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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want 15 y/o son to go out?

35 replies

DonnaHaroldson · 29/12/2019 14:38

For the past week, my son has just stayed in the house and has done absolutely nothing. On Christmas Day we had the family over and he spoke to no one. He has gone nowhere and doesn't do anything during any other break either. When I was his age, I went to parties and hung out with friends until late at night. He does nothing. He doesn't revise for GCSE's that are in a few months. On Christmas everyone was talking about how well their kids were doing at school and I had to just say nothing and smile. Hmm This morning I asked him to do something with friends and he just said "It's Sunday, I'm relaxing." Confused AIBU?

OP posts:
Aramox · 29/12/2019 14:38

You know you aren’t the only one!

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 29/12/2019 14:39

Hes 15

HardofCleaning · 29/12/2019 14:39

What is he doing instead? Screen addict? Does he have a group of friends? How is he socially? Confident? Anxious? Awkward?

Popc0rn · 29/12/2019 14:39

Does he have any friends?

ooooohbetty · 29/12/2019 14:39

I don't know what you can do about him not going out with friends but I'd have been really angry with him not talking to visitors.

churchandstate · 29/12/2019 14:40

Let him relax!

FabbyChix · 29/12/2019 14:41

Mine never went out they lived their home so much th ET didn’t feel the need that meant they didn’t walk the streets, didnt drink or take drugs and gif an education before leaving home at 8 and having their first drink at uni. From me it’s a YABU

FabbyChix · 29/12/2019 14:41

Sorry one hands broke wrist left home at 18

Cordial11 · 29/12/2019 14:43

It makes me so sad how kids don’t go out and have fun anymore Sad is he on his phone or gaming?

MuchBetterNow · 29/12/2019 14:48

My ds was the same at 15, he's home from university atm and out all the time, don't worry about it and don't concern yourself with other parents bragging about their perfect dc, it's usually bollocks.

UndertheCedartree · 29/12/2019 14:48

Can't you invite a friend over for a sleepover or give them some money for swimming/cinema/rollerskating - whatever they like?

Original poster
DonnaHaroldson · 29/12/2019 14:51

@UndertheCedartree I have asked him before to invite someone for a sleepover, but he feels that he is too old for sleepovers now.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 14:51

I don’t think it’s acceptable for your son not to talk to visitors, esp when they’re family and he presumably knows them?

Did they bring gifts for him?

Original poster
DonnaHaroldson · 29/12/2019 14:53

@Butchyrestingface We all exchanged gifts, yes. He just hid away upstairs for most of the time.

OP posts:
LimitIsUp · 29/12/2019 14:55

My 15 year old barely leaves his room during the holidays - meh, I've learnt not to worry about it. During term time he is on the school bus at 7.25, not home until 4.45 and has a lot of revision and homework to plough through every evening. Plus he has to do football training one evening per week plus 2 matches every weekend. If he wants to do nothing for a couple of weeks over Christmas and recharge his batteries then so be it.

Emmelina · 29/12/2019 15:00

Could he be depressed/anxious? If the funk continues I’d consider a chat with the GP.

JustDanceAddict · 29/12/2019 15:07

It’s not on for him to not talk to visitors/family and that seems to be linked with his not going out.
Does he normally see his friends of a weekend or in the holidays? Could he have fallen out with them so they’re not including him?
I also have a 15 yo DS who does go through some times where things arent great w friends, but then it’s all ok again. He certainly doesn’t think I know he’s too old for sleepovers and has had a couple recently.
Is your ds online with friends or literally having no contact?

busybarbara · 29/12/2019 15:10

You can’t force your children to talk to other people any more than you can force them to kiss grandma or to go places they don’t like. Let him be

PanicAndRun · 29/12/2019 15:10

Well he must be doing something when he's shut in his room gaming,on his phone,reading, sleeping ,contemplating the meaning of life?

YANBU to expect him to socialise and interact with guests and not be rude and hide away.

YABU(slightly) to expect him to go out or do things just because you did when you were young, or because other teens do. As long as he's happy and well adjusted and his quality of life and that of others around him aren't affected he can choose how he spends his time,up to a point.

I was like him at various points in my life . I still am to a certain extent now and if I didn't have a kid I'd happily hide in my bedroom and read/faff on my phone for days. I don't feel the need to be out daily just for the sake of it or because other people think I should.

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 15:13

You are aware he's a different person to you, right?

Freshprincess · 29/12/2019 15:16

Ive two and they’re the same.

I’m beside myself tonight as they’re both going to a mutual friends birthday party. In reality they’re having pizza a playing on the Xbox but, still it’s out.

Over the summer there was a real problem in our town with anti social behaviour, so I’m a bit glad they’re not roaming the streets getting up to all sorts.
However I wouldn’t let them sit in the bedroom if we have visitors. Especially family bringing gifts.

BigusBumus · 29/12/2019 15:18

ohwheniknow Thats a shit thing to say.

I would have a chat with your son and make sure he's not depressed. Apart from that there's not a lot you can do. I have the opposite problem that my 17 year old sons are never in and I never know where they are.

BarbedBloom · 29/12/2019 15:18

I was the same at his age and didn't have any screens. I am just a natural homebody and even now I don't much like going out if I don't have to. I am also not hugely social though I do chat to friends on the phone and meet up once a month or so. I also don't think teens vanishing to their rooms is that unusual in my experience from visiting friends at this time of year.

But there needs to be a compromise here on his part. I would have expected him to be polite to guests for a few hours before vanishing off. I would also get him out of the house by maybe going out for lunch or something similar. I wouldn't however force him to see friends as if he is sulky and grumpy about it he is just going to spoil it for them.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 29/12/2019 15:18

He's 15 it's what they do leave the poor boy alone!

Daisy7654 · 29/12/2019 15:20

My 17 yrs old DS rarely goes out. My friends with younger children think it's peculiar but the youth culture that past generations had just doesn't exist anymore. Pubs don't serve under 18s. There are no nightclubs that accept under 18s and bowling, swimming and cinema are OK but expensive so tend to be with or at least funded by parents.
Concerts I suppose but again v parent organisation and funding based at ££ per ticket. So normally v rare.
It's a different world.
Bit of a shame imo.