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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to ask GP for help?

29 replies

toomanycabbages · 29/12/2019 14:40

Showing my age now but back when I was a kid there was a show called Crackerjack. For those of you who remember it, I have way too many cabbages right now and am at very real risk of dropping everything. This is also very outing (even with name change) but that is low on my list of priorities so here goes.

Rewind to this time last year... DM was in hospital with end stage metastatic cancer. Christmas was spent in and out of the hospital to visit her and trying to come to terms with the inevitable. On new year's day our youngest dog collapsed and died out of the blue. At 2am I was driving back from handing him over to the ooh vet when the hospital called to say DM had contracted pneumonia and might not make it through the night. Never dealt with my emotions over the dog as I had no space to, even when telling our then 6 year old.

We lost DM later in the January just days after getting her home to us.

Fast forward back to now. We have just the emotional roller coaster of our first Christmas without DM. It was OK, we had friends over on Christmas day to avoid the 'empty seat' but it was still tough. Our other dog had started collapsing on 23rd. On Boxing day we found out he has cancer and palliative care is the only option. We don't know how long he has. I had to break the news, gently, to our DD who has already lost so much.

I'm lucky that, as a teacher, I still have another week off but I will be going back to a middle management position in a department that has a number of long term absences and is due Ofsted at any time. The workload and stress are already crippling.

DH has complex PTSD and can't work. I'm the only one bringing any income into the family. We are now facing additional monthly bills of around £200 for our boy's supplements in addition to the original vet bill of over £400. We can't afford it but can manage it.

This dog was DH's therapy and pulled him through some dark times with his PTSD. I'm terrified of how his grief will manifest. I know that I will have to carry everyone, just as DH carried me after DM passed, but I know I'm not strong enough to do it. I've already got way too much to deal with and can't see how this won't push me over the edge. I've had a breakdown many years ago and know the early signs - which are already here.

I want to ask my GP to put me back on citalopram (been off it over 10 years) to give me a bit of mental space to try to get a grip on everything. Do you think they would be able to appreciate that this is a culmination of many events? I feel a bit of a fraud if they will think I'm asking because the dog is going to die. I also feel bad not needing this after DM died but needing it now. I just feel like every time I get my head above water this last year something else happens to shove me back under.

OP posts:
Didiplanthis · 29/12/2019 14:50

I think it sounds desperately sensible and would think your GP would be glad to see someone who is able to see the cracks and a way forward. I would also suggest referral to a mental health wellbeing practitioner to help you maintain your own mental health and deal with the monumental amount of rubbish life is currently throwing your way..

PeachCupcake · 29/12/2019 14:54

Do it! You’ve done so well to notice the signs x

CornishPorsche · 29/12/2019 15:01

Yes, see your GP. Absolutely nothing wrong with this being the straw that's broken the camel's back.

Is your DH ex forces? Is he getting treatment and help for his CPTSD? Does he help himself?

What's on your plate today you can drop? How many cabbages can you drop for your own health?

Fuck OFSTED and fuck the school - if you need to be signed off for a term or half a term, do it. You need to be fit to help yourself.

Put your own oxygen mask on before you help anyone else out theirs on.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 29/12/2019 15:17

Definitely ask the GP for help.

As for the dog, have you considered asking the vet for a prescription instead of the pills? My old dog is on regular medication and my vet was happy to prescribe it and even checked the difference in price for me - to get the tablets from the surgery would be £ 70 but with prescription I can get the same tablets for £ 20!

toomanycabbages · 29/12/2019 15:22

Thanks for the replies, feeling more empowered to go to my GP. School have been monumental in their support this last year and I already have time booked off for the 1st anniversary of DM passing. I'm good at letting them know when I need help it's just such a shit time there too, I'm hoping meds will help and I am well versed at MH triage and try to be proactive.

Yes, DH is ex forces. He's had help from combat stress in the past and is able to talk through his issues now. I just know how hard this will hit him as this is HIS dog and, honestly, I don't think he'd still be with us if he hadn't had him. DH has spoken briefly about speaking to his GP too. I will encourage him to do that.

OP posts:
toomanycabbages · 29/12/2019 15:27

We are already sourcing the supplements and food online. The £200 / month is half what it would be through the vets. Our vet is great and told us straight away to source ourself. The dog is on hepatic food, denamarin and pain meds - it's not cheap stuff but thank you for the information, it is appreciated.

