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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed when someone comments that I’m quiet

42 replies

KCpip · 28/12/2019 23:30

Just that really. An extended family member has commented to me for a 2nd time that I’m very quiet. AIBU to find this rude? I don’t comment on family members who are especially loud! I am also aware that I’m fairly quiet. I find it disappointing when someone feels the need to tell me this. It feels like it’s being said like an insult. AIBU? Silly? Any thoughts appreciated

OP posts:
Frozenfan2019 · 28/12/2019 23:31

As a quiet person I find people find it disconcerting perhaps because they suspect know that we are listening and taking in everything. Hahaha!!!

It's rude to comment like that unless you are close enough to the person.

Instagrrr · 28/12/2019 23:33

People usually say this to me, right after they’ve talked for 3 hours straight between themselves and not allowed me to get a word on edge ways 🙄

HirplesWithHaggis · 28/12/2019 23:34

I'm also a naturally quiet person, but have reached an age where if someone comments about it, I simply smile and agree that yes, I am. :)

OverByYer · 28/12/2019 23:36

I’m quiet too. And it is annoying when people comment. And as you say is like to reply ‘ If I could get a word in....’
Yet in a small group where I feel comfortable I can be life and soul

yesterdayhasgone · 28/12/2019 23:38

People have said this to me. What annoys me is that I try so hard not to be and to be told I am when I think I’m being as chatty as everyone else totally deflates me and makes me draw back into myself. Why do they feel it’s ok to say it, if someone was loud they don’t say a word about that.do they.

Katexoxo · 28/12/2019 23:39

Someone said this to me at a party recently! Said I’m too quiet and should come out of my shell more, it’s made me super paranoid about it and so probably more awkward and quiet! I do find it odd that it’s not considered rude as I’m sure if I pointed out that others were too loud and should be quieter it would be considered very rude!

ProfessionalBoss · 28/12/2019 23:41

I'm naturally quiet and don't drink alcohol, although people always try to force me to drink, so in a house full of loud obnoxious drunk people I think I give them the fear because they know I'll remember everything they said and did but the truth is, I couldn't care less about what they think, I'll be enjoying myself, my way!

Lovelylugs · 28/12/2019 23:42

I think it's so rude. If you were the opposite would they feel it's OK to say you are very loud.? I think it's seen as a fault. I have friends and family members who are quiet with big groups and pushy people or strangers. I'd look at them pointedly and say " it all relative, wouldn't you say"?

Strongmummy · 28/12/2019 23:43

As a loud obnoxious person I would never dream Of commenting that someone was quiet. I think it’s rude.

FaFoutis · 28/12/2019 23:45

It depends. Do you sit there in silence or do you contribute in some way?

Lovelylugs · 28/12/2019 23:45

Actually.just say " yes I'm sometimes quiet, but only when I'm bored"Grin

flatpack1 · 28/12/2019 23:45

This has annoyed me all my life. As Hirples said I now just say yes I am quiet. I don't need to justify it.

PapayaCoconut · 28/12/2019 23:46

If you are extremely quiet, you may come across as rude, but even if this is is the case, it is very rude of them to remark on that.

ferntwist · 28/12/2019 23:47

It can sometimes be rude to be too quiet. It’s not always everyone else’s job to be entertaining and keep conversation going. I’ve noticed that far from being thoughtful, a lot of quiet people just aren’t listening to those around them. They’ve switched off.

Captnip500 · 28/12/2019 23:47

I used to get this a lot when I was younger and very shy. It drove me mad and I do think it’s rude.

Drawing attention to someone being quiet isn’t likely to make them feel more comfortable speaking out or give them anything else to say! It’s likely to make them feel more self conscious. It is particularly unsettling when the quite person has made an effort to say a few things which they may have found difficult enough, only to still be publicly labelled ‘quiet’ nonetheless. It’s deflating.

incognitomum · 28/12/2019 23:51

Actually.justsay " yes I'm sometimes quiet, but only when I'm bored"

Love it Grin

Captnip500 · 28/12/2019 23:52

@ferntwist While I am sure there ARE quiet people who are disinterested in other people around them. I think most quiet people are just shy, socially awkward, not good at speaking in groups or easily overwhelmed. Some of the most interesting people I have met have been fairly quiet when I first met them. Not everyone is a chatter box and some people only like talking at length when they know the topic and the people quite well.

Original poster
KCpip · 29/12/2019 00:03

Yes, I am all of the above. Shy, socially awkward but contribute when I can. It’s not that what they’ve said is inaccurate. Yes, I am quiet. It’s the fact they feel the need to tell me. I speak more the smaller the group. The larger the group gets the harder I find it is to keep up with the conversation.

OP posts:
Aroundnabout1 · 29/12/2019 00:06

Extroverts are totally overrated.

FaFoutis · 29/12/2019 00:07

Don't assume that everyone else feels comfortable. Saying you are quiet might be their (awkward) way of trying to get you to join in.

overnightangel · 29/12/2019 00:10

@Lovelylugs 😁👏🏻

TheClaws · 29/12/2019 00:14

I’m a quiet person and it’s commonly remarked upon. I talk when I find something worth saying; not to simply fill a void. It can be hard, though, to have yourself heard in between others naturally, and as I have a soft voice, I have to make sure I don’t retreat into the background!

Fluffiest · 29/12/2019 00:20

Yes, it is rude and inconsiderate to make a comment like that, and in most cases it does nothing but make things more awkward. I'm not a quiet person myself but I have heard other people being called quiet and it always makes me cringe. I always try to steer the conversation away if I'm in that situation but it does make me bristle. People can be so dense.

Bubs101 · 29/12/2019 00:27

I'm a quiet person OP, but i can happily hold an interesting conversation with just about anyone. Except when i'm faced with a loud, overly extraverted, centre of attention type of person. It's not that I don't like them, I just tire of them not listening, screeching and shouting or talking about themselves for hours on end, it's hard to keep up! Mind those are the types to comment on my 'quietness'.

jamburglar · 29/12/2019 00:39

I've started a new job recently and this overbearing loud woman says nearly every day either "oh jam you're just sooooo loud" or "oh jam, I didn't know you were in today, speak up!" (despite the fact we share a desk) and I am this close telling her to fuck off to the far side of fuck.