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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to ask GP for help?

29 replies

toomanycabbages · 29/12/2019 14:40

Showing my age now but back when I was a kid there was a show called Crackerjack. For those of you who remember it, I have way too many cabbages right now and am at very real risk of dropping everything. This is also very outing (even with name change) but that is low on my list of priorities so here goes.

Rewind to this time last year... DM was in hospital with end stage metastatic cancer. Christmas was spent in and out of the hospital to visit her and trying to come to terms with the inevitable. On new year's day our youngest dog collapsed and died out of the blue. At 2am I was driving back from handing him over to the ooh vet when the hospital called to say DM had contracted pneumonia and might not make it through the night. Never dealt with my emotions over the dog as I had no space to, even when telling our then 6 year old.

We lost DM later in the January just days after getting her home to us.

Fast forward back to now. We have just the emotional roller coaster of our first Christmas without DM. It was OK, we had friends over on Christmas day to avoid the 'empty seat' but it was still tough. Our other dog had started collapsing on 23rd. On Boxing day we found out he has cancer and palliative care is the only option. We don't know how long he has. I had to break the news, gently, to our DD who has already lost so much.

I'm lucky that, as a teacher, I still have another week off but I will be going back to a middle management position in a department that has a number of long term absences and is due Ofsted at any time. The workload and stress are already crippling.

DH has complex PTSD and can't work. I'm the only one bringing any income into the family. We are now facing additional monthly bills of around £200 for our boy's supplements in addition to the original vet bill of over £400. We can't afford it but can manage it.

This dog was DH's therapy and pulled him through some dark times with his PTSD. I'm terrified of how his grief will manifest. I know that I will have to carry everyone, just as DH carried me after DM passed, but I know I'm not strong enough to do it. I've already got way too much to deal with and can't see how this won't push me over the edge. I've had a breakdown many years ago and know the early signs - which are already here.

I want to ask my GP to put me back on citalopram (been off it over 10 years) to give me a bit of mental space to try to get a grip on everything. Do you think they would be able to appreciate that this is a culmination of many events? I feel a bit of a fraud if they will think I'm asking because the dog is going to die. I also feel bad not needing this after DM died but needing it now. I just feel like every time I get my head above water this last year something else happens to shove me back under.

OP posts:
Danni12 · 30/12/2019 23:37

Well done for noticing those early warning signs OP and asking for help. No wonder you are worried, you know how important your dog is to support your DH's wellbeing. Do you have Mind in your area? They are a fabulous charity and may be able to offer resources/ supportFlowers

BlackeyedSusan · 30/12/2019 23:40

teaching is enough to do it without the rest of the shit.

1year on is still not that long to have had time to grieve and start to live with it.

LadyLightning · 30/12/2019 23:59

Glad you got help, it isnt just about the dog, it is the accumulation of everything. I would refer yourself for therapy too if you can, or get help through your work if they have an employee assistance program. Take care, and lots of luck with things.

toomanycabbages · 31/12/2019 10:21

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the support.

I'm only on a low dose of citalopram and have already self referred for counselling. I know the meds won't help unless they are part of a bigger package of support but they do help with the physical symptoms of panic attacks. My GP was initially hesitant to prescribe them but did so after listening to my reasons for wanting them. If there is long wait for NHS support I can access services through School and have done before.

DH is going to get back in touch with combat stress. He has tried loads of different services in the past but found that dealing with someone who was ex forces themselves gave them a better understanding of his issues. He's fully aware of how this will hit him and has agreed to explore coping strategies in advance.

I'm going to see how work goes. My GP offered to sign me off right away but I feel like I need the routine and structure right now. I'm going to let my boss and the head know that I'm back on meds and the reason for it and that I can only do what I can do. I've always been honest and open about my MH and they are supportive.

Feeling suitably stubborn that none of this will drag any of us down.

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