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 29/12/2019 15:33

Of course you should go to the GP. Although medication doesnt change the facts of life it may keep your head above water for a while. Dont feel bad about Mum versus dogs, grief and pain can be cumulative, What you are feeling is for everything and everyone and you are trying to buoy up the whole family. In my experience the death of a pet is often the last straw. The grief is real

VivienScott · 29/12/2019 15:36

I have ptsd and my dog was part of my recovery. She’s also now very ill (and expensive!) and not going coerced to make it through next year so I can empathise with your OH.
I can’t say how he will react or how he makes that cope, but it is about making sure your dogs passing is as untraumatic as possible. Don’t leave it to last minute when it’s at deaths door, look for the signs and try and have it put to sleep before it’s an emergency vets run, make it as calm and peaceful as possible and take the vets advise for all of you as it will limit the impact and potential triggers for him.
A new puppy could be a good distraction eventually but otherwise ensure he keeps to the routine of walks etc. The dog is partly the conduit to the lifestyle that helps recovery, he has to keep to that lifestyle.
You’re doing it all right, see your gp and get help for yourself as well.

Bobbiepin · 29/12/2019 15:41

Maybe book a back to back appointment for both of you. You need some support and maybe some counselling to work through things and sounds like dh will need the same without his support dog.

Okbutno · 29/12/2019 15:43

Definitely go to the GP. This isn't just about too much on your plate. If you've been on citalopram in the past it's really sensible to recognise when things get tough and preempt a depressive episode. I'm on citalopram and really value the support it provides.

Is expensive medication the best thing for the dog? Or is it actually about your dh needing the dog? I'm sure somone will be along who has direct experience but lots of ex forces support charities exist for both the ex person and their family. So look into this.

PinkBuffalo · 29/12/2019 15:49

Absolutely ask your GP, well done you for recognising you need that help
Good luck OP, and I hope your GP helps you Flowers

CornishPorsche · 29/12/2019 16:18

Don't forget Combat Stress have a 24hr phone line for you and your DH if you ever want to talk. 0800 138 1619.

He can speak to them any time he likes, even if he's done his residential courses etc. Flowers

Whatisafrond · 29/12/2019 16:21

Definitely go and see your GP.

I've been on and off medication over the years. Currently on it right now. I've always gone to see my Doctor before the wheels fully came off and I think that is what saved me from having a total break down.

It's not unreasonable, it's sensible.

Dollymixture22 · 29/12/2019 16:41

Another vote for seeing your gp. Of course this is cumulative, you have had aw awful year. If you know the anti depressant will help (even a little) then you should have it. The gp will understand.

Tetran · 29/12/2019 16:45

Yes please OP, please speak with your GP. As has been said it's good that you recognise the signs that you are reaching the limit of what you can deal with, they should be able to give you some support. If your DH feels able, if he re-engages with combat stress they might be able to offer some more help, and give him the confidence to speak to his GP.

flouncyfanny · 29/12/2019 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WrongKindOfFace · 29/12/2019 17:10

I agree, it would be very sensible to see the GP before things get to crisis point.

In relation to DH has he explored EMDR treatment? Can be very helpful for some people with CPTSD. It can be obtained on the NHS in some areas if cost is an issue.

toomanycabbages · 30/12/2019 09:34

Just to update - I've spoken to my GP this morning and will go back on the meds. Thank you for the support and advice - we are looking into the options that have been suggested.

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 30/12/2019 09:39

Without wanting to sound patronising...

Well done for taking control of your mental health before it takes control of you - not easy, not always possible and not a failure if you can't.

Dollymixture22 · 30/12/2019 17:51

😊💐

Tistheseason17 · 30/12/2019 17:53

Great outcome - I would have recommended GP, too. A pet is a family member in most cases Flowers

PinkBuffalo · 30/12/2019 22:41

Good to hear your GP was listening to you. Well done

ProfessionalBoss · 30/12/2019 22:51

@toomanycabbages you have noticed a decline in your mental health, and even though your grief has taken a year to upset your "normal" thoughts and behaviour, it's still something which you need to deal with. Pushing your feelings aside isn't the way to deal with them as you know, but I'm glad to hear that your GP put you back on the citalopram, it should give you the headspace to deal with everything that's going on...

BrusselPout · 30/12/2019 23:24

Well done OP, a lot of people (myself included) don't recognise/wait until it is really bad before they seek help - getting in front of it when you can see potential cracks is amazing. Any support you can get now will help enormously

Sparklynails7 · 30/12/2019 23:29

Both of you should see your GP to be referred to a psychologist. Talking therapy should be the first point of call, not going straight for the drugs. I had severe depression for years and still have Ptsd, but I'm off the meds now and functioning well. I had talking therapy before being put on high dose meds. Best of luck ❤️