut about it. Why on earth would anyone tell a 3 year old before you were even pregnant?!

I'd kill him

If it’s ok to share, I’d tell them his issues mean it might take a while so please don’t ask again... look teary! Then refuse to discuss further

I wouldn't care about him sharing this with them but I'd vare about MIL sharing with a 3yo who may have lots of questions and feelings afterwards.

FWIW both our sets of parents knew we were ttc but neither would bring it up unless we did first.

Thanks everyone for commenting. With my first ds i had a bad labour with a placental adbruption, when we stared ttc I looked up about it and read not everyone goes on to have another pregnancy. This is our third cycle trying now and so im already starting to worry i wont be able to conceive and the last thing i needed was for him to tell his family behind my back and hear his mom say to my 3 yr old about him having a bro or sis really was it for me. Thats not "controlling" of me just just want a bit of privacy. He's also not the type of person that needs to confide in them about feelings he just let it slip and couldnt just say sorry to me. Today is my peak ovulation we will obviously not be ttc now as we are still fighting about it, so there goes another cycle.

I had the exact same thing with my DH who told MIL who told SIL, we have no children and have now been trying for 10months. I was convinced I had issues due to having never been pregnant before and other factors. I had an intensive blood test and my DH had a sperm sample even though he had one when he was younger due to mumps. My results were all normal and his sperm concentration was low. He hasn't told anyone, which proves my point of being so angry and upset when he told his mum (who I don't talk to, long story and for another thread) because now we don't know when or if we can have children and he's now put the fact we are trying out there.
It is insensitive and it is a personal thing, because if you can't conceive again (secondary infertility is common) then it is a topic for conversation and in the public realm. The fact he has done this before and knew you weren't happy, would annoy me more. Next time don't tell him if you want a third 😂😂 then he definitely won't say anything! I'm joking BTW 😜 good luck with trying and I hope your second comes soon for you x

I think the part that would really annoy me, and is inappropriate, is asking your 3 year old about a brother or sister, not knowing if this is something you've discussed with him, or want to mention to him!