To be annoyed when someone comments that I’m quiet

[KCpip]

Just that really. An extended family member has commented to me for a 2nd time that I’m very quiet. AIBU to find this rude? I don’t comment on family members who are especially loud! I am also aware that I’m fairly quiet. I find it disappointing when someone feels the need to tell me this. It feels like it’s being said like an insult. AIBU? Silly? Any thoughts appreciated

I was a shy child and then became more outgoing as I got older, quite the extrovert. But now I am older still I have become quieter, not shy, I am assertive and confident, but no longer feel the need to add to the mayhem and noise we are all subject to nowadays.

At work I barely speak. I wear earphones and use a noise reducing app, or listen to radio/music. I am surrounded by people who cannot not talk. They don't even listen to each other, they talk over each other's sentences. When they come in the office, they don't just say how was your weekend, it is a tsunami of words about their weekend or commute. 1000s of banal drivel. I am not antisocial, or dry, just appreciate stillness a bit more now. Empty vessels make the most noise and all that.

Reply with, "it depends on how interesting the company is". Obviously if someone needs to make conversation by telling you how quiet you are they are completely uninteresting.

YANBU - this drives me insane......

I have gotten this comment all my life, and the problem is that it's said to me as a criticism. Just have to say "nothin' wrong with quiet".

What I dread is "how was your weekend, did you do anything exciting" and I'm thinking I don't WANT excitement on the weekend, I just want to relax after my overly-exciting and demanding job I just did all week!

Introverts run the world. Extroverts think they run the world. 😉

I hate it too. I’m very introverted and can be very quiet when I’m struggling with social stuff. I find it a weird thing in society that people need ‘bringing out of their shell’ or ‘you should go out it’s a lovely day’ and all those kinds of statements. I don’t go round telling people they should stop going out or be quieter so why is it acceptable to do that? I’m happy, leave me be!

YANBU, I get told this and I think it’s so rude. Like others, I wouldn’t dream of telling someone that they’re loud so what makes them think it’s acceptable to point out how someone is quiet, and in my own experience it does nothing to help the situation.

Yes it’s rude. I’m never quite sure what they hope to achieve by pointing it out? Also not all quiet people are shy, sometimes people just don’t feel like talking/find the topic or company dull or uninspiring etc. There are literally so many reasons.

Generally being quiet isn’t viewed as a positive thing so that’s probably why people comment?

Yes, I'm quiet and I hate this. My FIL used to say it, often when I felt I was being perfectly normal levels of chattiness. It makes me go absolutely silent.

I'm not socially anxious, I love to chat with interesting people, I'm confident speaking up when I need to and fine with meeting new people. I sometimes just have nothing I feel needs saying out loud! And yes, I am listening, taking it all in and judging you...

One of my old headmasters once said that the quietest person in the room is usually the strongest person in the room (and usually the most interesting)!

Just look online, There'll be lots of evidence and suggestions that the loudest people in groups are often the weakest.

Can't remember which philosopher (Aristotle or Plato?) who said something like: those who talk often are just repeating knowledge they know, those who listen are constantly learning... Or something along those lines.

I also find when I do join in ( in large groups) because I’m softly spoken people just talk over me. I’ve been in a few situations where I will be talking and someone else is talking and it’s like a battle as to who keeps going.
I usually give up first.

I’m not even that shy, maybe socially awkward a little, I think a lot of it is I am very polite and am often waiting for my turn to join in , except when your with loud extrovert types that gap in conversation doesn’t happen

I'm a quiet person and have had people commenting on it my entire life, its made me feel very insecure and like i'm abnormal somehow.
my daughter is quiet like me and now she's starting to get the comments.

It's one of those things society as a whole has the same opinion on.
Quiet = bad, loud = good
Slightly untidy = bad, clean freak = good
Non-drinker on a night out = weird, drink and make a fool of yourself = fun

I agree with @ferntwist. It takes effort to keep a conversation going and in some cases (obviously not always) someone uses the excuse of being “quiet” to let the other person do all the work.
It can be really frustrating to be at a social situation where you feel like you are doing all the work to chat and the other person is giving one word answers.

Some people do too much work to chat and don't let anyone else get a word in edgewise (looking at you, DM).

With you all the way OP, I have also had this all my life and as others have said having it commented on just makes me clam up even more - what are the morons making these comments hoping to achieve by them?

One thing I would love to know is do any of my fellow quiet types think their upbringing played any part in how they are? When I was a child, my mother would repeat the mantras "little girls should be seen and not heard" and "don't speak until you're spoken to", so that not only was I not encouraged to speak up for myself, I was actively discouraged from doing so. To this day, at the age of 62, I still have difficulty initiating conversations, especially with strangers.

My problem is compounded by a chemical sensitivity which causes me to cough and makes speaking at length almost impossible, a fact which people who do not know me well would not understand.

Say "fuck off, you rude bastard!' and he will wish you were a quiet person again